Sex Confession: Wife Wishes Husband Would Last Longer During Sex


stopwatch"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

There are times quickies are absolutely necessary, but there are also times they are completely overdone. Such is the case for 28-year-old Marci* who is fessing up that her love life is way too short for her to really enjoy. This mom of one loves her husband, who she affectionately refers to as two-pump Pete* but needs a little more time to get some satisfaction. Let's hear what else she has to say.

Pete has never been an hours-long kind of lover. It's never bothered me before in all the years we've been together -- six but who's counting. But lately it's wham bam thank you ma'am -- it's over before I feel we even get started. And it's starting to upset me. It's like there is no intimacy whatsoever. We have sex, yes, but we aren't really making love. We are making quickies that are far too quick for me.

I tried talking to him about it and he feels bad about it, which in turn makes me feel bad that I made him feel bad. So I've asked if we could just have some more foreplay before we get into the sex part so it lasts longer. That worked a few times, but he seems to have forgotten that I would like him to ... you know ... go down on me so I get some pleasure and it's not all about me pleasing him.

The more I talk about it with him the more I feel like I'm whining. I really just want about 10 minutes added to our sex life. And I'm running out of ways to ask for it.

What do you think this confessor should do? How would you talk to your husband in this situation?


*Names have been changed.

Image via Chad Kainz/Flickr

sex, sex confession


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Histo... HistoryMamaX3

He's being selfish... she shouldn't have to keep asking and he shouldn't just 'forget' that his wife needs something more from him. :-(

redK8... redK8blueSt8

If it were me, I'd be very curious why my husband is so uncaring about fulfilling my sexual needs. Especially after being informed of the desire for more foreplay. That would make me start to check if other areas of our marriage showed him being selfishly concerned for himself and not me.

I would also check just how much pornography he is viewing. For example, if he's pleasuring himself so frequently that "quick" has been a rewarded habit.

youth... youthfulsoul

Some men are just quick. I was with one of those men for 17 years and it never changed.

eupeptic eupeptic

If he's not interested in performing oral sex on you, ask him what he'd like to do that you'd enjoy (and/or ask him if there are things you could do [such as taking a quick shower beforehand, and/or flirting with him before he's even thinking about sex] that would make him more interested in performing oral sex on you as he may not be that interested in that but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so). Also think of things that you'd enjoy doing together and share those thoughts with him to see what he'd be interested in doing with you. (A lot can be found online [perhaps by doing a search for sexual fantasies, or something like that] if you can't think of much, but be careful where you look as that can be an easy way to come across stuff you don't want to see or know about as well as get a computer virus if you aren't careful and well protected...)

WifeLies WifeLies

If this is a recent or sudden change you should encourage your husband to talk to his doctor. The most common causes of premature ejaculation are psychological, but it can also be caused by medical conditions such as thyroid disorders or a prostate or urethra infection.  I wouldn't presume he''s simply "being selfish" without knowing all the facts.

nonmember avatar BostonBob

I agree with EUPEPTIC, "Pete" needs to be spend more time on foreplay with "Marci", and "take care" of her good first.

One thing I try when I get a little too speedy, is to pause things for a brief period. Quick massage, some more kissing (don't want to get too graphic here to raise ire of moderators).

Pete, it's not a race buddy! Goal is NOT to get to the finish line first. Take your time.

Brain... BrainyMommy

A. Stop writing into advice columns. B. Spend more time talking with him about what you enjoy in the bedroom. If he starts to rush, slow him down. You're letting him put part of his body inside of yours but you're afraid to talk with him about sex. I don't understand this thinking.

nonmember avatar cassie

A couple of questions

1) is he watching porn? Porn brings instant satisfaction with no reason to be anything but selfish. He can satisfy himself as quickly as possible bc there is no reason to linget. So sex with you will be just a means to an end while hd envisions videos instead of his imagination running wild with you. Its not your fault you are not undesirable. My DH suffered from an addiction to porn and we are healing.

2) have you showed him how to please you. It took DH watching how I pleased myself a few times, then me helping him, now I just relax and let him have fun

3) are you letting your guard down enough to enjoy it? I know in the beginning of the healing process it was near impossible for me to relax enough to enjoy it let alone show DH I liked what he was doing. So maybe he tried but thought you were bored and got insecure.

There are sprays that you can get from the intimate stores that numb him a little so its not a sensitivity overload and helps him last longer if its a pure PME problem.

But ill be honest. Once my husband kicked porn our sex life got crazy amazing! He even mentions now how the videos had destroyed intimacy between us, apologized, and he enjoys pleasing me. Porn is in itself selfish in nature. And if he is selfish in bed it might be bc millions of videos cater to that way of thinking when it comes to sex and is by far more detramental to true bedroom happiness than anything I have experienced. (Outside of infidelity tho)

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