11 Perfect Comebacks for Guys' Lamest Pickup Lines

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winkSometimes it doesn't matter what a woman accomplishes. Some men will always see her as a "skirt" first and a CEO second. Case in point: Yahoo head Marissa Mayer. At a recent stockholders meeting, a man stood up presumably just to ask about his stock dividend. Instead, he shared something quite unexpected:

I'm George Polis. I have 2,000 shares of Yahoo. I'm Greek, and I'm a dirty old man, and you look attractive, Marissa.

Why in the world would he think this was an appropriate thing to do? Mayer's response? She didn't. She just moved on, which was the right thing to do in this instance. But what are other smart, savvy, successful women to do when they encounter rude and ridiculous come-ons? You don't have to wonder any longer. The Stir has compiled the ideal guide of comebacks for the most annoying pickup lines.

  1. Line: Haven't I seen you someplace? Comeback: Yes. I am the receptionist at the STD clinic you are always at.
  2. Line: Can I buy you a drink? Comeback: Well, I'd rather have the money.
  3. Line: How did you get so gorgeous? Comeback: I think I got your share.
  4. Line: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Comeback: Unfertilized.
  5. Line: Didn't we go out a couple times? Comeback: Nah. Could have only been once. I would never make the same mistake twice.
  6. Line: Do yourself a favor and go out with me this weekend? Comeback: Shoot. I can't. I am going to have a headache those days.
  7. Line: I can tell how much you want me. Comeback: Yep. I want you. I want you to leave.
  8. Line: Your body turned my head. Comeback: Well, your face turned my stomach.
  9. Line: You know you wanna ask me out. Comeback: Okay. Get out. 
  10. Line: Where have you been all my life? Comeback: Hiding from guys like you.
  11. Line: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Comeback: If I could see you naked, I'd die laughing.

More from The Stir: 17 Truly Bizarre Pickup Lines We Can't Believe Men Fed Us (PHOTOS)

What other clever comebacks have you used?

 

Image via hobvias sudoneighm/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Cass

If the worst thing a guy does is show is interest in a cheesy way, it's hardly deserving of this kind of rudeness. Regardless of whether you want to be "ladylike", some basic human decency is always nice.

nonmember avatar Dave

Ha, these comebacks from this woman are nothing. I've gotten MUCH worse than that, and I didn't even use stupid lines like this. One that really stands out is when I said "hi, how are you? I see you have great taste in beer, can I buy you another one?" The response I got was "why would I want to talk to a loser like you?" I just smiled and walked away. It seems nowadays it's not enough for women to just give a polite "no thanks", they have to be as nasty as possible. If the shoes were on the other foot and women were responsible for initiating and men said similar things they would blow a gasket.

nonmember avatar mdw

I hope this was supossed to be funny & amusing. i have to agree with Dave. Some women are just too MEAN. Stuck up snobby bitches who think they are above other people. If men get comebacks like this when they hit on a woman, what do you think will happen? They will STOP! Of course its not always up to the man to make the first move, but flattery will get you far sometimes. Like the first poster said, if the worst you get from a man is these cheesey pickup lines, consider yourself lucky! & then be grateful that you got hit on at all bcus with those comebacks, you probably wont be getting a whole bunch of pickup lines. You can only keep your rudeness a secret for so long.

work4... work4mickey

I see shooting down blatantly sexual pick up lines (how do you like your eggs, if I could see you naked, ect.) But why the need to be rude to basics. "Haven't I seen you somewhere" and "may I buy you a drink" are simple conversation starters, and a way to let you know that he's interested. A simple no thanks, sorry I'm not interested or sorry I'm not available should be fine. If he persists, then get rude. Besides, anyone (male or female) alone at a bar shpuld expect some attention. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be alone at a bar.

nonmember avatar Jessica

These are just straight up obnoxious and rude. Carry yourself with grace and dignity, accept a compliment but politely decline. Women who respond this way are only making themselves look bad. And they're scaring off the good guys from wanting to approach a woman who could be "the one". Embarrassing.

Tom Maker

Hmmm, if a guy comes up with a rude, classless plck up line he deserves a "zinger back!"  However, if it is said in a "I want to get to know you way" why would a woman feel she has to act rude/mean?


Personally, I find the lines above silly, but in now way do they deserve a cruel response.


 

nonmember avatar REM

To everyone posting that comebacks are rude- it is rude to bother someone just because you want something from them. Lines like this are disrespectful. If you're on the receiving end of a comeback, you probably deserved it.

MDW: "Some women are just too MEAN." Yeah, maybe a snappy comeback to a rude pickup is mean, but at least they're not name-calling... "Stuck up snobby bitches who think they are above other people.." unlike you. Do you think that calling someone a "stuck up snobby bitch" ISN'T mean? Women aren't obligated to be interested in you, you know. If she isn't attracted to you, it doesn't mean she's a bitch. If this is your attitude, you can't really wonder why women keep shooting you down.

"If men get comebacks like this when they hit on a woman, what do you think will happen? They will STOP!"
Yes.
That's the point.

nonmember avatar REM

MDW: Also, what the hell does THIS mean?
"If the worst you get from a man is these cheesey pickup lines, consider yourself lucky! & then be grateful that you got hit on at all bcus with those comebacks, you probably wont be getting a whole bunch of pickup lines."

Is that a threat? You're saying that women should be *thankful* to be harassed? The women who are turning you down aren't looking for a guy who imposes himself on her. The fewer stupid lines, the better. And seriously, "if the worst you get from a man..." what is that implying? That women should be thankful that their drinks aren't drugged? Do you walk around in a constant state of gratefulness that you're not being raped, or do you just accept non-rape as the natural state of things? Seriously, dude... you admit that dating you would be a debasement, you call women bitches, and then you imply a threat?
Yeah, I can see why women aren't knockin' down your door.

nonmember avatar Steve

It's because of the attitudes like REM why so many men don't even bother approaching women anymore. She is probably someone who would file a harassment suit just for looking at her the wrong way. Who said anything about drugging drinks? Yes some of these are suggestive and maybe deserve a rude comeback. But really what is so bad about "can I buy you a drink?" or "how did you get so gorgeous"? If some woman approached me and said "how did you get so handsome?" I would be totally flattered, and I certainly would not be mean to her, even if I wasn't attracted to her. Again, many women just do not understand how hard it is to approach them, and then when they are nasty it just makes you want to not even bother. So is that what women really want, to be left alone? How about women make the first move? I think men the world over would be all for that.

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