Sex Confession: Wife Is Turned Off by Husband’s ’50 Shades’ Fantasy

Say What!? 11

blindfold"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

There once was a woman who had a great marriage -- let's call her Teresa*. She's in her 30s, has a couple of kids, has been married to Leo* about seven years. She was happy. Happy with her kids, her life, her sex life. Leo, however, wanted more from her. He didn't want her to take more camping trips or cruises even though he knew she hated but endured the outdoors and the open seas, he wanted her to be submissive in the bedroom. He wanted to dominate her and it scared the crap out of her. So much so it's changed their sex life even without any kinky stuff thrown in. I'll let Teresa explain. 

It felt as if things were going just fine. Life was good. My sex life with Leo was great. We had quickies and even some long sessions. We'd sneak out to the garage while the kids were cleaning up after dinner and make out like we were in high school. We both had a lot of love and lust for each other and we found time for it at least twice a week, sometimes more. Then one day Leo spanked me. During sex. WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING? I asked him. My mood changed. My concentration broken. He had never, ever done that before in the seven years we were married or the three we dated prior to that. He sort of knew I wasn't into that because we had a conversation about it a few times over the years. But here he was DOING IT.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I got carried away."

I asked him if he had been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. What in the heck. He said no. It was the only time our sex was interrupted by something other than the children. He told me he wanted to dominate me. He wanted to try new things like that. He wanted to spank me, tie me up, blindfold me -- all this stuff that I was not into at all. HELP!!!!

Did my husband just turn into a stranger? is what I wondered.

I told him no. I'm not into it. None of that. It made him feel bad. And then I felt bad. I handled it wrong, I guess. I overreacted. But that's how I am. He knows me -- I'm an over-reactor. He can't just come at me with what he had to know was a huge change in our sex life and expect me to roll with it. I'm just not that kind of person. He spanked me during sex -- he should have talked to me about wanting to do it before he actually did it.

Now things are weird a little. I don't want it to be weird at all. I don't want to be submissive. But I do want my husband's desire and our sex life back.

What advice would you give Teresa? Do you think Leo should have talked to her first? What should they do?


*Names have been changed

Image via MadEmoiselle Sugar/Flickr

fifty shades of grey, marriage, sex confession

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tbruc... tbrucemom

She needs to talk to her husband and figure out a compromise.  It's not fair to deny him what he wants just as it's not fair for her to do something she's not comfortable with.  Personally, I love to be spanked. Maybe it was just the surprise that she didn't like.

nonmember avatar Crystal

How do you know you're not into something unless you try it? Maybe she would LOVE being tied up and blindfolded. I can't really see how this would make someone uneasy, unless you didn't trust your partner. No worries, focus is all on you, it's insane because you have no clue when it's coming, and its such a tease. In my opinion it's pure ecstasy being tied and blindfolded. And no, I am not even close to a freak. It's just something that is pleasurable when its all about you

nonmember avatar melissa

... he already thinks about these kinky things in his mind. Maybe your freaked out because hes showing a different side that you dont know how deep or far it goes. I found on my partners phone craigslist responses to men and pregnant women... oh how I wish it was a little spank only.He had major sexual abuse issue and now is in counseling. No one ever thought he would do that .. even me. Its the hardest thing to work through and figure out. So I understand one moment or finding out something about your partner can be like opening a can of worms. But I was with him for 6 years and never would have thought and it just happened. So yeah years arw nothing to someone who has something to hide.

tessi... tessiekat

I agree with tbrucemom, a compromise is there, you both have to be willing to work towards it. Starting with a blindfold, maybe.  Or you trying it out on him first. Letting him wear the blindfold, or the handcuffs or whatever first, while you have fun, might help you get over the fear of him doing it to you. The key to making the compromise work is laying boundaries on how far you are willing to go at that moment, and you both respecting them, no matter what. I don't think you overreacted to being spanked.  He may have been carried away by the moment, but he knew you didn't want that introduced into the bedroom yet, and unfortunately he did.  That is crossing a line. Personally, spanking is a HUGE turn off for me, so I understand completely.

Kate Cooley

A compromise? Maybe if he'd, oh, I don't know, brought it up before and didn't just spring it on her mid-sex? There's a difference between compromising and trying something different and being blindsided by it when you least expect it, never mind veering into sexual practices that NEED to have a foundation of trust and agreement so someone doesn't get hurt!


No, she's right. Coming out of the blue with this is wrong, not asking her about it is wrong and sulking like a little boy when you don't get your way is wrong. (And that made him feel bad? Why, because he freaked out out without warning and you, surprise, freaked out?)

nonmember avatar Michelle

Do it! I think it would be great to get a spanking some time you don't have to be a submissive but don't throw all of the ideas out the window try new see what you like get spanked, get tied up, get blindfolded. If's it's not for you then go back to how things were don't just say no right off the bat because once you get started you may not be able to stop. ;)

nonmember avatar Bee

I am on the opposite end of this rope. I am the one that has been wanting to try new things and have him dominate me, but he didn't seem to be into it. Took a lot of talking and deciding how far we wanted to go, and now I have bed restraints and blind fold etc..... You have to sit down and talk to him about it, and let him explain what it is he wants and why its such a turn on for him and then you can explain why it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe agree to try it once for him (something like just being tied up and having sex or just blindfolded and having sex) and agree that if you are still not in to it and it still makes you uncomfortable then that will be the end of it.

Caryl Hayes

I agree with Tbrucemom about compromise and not springing the spank on her out of the blue- however Crystal is right on with her comments on being able to trust your partner. If you have that bond (& perhaps/just in case, a safe word) and trust, you shouldn't be afraid that he'll go too far. Now that this has happened- you've opened a door- not closed it, and should be able to discuss BOTH your wants, desires, fantasies and like Crystal said- try them on him first to put you more at ease!!

Diane Townsend

Why would you talk to your husband. What is spontanious sex for. Do you ask..can I touch you like this can I do that? Geez. Spank her if she don't like it she will tell you. Trying new things is normal. Bring some bling into the relationship. It's a relationship not a business. Don't plan just do.


 

Otirnica Andreia

as she said she's over-reacting even so if this is from the begging it's ok but when u expect to make love to your husband like you used to and he comes like a totally changed person makes you wonder...anyways spanking isn't such a BDSM thing...maybe he tought he should bring something new and when u want it to be a surprise YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IT ...


 

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