Lingerie in bedDo you remember the first time you were naked with a guy? I don’t mean the first time ever. I’m talking about the first time with someone new, like after a break-up. Maybe you were nervous. Maybe you felt a little self-conscious about baring your body.

Or, if you were me, baring your body to someone for the first time since you had been divorced, you felt very self-conscious.

Before my foray in to sex after my divorce, the last time I had been with someone new was when I was in my mid-20s. And it was with my first husband-to-be. Before kids, before two C-sections and breastfeeding had taken their tolls on my body.

So here I was, in my mid-30s, with a post-kids body, getting ready to be intimate with someone new. I was nervous and my usually latent insecurity was making itself known.

Sure it was easy for me to go out and flirt with guys but when it came down to getting in to bed, naked with someone, I was nervous. But I needed to embrace my previously dormant sexuality. I wanted that sexual experience. I craved it.

After my divorce was finalized, I gave some thought to plastic surgery. I had seen some advertisements from plastic surgeons offering discounted "Starting Over" packages aimed at divorcees that included breast lifts and augmentations, tummy tucks and even liposuction. And there was something appealing about getting a new body. About starting over with a pre-motherhood body.

Ultimately I decided against it. The procedures were expensive. Plus I was wary of having surgery and risking something happening to me. Hadn’t my kids been through enough already?

I also decided that I didn't want to erase the marks of who I was: A woman in her mid-30s who had a couple of kids. Because first and foremost, I was a mom.

So I just started taking better care of myself. I started eating differently and exercising more. I went to the dermatologist and started a new skin care regimen. I washed the grey out of my hair and updated my cut. And I invested in some sexy underwire bras and supportive underwear

Because I agree that if you look good, you feel good.

And I felt good. And confident and sexy.

So the first time I got naked with someone after my divorce, I wasn't thinking about the stretch marks on my poochy stomach or my sagging breasts. I just enjoyed it. And still do, except now I'm getting naked with the last man who will ever see all of me. He's my second husband.

Do you have any tips on sex after divorce?


Image via Lexie Lannom/Flickr