Sex After Divorce: Getting Naked For the First Time

Lingerie in bedDo you remember the first time you were naked with a guy? I don’t mean the first time ever. I’m talking about the first time with someone new, like after a break-up. Maybe you were nervous. Maybe you felt a little self-conscious about baring your body.

Or, if you were me, baring your body to someone for the first time since you had been divorced, you felt very self-conscious.

Before my foray in to sex after my divorce, the last time I had been with someone new was when I was in my mid-20s. And it was with my first husband-to-be. Before kids, before two C-sections and breastfeeding had taken their tolls on my body.

So here I was, in my mid-30s, with a post-kids body, getting ready to be intimate with someone new. I was nervous and my usually latent insecurity was making itself known.

Sure it was easy for me to go out and flirt with guys but when it came down to getting in to bed, naked with someone, I was nervous. But I needed to embrace my previously dormant sexuality. I wanted that sexual experience. I craved it.

After my divorce was finalized, I gave some thought to plastic surgery. I had seen some advertisements from plastic surgeons offering discounted "Starting Over" packages aimed at divorcees that included breast lifts and augmentations, tummy tucks and even liposuction. And there was something appealing about getting a new body. About starting over with a pre-motherhood body.

Ultimately I decided against it. The procedures were expensive. Plus I was wary of having surgery and risking something happening to me. Hadn’t my kids been through enough already?

I also decided that I didn't want to erase the marks of who I was: A woman in her mid-30s who had a couple of kids. Because first and foremost, I was a mom.

So I just started taking better care of myself. I started eating differently and exercising more. I went to the dermatologist and started a new skin care regimen. I washed the grey out of my hair and updated my cut. And I invested in some sexy underwire bras and supportive underwear

Because I agree that if you look good, you feel good.

And I felt good. And confident and sexy.

So the first time I got naked with someone after my divorce, I wasn't thinking about the stretch marks on my poochy stomach or my sagging breasts. I just enjoyed it. And still do, except now I'm getting naked with the last man who will ever see all of me. He's my second husband.

Do you have any tips on sex after divorce?

Image via Lexie Lannom/Flickr


divorce, sex, dating


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tuffy... tuffymama

I learned from my first time: don't have sex with someone you can't talk to about everything. Makes sense. If we already know each Luther's business, then sex is natural and comfortable. One night stands and getting naked too soon can cause more problems than I can handle.

eupeptic eupeptic

Talk with the guy you're with and let him know how you feel about your body. If he cares about you he will do what he can to help you feel better about yourself. If he doesn't show you that he cares about you then that's a good sign that you probably should find another man.

Another possibility is to become a member of a nudist or naturist club or resort. The people you'll meet there have seen all kinds of natural bodies and are often the least judgmental people in our society because they are used to seeing the human body in all shapes, sizes, and forms rather than shocked from seeing natural human bodies. Being around others who accept you just the way you are often helps you learn to accept yourself the way you are.

nonmember avatar BostonBob

A very nice article, especially the last paragraph.

A welcome change from a lot of the "reaching" articles that pop up here.

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