I'm Embarrassed to Admit What I Think About During Sex

OMG 10

stop signWhat do you think about when you’re having sex?

Sometimes, I think about everything but the sex because no matter what I'm doing, my mind is always multi-tasking. I'm making to-do lists in my head, whether I’m sitting at a traffic light waiting for it to change, in the shower washing my hair, or trying to fall asleep while listening to my husband snore.

So why should it be any different when I’m having sex? I know that it’s a horrible way to be and I’ve worked at getting better at being focused when I’m getting intimate with my husband. But it’s not easy.

Here’s my most recent train of thought while my husband and I were attempting to simultaneously combust:

  • This going to be good. I just know it.
  • Wait, I forgot to take my kid’s jeans out of the dryer early. Now they’re going to be too short.
  • It’s almost the end of the month. My credit card payment is due.
  • Stop it, stop it, stop it. Not him. You. Focus. You're having sex. Remember.
  • Ooh, that feels good.
  • Hey, he likes it when I do that.
  • Damn, I forgot to shave my legs. Wonder if he cares. (Obviously not.)
  • I really need to start exercising again. I’m feeling a little jiggly.
  • Hmm, I like it when he does that.
  • But did he leave the grill on again?
  • Mind, stop wandering.
  • This is better. Nothing in my head but my mother? What? Go away. Please. I meant to say please.

I’ll stop there and spare you further details, but suffice it to say there is a point where I quit thinking about other things and focus on what’s going on right in front of me. Or under me, as the case may be. And nine times out of 10, I get a happy ending.

But I wish it didn't take me so long to live in the intimate moment. I'll keep working on it because practicing is fun. And happily, my husband is a patient man.

Do you sometimes find it hard to shut your mind off during sex?


Image via Kate Ter Haar/Flickr

sex, turn-offs, marriage, living together, sex secret


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LadyM... LadyMinni

Did I leave the oven on? No, I know I turned it off. I left something on. Crap! The stove! I left the stove on! Well the entire building is going to burn down, but he's doing that so I really don't care.

I had to get rid of a very nice stainless steel pan because I just couldn't get all of the burnt off of it. Steel wool didn't help. Oh it was worth it. And my mom got me a new set of stainless pots and pans for my birthday :)

eupeptic eupeptic

Have you ever tried meditating? Spending a few minutes every day (at any time you want, you don't need to have control over your surroundings; even while having something to eat or drink would be a good start) just focusing on keeping your mind clear (perhaps by only paying attention to your breathing, for example, or imagining that your body is filled with white light [spirits use "light energy" to manipulate matter, heal people, give pleasure to others during sex, etc.]) should help you gain control over your thoughts. The more you practice the better you will become at it.

You can also talk to your husband about the things you worry about during sex and ask him if he'd like to help you with those earlier in the day so you can have less to worry about.

Cynthia Parten

Oh man, I am so like that. Like you, I (mostly) manage to put things out of my mind at last and focus enough so I can get my "happy ending." But I have to repeatedly tell my mind to shut up and focus on the sex instead of the millions of things I did that day or have to do the next day,

Marcella Shambles

What I hate/love is that I start thinking of something funny and can't keep my giggles in.  So glad I have a husband that knows and loves how weird I am.

Happy... Happydad73

My poor wife has this happen to her a lot. I have learned that a nice long (15-20 min) rub down does the trick most of the time and then we are able to have mutually enjoyable sex. She gets the benefit of some 'body worship'and I get the benefit of rubbing my hands all over the naked body of a beautiful woman. Helps her get into the moment.

amnew... amnewlon8982

I don't really have this problem. What I do have is the lack of desire to get started. I am almost 7 months pregnant and while I have a husband that loves my pregnant body and I am quite tiny for being so pregnant, I just can't get into the mood.

4cadi... 4cadillac

I thought i would b the only person on earth whose mind multi*tasked during sex. My s/o asks what be going thru my mind & i just fib & say him.

Ninja... Ninja_Kitty666

Don't feel bad. I suffer from severe depression, so it is basically IMPOSSIBLE for me to keep my mind on the intimacy and not on whether or not I need to pick up cat food before work tonight, if I remembered to set the chicken for tomorrow's dinner out to defrost, if hubby took out the garbage like I asked him to for the third time this week (the answer almost always being no), what I need to get at the grocery store next week... On and on and on. 

So trust me, your ocassional lapse in focus is fine. I think it's natural, honestly, because women are just made to multi-task. :)

57funny 57funny

I always think about baseball statisics, helps me last longer. But once I was with this woman, and thought I was the MAN! I was getting my back into it, doing the 3 o'clock-6 o'clock- 9 o'clock thing, and she said to me: "I wonder how many holes are in that ceiling tile up there?" Hahahaha.....even I thought that was comical.

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