The 'Other Woman' Contacted Me & Told Me Everything I Needed to Know About My Ex

Facebook messageHere is a loaded statement: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a liar and a cheater. We broke up back in March, before I knew about the cheating. I won't deny it: I most definitely have flaws that I'm sure contributed to our ultimate demise. Regardless, I was so overly sick of crying. I was sick of feeling unappreciated. I wasn't the confident woman he fell for back in September. Her spirit had been crushed. We both needed out.

A couple weeks ago, he tried to win me back.

He made us a reservation. He told me he changed. He loved me. Gorgeous. Confident. He would never hurt me again. This was a forever kind of thing. It was hard to take him seriously considering our past. At the time, I wasn't exactly sure how I felt.

You know who was sure? His girlfriend. As in, current one. Nine days after our Thursday night rendezvous, she messaged me to tell me that she looked through his phone, saw him trying to win me back, and that I should know the truth.



I felt like I was in a movie. My stomach dropped. My heart sank. My jaw felt tense and I felt instantaneously nauseated. Sure, I had seen her name before. Heck, I knew who she was. That Thursday night when we met up, he told me that, yes, they had "slept together once but nothing was going on there." He told me she was just a friend. He told me that she wasn't me.

But there she was, her name, on my phone.

He told her that he had been completely over me since we broke up in February (lie). I was insane (debatable, but no). He kept me in his life because I was unstable and I needed him (eesh). He told her that she was who he wanted to be with, that he needed her in his life, that she was also gorgeous (for my future boyfriend, maybe try calling me beautiful instead). Oh, and about our Thursday night rendezvous? According to him, we met to "clear the air" and remain friends. Heck, at least he told her he was seeing me.

She ended things with him earlier that morning before messaging me, after seeing a conversation between him and me. Of course -- there's plenty more to the story, but I won't bore you with the lengthy details. The disgusting details. This isn't a Lifetime movie, after all. 

The harsh truth: Being contacted by the other woman is scary. Is everything she told me the truth? Who knows. I believe it to be. She came off as genuinely nice, caring, and at the end of the day I appreciate her reaching out. Did I cry? For a few minutes, sure. At the same time, though, my semi-John Tucker Must Die encounter was amazing. It helped me put my past behind me. It helped me walk away from a dangerous situation for both my heart and my health. My stress and heavy conscience about a love gone wrong were washed away, and for the first time in a long time, I feel truly happy knowing I'm rid of such negative energy in my life. I can only hope that she can completely walk away, too.

Last night I got off the subway in Brooklyn, headed to cocktails for a friend's birthday. As the warm air kissed my cheeks, I cranked up my music and felt a renewed sense of self. Confidence. As I walked down the street, I realized she was back. Back, smiling, and ready.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Do you have any "other woman" stories of your own?


Image via The Stir Bloggers


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

Serab... Serabelle

I was the other woman (by accident). My ex and I were on and off for over 3 years, until the last time. We got back together, he said I love you, you're the one, blah blah. Asked me to marry him, with no ring! Then a few days later I saw (on MySpace of all places) that he had asked her to marry him! Gave her a ring! I was pissed! So I found her page and messaged her all the messages from between us, told her everything! He continued to call me for months after to "explain". I didn't answers. I blocked him from all sites, my phone, and even threatened a restraining order if he didn't back off. I have no idea what went down between them, don't much care either. If she was dumb enough to forgive him then it's her fault if he cheets again.

Bloom... Bloomie79

I so dated this guy. 

Irela... Ireland69

Men and women are so selfish.  If you don't want to be with somebody break up before you start something with somebody else and ruin yours and everybody's life!  Especially when there are kids!

Whit1... Whit143Jason

Amen Ireland... Men who cheat are weak, lowest of the low pigs. It's there dang "ego". Ha

Joyfu... JoyfulinSD

When I first started dating my husband, I was worried that there was something more than a child holding him to his ex. He told me that he had never cheated and would never cheat. He was nice to her even though she was rotten to him in the past. The only reason he said was because of their son. One day about 4 months into our relationship, she was sitting in front of our house, she asked to talk to him as I went in.  I heard her say that she felt that she made a mistake and they should get back together, he stopped her and said no.  She then said that she thought they should have another child so the son would have full brothers or sisters.  He said "I do not cheat or hurt people like that.  Don't ever ask me this again.  If you do, we'll have to figure out another way for you to see our son.  I never did anything wrong to you and I will never do anything wrong to her (referring to me) Find someone and move on."  15 years ago and he is still the same.  I watched others hit on him and he blows them off.

Kristy Suit-Walker

I was married to this guy, but the other woman was drugs. His ex did try to warn me, but I was like whatever. It took almost a year to be "back". Even now, 9 yrs later, I struggle. It's an invigerating feeling though to know that I am me again, and no one can ever take that from me.


Céilidh Nicholls

I tried reaching out to the woman my ex is now dating to tell her how he physically and emotionally abused me, cheated every chance he got and now has 8 children by 5 different women. She didn't believe me. Now, she does nothing but talk badly about me to my own daughter and they both have been attempting to branwash her into thinking I'm the bad person. 
Part of me thinks I should just go and collect the domestic disturbance and domestic violence reports and show them both. Somehow, I don't think it will help.
I guess what I'm saying is; some women geuinely want to help the new woman.

Oh. His last girlfriend didn't believe me either until she learned and broke up with him. Now, she and I are friends. 

liz549 liz549

No other women story but I did just leave my husband for seventeen years an ah colic,gambler,did everything for everybody but me.I never seen the man sober not a day really. He paid bar tabs before he would pay bills. His' family didn't like me which I really didn't care. He had a habit when my son was little(not his) he would scream at my son when he was young ,I would warn him then I would beat the hell out of him cause he wouldn't stop. He didn't feel it cause he was always drunk so his' family which isn't any better blame me for everything mine you this man drink before I met him. You could never do anything cause he would fuss about . I let him let my self esteem get so low I gain so much weight cause that is all I had. We haven't been man and wife close to ,seven years. I stop sleeping with him cause he would piss all over me. It really wasn't a marriage. So, my best friend came and packed my stuff and moved me away. The best thing for me . I'm finding out who I am losing weight and I can actually say I'm happy. Thanks to a friend and a new friend who helped.

Jacquie Soto

I swear you wrote my story. I think these guys all read from the same book, if they can read at all. I love when women look out for each other like that. Put that whole "women hating each other" to shame. I have had someone come at me with the truth about a guy I was dating and I appreciated her honesty. I also had to tell someone about their "boy"friend. That one was by accident and she wasn't so welcoming of the truth. I wasn't even interested in him and he got my number from someone else. She called me cause I guess she found my number in his phone so I had to update her on her friend's behaviour at work and how I am not a threat and I am not the only one he has approached. Less just say I was threatened with bodily harm..

nonmember avatar Amanda

Yep, I have my own story on this. Disgusts me to think about it frankly. Long story short my husband "checked out" without telling me and started a "relationship" with some whore from his hometown 5 hrs away. She turned out to be a psycho, lying freak. He didn't see that as soon as I did though. They carried on for a month or two while I took our son and moved to my moms. I prayed and did so much thinking, I couldn't lose him. He was a totally different person during all of that, someone I didn't know. He came around, woke up. He ended it all and then she went nutso. She claimed being pregnant a few times, claimed she dumped him, I knew a lot more than she thought though and I knew the dumping was coming before she did. That didn't get me to play her games so she filed for a restraining order claiming domestic violence. It was thrown out and a mutual no contact order was given (thank god). We have a lot of work to do but we are back together.

1-10 of 31 comments 1234 Last