6 Reasons 'Upgrading' Your Engagement Ring Is Bad for Your Marriage

engagement ringFor many people who marry young, the engagement ring of their dreams is far, far out of their reach. I know when my husband and I married, I had dreams of multiple carats, but my graduate student husband had more affordable plans. We got the ring he could afford at the time, which is a lovely three-stone ring, a carat in the middle and a quarter carat on each side. I love it.

But now that we have been married 10 years, I am aware of the fact that what he could afford NOW would be much more grand. And when I hang out with local women, sometimes I am aware that their diamonds are just a bit more BLING than my pretty, subtle ring. But you know what? I wouldn't change it for anything.

Of course, I may be alone in that thinking. A lot of women think it's perfectly normal to upgrade or otherwise enhance or change up their wedding set. I don't judge it. Exactly. But I do wonder why. Here are 6 reasons to keep the ring you got at your wedding:

  1. It will keep you young: There isn't a time I look down at my finger and DON'T feel the same giddy 24-year-old excitement I felt the day he put that ring on my finger. My hands might be older now, but that eternal youth remains.
  2. He picked it: To me, there is just something wildly romantic about a man picking a ring for me himself. Regardless of whether it would be the ring I would choose myself, it's the ring HE chose and is, therefore, very romantic.
  3. More important things to spend money on: I don't know about you, but I would feel a little silly spending $25K on a diamond ring right now. We may be able to swing it (maybe), but I would feel terribly guilty and like that money would do better in my kid's college funds.
  4. Family heirlooms: The ring I pass on to my daughter needs to be the one her father gave me. Sure, I could buy myself a fancier one, but it wouldn't have the same meaning and story attached as the one he handed to me on the day he proposed.
  5. I love it: OK, OK, I admit that I do love my ring. If it were teensy tiny, I may feel differently, or if it was too crazy big and embarrassed me, I might not wear it, but I do think it's a good size and I love looking at it.
  6. It brings it all back: Sometimes I take off my wedding band and just look at the ring I wore for a year before we married while we still had youth and excitement on our side. Not sure I would feel that way about a different ring.

Would you ever "upgrade" your ring?




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hh0y13 hh0y13

I have "upgraded" my ring twice.  No biggie.  We picked the first one out together and we have picked the subsequent ones out together.  The marriage is what is important.  My husband has also upgraded.  My parents upgraded theirs over the years too.  And to be honest, I would not have wanted the ring my dad originally gave my mom - heirloom or not - to be my wedding ring (if that is what you meant).  If you just meant to pass down to your daughter/son so they can have it  - what if you have several children?  At least with my upgrades - I can pass one down to each of them :)


onefo... onefootcutiepie

Completely agree!!! I would never upgrade my ring! It's been 13 years now!

laure... laurenemb

My mother's updated her ring twice - the first, she had the diamond made into a necklace and the second she just plain upgraded to a bigger and better quality stone/metal. I can't wait to inherit her necklace someday, because the diamond, not the ring, is what meant so much to her.

amnew... amnewlon8982

I wouldn't but it's an absolutely gorgeous four carat and I'm upset I can't wear it at the moment because I haven't found a jeweler that I trust to take it down four sizes because I've lost so much weight.

Alexa... AlexaAdams

I've upgraded mine. It was a really poor quality metal and would leave my finger black no matter what I did. I love my new ring and it is just as special to me.

fave82 fave82

I fail to see how any if these reasons are actually "bad for your marriage".. But i digress. We've been married for 4 years (7 since he gave me the ring) and i have yet to upgrade.. But i plan to in a few years for a few reasons. I would like something little bigger- NOT 25's worth, that's for sure and my set doesnt fit together which is insanely annoying. Plus i have 2 daughters and this way they can each inherit one. It will also be the one and only time i upgrade. My parents have been together nearly 50 years. My mom doesnt even wear her rings anymore and my dad is on his third cause he loses them... So i dont really think it reflects an actual marriage.

nonmember avatar FarmersWife

I could never upgrade. My ring is tiny but beautiful. It's the one my husband and I picked, the one he put on my finger and the one blessed on our wedding day. In our marriage it holds special meaning. I can see where the rings themselves hold little to no meaning in a marriage then upgrade all you want. I think the problem is when it has meaning to the husband but his wife wants to upgrade. Most men would probably just go with the flow but be hurt

nonmember avatar laurie

I was on the fence about upgrading my ring (for sentimental reasons), we discussed the pros and cons and for our 10 anniversary we renewed our vows and my husband surprised me with a new ring. He took my original diamond and had it re-set into a gorgeous white gold setting with more diamonds. It is the perfect mix of old and new. I just love it!

nonmember avatar Shawn


jalaz77 jalaz77

amnewlon8982-have a new one made instead of resizing. Find a jeweler to make your new ring with the diamonds from your old one. Not being catty here but if you have a 4ct diamond money obviously isn't a problem. You should be able to afford the new ring made like the old. Taking the old down 4 sizes would be a very bad idea. You already know that though.

Yes I would upgrade if hubby mentioned it. I love my ring so I don't care.

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