DON'T Marry Him if His Parents Can't Stand You -- Trust Me, I Know

wedding bandsMaking the decision to kiss your single life goodbye and commit to one person for the rest of your life is pretty darn huge, to say the least. And while most of us go into marriage assuming there will be good times, bad times, and everything in between -- generally we figure we'll live happily ever after in one way or another.

But you know what puts a real damper on a seemingly good marriage? Shitty in-laws. Who have never done a damn thing for you and never will, and who have never bothered to do whatever it takes to make sure your relationship with them is healthy -- even if deep down inside they absolutely can't stand you. (People with half a conscience know how to fake it.)

And you know what the worst part of having horrible in-laws is? Odds are good you knew they were awful before you walked down the aisle and said, "I do."

But when you're in love (or think you're in love) and in the midst of planning a wedding and entering the next major chapter of your life, you tend to let things like your future in-laws treating you like garbage fall to the wayside. You figure the relationship will get better as soon as you're a part of their family.

That's exactly what I thought would happen to me -- but it didn't. Actually, from the moment I had a wedding band on my finger, things got progressively worse and worse over the years. And now it's to the point where sometimes I want to find a time machine and go back to my wedding day, kidnap myself, and ride off into the sunset alone to save me from a life of being related through marriage to people who obviously despise me and seem to go out of their way to remind me of that every chance they get.

That being said, I'd like to go ahead and issue a warning -- no, make that an ORDER -- to any future brides out there who are about to marry a man whose parents aren't kind, loving, accepting, insert any other warm and fuzzy adjective here.

DON'T MARRY HIM. I repeat -- DON'T MARRY HIM. 

If you do, you'll wind up regretting it someday. (Well, maybe not all of it if said marriage produces offspring -- but most of it.)

I don't care if you think he's "the one." I don't care how far along you are in the wedding planning process or how much money you've already spent. And I don't care if all your friends are getting married and you feel like you're the only one left and can't bear the thought of turning 30 and still being single.

DON'T MARRY HIM.

Trust me, several years later, when you're at a point where your marriage is teetering on the brink of failure, partly due to the issues his family has caused -- you'll wish you listened to me instead of making what will inevitably turn out to be the most disappointing choice of your life.

I'm not trying to rain on your parade, make you miserable, or ruin your hopes and dreams with a few ranty paragraphs. I'm trying to SAVE you so you don't wind up frustrated, sad, confused, and unsure what direction you want the course of your life to take -- like me.

RUN. (Now.)

Have you thought about calling off your engagement because of your future in-laws? (What are you waiting for?)

 

Image via Drew and Merissa/Flickr

dating, marriage

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nonmember avatar Cyndi

There are times that I look back and wonder if it would be better had we not married, or not when we did. Maybe waiting a bit longer and working out some of the issues between me, him and his parents would have been better. I still do not like my in-laws, but I have a wonderful husband who mostly supports me in dealing with his parents. We didn't actually see them for almost a year because we'd both had enough of their issues with us/me. They've just always been very oblivious people who have no concept of how their actions and words affect others.

Lovin... LovinJerseyMama

I've pretty much reached this conclusion and I'm glad there is an article backing up how I feel lol. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship until his family gets involved. They are a constant cause of stress and the trigger that starts most of our fights. There are many, many words I could use to describe them...and none of them are pleasant. I love my boyfriend dearly but I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life dealing with this constant bullsh*t. And the fact that we have two kids together makes it that much more tough. I can get over their crap. But when it affects my children....I could just blow the whole lot of them up. It's definitely tough. I'm hoping one day, when the kids are done with school and moving on, I can just pack my bags and run far away! Laughing manically the whole way lol

Laine... Lainey0468

I tend to agree with you 100%.  My (ex) in-laws lived right next door to us; and, if that wasn't bad enough, I got VERY sick with Lyme Disease and laid in bed for several months and they would not lift a finger to help me.  My poor (ex) had to work shift work and come home and take care of a 3-year old and a 5-year old because I literally could not lift my head.  My poor daughter took care of my son (at five years old!) when my ex worked because they did not think I was sick!!!  Oh it still pisses me off!!


angry

k18 k18

I don't wanna jinx it so far > knock on wood<, but my in-law relationship is ok, mostly bc they live out of the country and barely speak English. Dh fights with them occasionally, but not involving me so far.....we'll see what happens when we move :/

nonmember avatar blh

Even worse is when you're husband is a little bitch and won't put them in their place.

sassy... sassykat122

It goes both ways. I have had to put my parents in their place regarding my husband. I have made it clear he is my priority and though i want a relationship with them too if they don't watch what they say/do i will choose him. Also, i don't involve him when i've had these tiffs, don't vent to him about it. If more spouses took this route there would be much happier marriages, regardless of in laws

Nelli... NellieAthome

No, his parents can't ruin your marriage.


His unwillingness to deal with them (which is *his* fault) or your inability to ignore their behavior can certainly wreck your marriage  but both of those situations are 100% within the control of you and your husband. His parent's actions cannot. ruin your marriage  unless you let them


I do not speak from an  idealistic point of view - I speak as one whose mother-in-law has repeatedly said, even after 20+ years together,  "Her opinion does not count, she is not really part of the family"

Heath... HeatherMazzone

Oh lord honey I know exactly what you mean. The first three years of my marriage was complete hell bc of my in laws. I've known my husband since 7th grade and even then they had it out for me. Nobody could understand it. Everybody thought they were lucky to get me as a daughter in law. But who knows why in laws think the way they do. It wasn't until 3 years and one grandchild later that they finally changed their attitude towards me. Actually the father in law still won't talk to me or even acknowledge me but that's a step up from us cussing each other out. They were bullies to me. Plain and simple. And if I could go back I would NOT marry my husband bc he didn't stick up for me the way he should have and even played into their bullshit and would turn on me. Everything may be better now but I still resent the hell out of everybody and I'm not happy with my life one bit. I would love a do over.

Angie... AngieHayes

I hate my husbands parents, especially his mother. 

BGarcel BGarcel

Right on NellieAthome! MY In-Laws have straight up called me a slut or whore on multiple occasions (just not to my face) and have done many things to try to mess with the lives of my family. But we do not let them wreck our marriage.

If anything, having horrible in laws have made us stronger in our relationship than ever before.

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