5 Reasons You Should Have Sex Before Marriage

OMG 34

A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Hey, I'm all for people putting off sex until they're adults and can handle the ramifications. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone -- especially if you're a woman -- and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same. But one woman writes about her "purity pledge" that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short starter marriage. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage. Here's 5 reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say "I do."

Sexual chemistry. 

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her "purity" until her wedding night, writes in Salon:

Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.

As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn't.

Sexual identity. I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with a partner. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowlege them.

Sex itself. Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don't start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?

Size. Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I'm not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there?

Sexual issues. Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner's semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if the person is even going to deal with them.

Let's face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big of a part of a relationship to leave to chance.

Do you think it's a good idea to have sex before marriage?


Image via barbbarbbarb/Flickr

marriage, sex


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar Stephanie.r.e

I completely agree with this article. Sex is not everything but it is too big a thing to not know anything. It's a big deal. Not even for the love part but just some of the reasons mentioned.

Robin Slate

This is so shallow and imature. 'Jessica' proably had unrealistic expectations. The fact that she was expecting good makeup sex because her friends did shows that she was basing her. Sex life with that of her friends. No two intimate relationships are alike. The writer and 'jessica' both show extream sexual immaturity. My husband and I both waited until we were married and we have a great relationship in all aspects and I don't think that happened by chance.. just good decision making on both our parts before marriage. People like the writer of the article has probably read way to many romance novels and thinks things are suppposed to be perfect right from the start when you have to work to make all parts of your marriage to work. If you love someone enough you can work through any sexual disfunction. Sex is a precious gift to be shared only with someone you plan on spending a lifetime with.

fave82 fave82

This is ridiculous.

Caera Caera

If you don't know how to figure out if you have sexual chemistry with a potential husband without breaking a personal promise to remain a virgin until married, you're doing it wrong.


mommy... mommytoeandb

WTF?  DH and I dated for three years, and waited for marriage, with no issues.  We were not two naive kids who didn't discuss any of this and we did everything else except for seal the deal.  Hell...I could tell we had sexual chemistry just by kissing him.  Here's five great reasons to wait:

1.  No chance of pregnancy...nada.

2.  Avoiding STDs...awesomeness.

3.  Focusing on education...you know, so you can afford those potential kids.  

4.  Having enough self-esteem to tell a partner that you are waiting for marriage...and weeding out the ones who won't wait!

5.  And...finding a partner with the same moral values...priceless.    

B1Bomber B1Bomber

The fact that she thought faking orgasms was acceptable says a lot. DH and I were virgins on our wedding night and of course we had a lot to learn. Things didn't always "work" for both of us, and still occasionally don't. However, it's always good, usually great, and sometimes I-can't-even-move-now great. All it takes is honesty and willingness on each part to put the other first. And practice ;)

Also, benefits of waiting - no STDs, no single parenting, no wondering if he's just after sex, and no worry that he is comparing you, or you him, to other lovers.

nekoy... nekoyukidoll

I agree with everyone that waiting till your married is not a bad thing.  I'm doing it just on the basis of not wanting to worry if I get pregnant or get an STD.  

nonmember avatar justin

Most women lose all interest in sex a few years after they get married, on top pf gaining many pounds, so might as well get as much as you can before.

miche... micheledo

Wow. I don't know what to say. Wow.

How will you EVER know if your partner is a good listener or responder??? Sex is clearly the only way you can determine that. I am just SO fortunate my husband turned out to be a good listener. 'Cause I had no clue before I married him.

Size is obviously SO important. I mean, aside from the fact, that to this day I still have no clue what is big or small.

Sexual issues. There's a good one. Basically if you have sexual issues, you better just plan on never being in a relationship. 'Cause there's no hope for you. No one wants to deal with that let alone be married to you, and heaven forbid, have to help you figure out the problem, work through it, and find a solution. Because no one wants to deal with problemsand working things out in a marriage.

Yep. What a great article.

nonmember avatar Octoberbird

Leave it to Kiri to write another insensitive and arrogant article. Right now, she's as bad as those who say that no one should have sex before marriage.

1-10 of 34 comments 1234 Last