My Second Marriage Will Not End in Divorce

Number 2I’m coming up on the seven-year anniversary of my second marriage.

And I’m really, really happy in my relationship with my husband.

But I can’t help thinking back to this same time in my first marriage, when I was unhappy and contemplating divorce. Which I followed through with just a year later.

What a difference the second time around has been. I have no doubt that this marriage will last for an eternity.

And I’m not alone. A study by the Marriage Foundation found that second marriages are less likely to end in divorce. While 45 percent of first marriages break up, only 31 percent of second marriages follow suit.

I like those statistics. And I agree with the reasons that go along with them: age and experience.

When I got married the first time, I did it because sure, I was in love with my husband-to-be. But I was also in my late 20s and all my friends were getting married too. I wanted the things that I thought marriage guaranteed: love, intimacy, security, and children.

I got the children. Because of them, I'll never say that I shouldn’t have gotten married the first time. But looking back, I know that ultimately, my ex-husband and I weren’t suited for each other. Not by a long shot.

After I got divorced, I was in no hurry to get into another relationship. I had my kids, a job I enjoyed, and good friends. Plus I wanted to have fun, play the field a little, and have casual sex. So when I did finally start dating again, I knew exactly what I didn't want in a boyfriend, and later, a husband.

Plus, the only real reason to get married a second time was to live happily ever after with a true partner whom I was madly in love with. I found that with my second husband. And then some.

Sure this marriage has its own set of circumstances, the most stressful being that we are a blended family. Which means that my husband lives with my teenaged kids most of the time. And his teen daughter comes to stay with us every other weekend and half of the holidays.

And that's not always easy, but after almost seven years, we’ve pretty much got it worked out. And in a few years, the kids will be going away to college.

We'll be left with just each other. I can't wait.

If you're on marriage number two, how is it different for you?


Image via Tim Green aka atoach/Flickr

divorce, marriage, breakups, dating, exes, in the news, love, romance tip, weddings, turn-ons

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youth... youthfulsoul

I agree. I learned A lot from going through a divorce. I intend not to do that again.

Coles... Coles_mom

Somehow I didn't learn anything from my first. The first was just a "free spirit" and I wanted a home and family. He wanted to backpack through South America. He was an alright guy- just nothing like me. The second was/is a disaster. He's probably the worst man on the planet. The second time I went for business man, family guy and what I ended up with was someone who is charming and handsome in the outside, but manipulative, evil, and battling addictions on the inside. He makes first husband look like a walk in the park. The man scares me to death and we have three kids. Hopefully the kids and I come out of this unscathed.

lovem... lovemy2sons25

I got married when I was 19 and divorced when I was 21. We had no kids and didn't own anything together I was very unhappy so it was an easy decision. I'm 25 now I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have 2 sons together and no plans to tie the knot anytime soon, we are not even engaged yet. I was dating my ex husband for 3 months when we got married so I learned to definently slow down and even though me and my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have 2 kids are relationship is very rocky at times, we currently aren't living together but that's only because of financial reasons but we just want financial stability and to improve on our relationship and make sure we can work things out before we get married.

CrazyAZ CrazyAZ

The most stressful part is that once in awhile you have to take care of your children from your first marriages? Really? Thank goodness you didn't stay married or else you'd have to care for those kids full time. I'm glad you dodged that bullet. And I'm glad you both have exes that are willing to be the main care providers for those children. Happy Mothers Day.

nonmember avatar Christina

Wow, coles_mom i'm sorry your experience was so negative, that is truly awful. I too was married young, at 21 and within a year my high school sweetheart had developed a drinking problem and a drug addiction. It took me another 3 years to face up to reality and realize that he would never changed. Our divorce was final at 26 and I am not 30 and married to a wonderful man for 1 & 1/2 years that treats me amazing. He is my best friend and life has never been better. I never had kids with my first husband, and I am thankful for that because my ex still struggles with addiction and rehab, not something I would like to be involved in (i'll save that for his new wife). I really learned a lot in my divorce, I learned how strong I am and what I deserve in life. I hope everyone that has to deal with a divorce has that same experience.

nonmember avatar Karen

What you said in the paragraph about getting your children in your first marriage so never saying it shouldn't have happened, but you and your first husband not being suited for each other is almost exactly my story as well. I am extremely happily married this time around ( 3 years) and we will not become another divorce statistic. My youngest is 18 and in college so we are enjoying the time together immensely. looks like we are both blessed this time around. I am so happy that I blog about it! Congrats!

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