5 Reasons a Wife Can ALWAYS Say 'No' to Sex

turning down sexOne of the perks of being married is that sex is kind of always on the menu. When you are single and sexually active outside of a relationship, you can go for months without getting any and it can be stressful, depressing, and downright frustrating. Even with all this being said, though, sex is never really guaranteed every night and every day without any boundaries. That isn't what marriage is all about.

It seems a contingent of women are proud of the fact that they "never say no" to their spouses. I would argue that, in many cases, constantly saying yes is bad for your marriage, too. I know in my marriage, my husband really only wants to when I am in the mood, too. He would rather I say no (and respect me more) one night and then be hella excited the next one.

A wife isn't a personal sex slave. Men respect a woman with boundaries more anyway, and sometimes we are just not in the mood. With this in mind, here are 5 reasons a woman should say no:

1. She is tired: Yes, sometimes sex can energize you, and sure, you can try that, but in general, if you are tired, SLEEP. Don't force yourself to do something you only half want to do. No one wins in that scenario.

2. She feels fat: Sorry, but the idea of having sex when you feel gross and unattractive isn't that appealing. By all means, get over it quickly, but every woman is allowed one "no" day because she is bloated and feeling less than sexy.

3. She is reading/watching a movie/whatever: Respect your wife's time and she will respect yours. If a man wants sex while a woman is reading, then HE is the selfish one. Give a lady some peace, dude. She probably doesn't want to have her vagina probed while she is in the best part of a book she hasn't been able to get to all day.

4. She is "touched out": For a woman with many kids, there does come a critical mass of touching and that happens kind of early on. Give her some space.

5. She isn't in the mood: I am not suggesting women always say no to sex or that women are the only ones who say no (all these go for guys, too), but in a healthy sex life where both partners are satisfied, there is room for "no" sometimes, too. Not being in the mood is a good reason for no.

Do you ever turn down sex?


Image via sboneham/Flickr



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B1Bomber B1Bomber

I had miserable pregnancies that accounted for 18 of the 34 months we've been married, plus the healing time after delivery, so yes, I've said "sorry, not tonight' plenty of times. But I married an adult, and he doesn't ever pout about it.

redK8... redK8blueSt8

I think while all of those reasons are for why a wife might want to say no, that none of them are actual good reason to say no.

Probably the only two reasons to say no to being intimate with your spouse is if you are in pain (i.e. surgery, cramps, endometriosis), or have just had a baby.

"Wow, that fantastic orgasm was not worth it." Said nobody. Ever.

Bloom... Bloomie79

"But I married an adult, and he doesn't ever pout about it." 

I love this! If you want to be with a partner who never says no hire one, get a doll, or just take a deep breath and grow up. Your wife/husband doesn't need a reason to say no.

""Wow, that fantastic orgasm was not worth it." Said nobody. Ever." 

Dilusional much? You really think a person who has no interest in sleeping with you is getting off? That's the sound they make so you'll get off of them and go away. 

Rootbear Rootbear

Mine doesn't pout about it either. We're busy people, half the time working opposite shifts, renovating a house.....sometimes there just isn't time and I'm worse with not realizing how MUCH time has passed since we've had sex. We'll be driving somewhere and he'll casually say something like "Oh so I was reading online about the importance of ejaculation to help prevent prostate cancer. Cancer sucks....right? Just sayin"  It's pretty funny.

LadyM... LadyMinni

There were times when I thought I would rather sleep than have sex. I was always wrong. But I'm young and constantly horny, so it's kind of to be expected. I refuse, however, to do anything when I'm on my period. It's icky. But that's what the Depo is for :)

Cel7777 Cel7777

I don't say "no" to sex, not because of some particular belief system (although I do think couples should have sex regularly), but because my hubby IS that person who pouts and gets all butt hurt if I do. It's just not worth the drama to me. I'm already stressed out and I don't need any more drama. But honestly I can say that it has had a negative affect on my desire overall.

BGarcel BGarcel

I have said no before, but so has my husband. I dont believe that the wife is the only one who should be in control of the couple's sex life. So I dont always say no when I am not in the mood at that particular moment. I am always upfront about my feelings though. If Im not in the mood, I tell him and he "makes it quick" or decides not to. My point is, it is not up to me that we are not having sex. Its up to us.

And often, when I am not in the mood, my husband gets me in the mood and I end up enjoying it and having awesome orgasms. So I strongly dislike this article. A wife or husband cant ALWAYS say no.

nonmember avatar BostonBob

The correct answer is "They are SOMETIMES allowed to say NO."

But I find giving a nice warm-oil massage goes a long way toward turning a "I'm not really in the mood" to a "Let's get naked". Oh wait...if I give her a massage, she's already naked. I'm a genius!

Todd Vrancic

Yes you are, BostonBob.  I'm human, sometimes I pout when my wife isn't in the mood, but then I'll get over it.  She will help me out when she's not up to full intercourse, so I think she's pretty terrific.

Richard Starr

Both sides can always say no when they are not in the mood.
That said, it has to be done in the right way so as to still
communicate that you care for them. Certainly I prefer the
concept of someone choosing to not have sex rather than using
sex as a way to manipulate their partner.

In any case, if this happens too often, don't be that surprised
if the marriage comes to a dissolution.

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