Anti-Masturbation Movement Could Make Better Lovers of Us All

Say What!? 12

kissingSome of us see masturbation as a beautiful thing. The most thrilling solo dance. Like a waltz with your hand. Others may truly feel it makes you go blind and grow hair on your palms. Those people clearly are out of touch ... with themselves. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Particularly if we overdose on porn. Men, I'm looking at you. Overdoing self-pleasure when watching unattainable porn sex can make you disinterested in making sweet love with an actual person. It takes away from the beautiful tango you could be doing with a lover.

Out of this, an anti-masturbation movement was born so that lovers can be more lovely when it comes to lovemaking. I can't argue with that kind of thinking. But I don't think we should retire our solo trysts or porno love either. And just like many relationships, this thought is complicated.

The Frisky's Josephine Ledger profiled a piece on how it's a good thing men are reflecting about masturbation. One guy, Greg Barris, was quoted as saying, "I’m resetting my dick and my brain," when referring to abstaining from self pleasure, porn, and even sex with another person. A guy named Henry said when he doesn't masturbate for a long stretch of time it's like being on antidepressants. So not diddling with himself made him feel more "alert, younger and far more attracted to women, better able to communicate with them, better able to perform in bed." Wow. Throw out your Lexapro and shut down YouPorn.

This issue of masturbation seems more focused on men. Perhaps because most women don't masturbate nearly as much as men do. Maybe that's because we're such internal kittens and men have a bone protruding out of their pelvis. Poor things. Perhaps we should feel bad for them ... oh wait, they don't bleed for days every month or go through pregnancy and childbirth and cellulite and having to shave legs and underarms daily. No. I don't feel bad for them at all. But I do feel bad for us women. Because some men just aren't fucking us as good as they can be because they are all screwed up on porn. It's what the other sex uses to masturbate most of the time.

Ledger wrote how she masturbates to the thought of a lover -- past of present. Oddly, I've never spoken to another woman about this but I wish I spoke to her because that's exactly what I think about when I get romantic with myself. Once or twice Ben Affleck but only when he's in the character he plays in The Town. Oh and Dave Grohl. Maybe Jack White. Yeah, David Duchovny. But these are real men, not porno stars doing unrealistic things in unrealistic situations. Porn essentially puts your sex expections on drugs. You need more, more, more, harder, faster, bigger, and while this could sound sexy I mean it in the least sexy way imaginable. It makes men fantasize about women who aren't "real" -- it makes us not be passionate in the way we should be passionate. Maybe too much porn makes men bad lovers, not better ones. Ledger's boyfriend admitted he had a porn problem so he stopped masturbating to it. Switched things up and only thought about her instead when he took matters into his own hands. You can guess what happened -- their sex life "skyrocketed."

When anyone uses the word "skyrocketed" to describe something it makes me want to try it. I think all women and men should therefore try this anti-masturbation to porn movement. Heck, reduce the self-love a little to maybe "re-set" your private parts and your brain like Barris said. You can still watch some porn here and there. Just not obsessively. You won't suffer. Your sex life could be better, even if it's already awesome. Worth a try.

Do you think too much masturbation, particularly to porn, makes sex suffer?


Image via Courtney/Flickr

love, sex


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

silen... silentlady

uhh way to be completely SEXIST in this piece of drivel. I want the last 30 seconds of my life back...

nonmember avatar lol

typical,liberal feminazi hit-job article thinking she has "men all figured out"...then links to another male bashing site (the frisky) Zzzzzzzzzzzzz,id say its the other way around these days and the attitudes of ALOT of women reflect that

SaphireH SaphireH

Ive had sex with guys who to masturbate and guys who dont and guys who watch porn vs those who use pics and each is different so it truly doesn't in my opinion affect sex at all. The best sex i have ever had is a guy who watched porn and masturbated a lot then once i came along he would wack it to my dirty pics i would send him and yes it was obvious he watched porn but he knew how to touch me and please me in ways no other guy ever had which made everything way better!

SaphireH SaphireH

That should be guys who do^

kckcm2 kckcm2

Knowing how to please yourself is the first step in having good sex masturbation is a good thing. Well I would admit it would p*ss me off if I felt like I wasn't getting enough and my husband was in the next room yanking one out when I'm ready and raring to go overall I think this whole article is pretty messed up

nonmember avatar MrsClark

This could have been a good article, but you come off sounding snarky and sexist. What in the world does cellulite and bleeding once a month have to do with the point you are trying to get across? Really, women don't masturbate as much as men? Ok. Lol. You make us sound like prude ice princesses. Do some research and get off your high horse before writing another article. Since you don't masturbate as much as men, maybe u should do it more often. Maybe then u wouldn't be so tense.

BGarcel BGarcel

I was going to say something in disagreement with this article but then I read the comments. Now I think there is not much left to say.

Although I will say this, there is such a thing as porn addiction (though at the moment not officially diagnosed in the current DSM-MD, it is likely the be changed) and treatments for porn addiction.

Kate Cooley

I hate it when women complain about their man masturbating. All guys masturbate. All women SHOULD masturbate. It's not something dirty or forbidden. And for guys, it's not a subsitute for good sex. It's just something they do. Brush teeth? Check. Shower? Check. Fap? Check. Get over it.

And if it IS being used as a substitute for sex, then something isn't right in your sex life. Something way more involved than "yanking it."


bella... bellacazzate

As a very liberal feminist, I say this kind of rhetoric has to stop. Not once do you mention porn addiction, but rather, you lump and generalize an entire species. Many men aren't addicted to porn and have active and healthy sex lives, so your tone falls flat for a good portion of readers. 

Consider this: 

"Perhaps we should feel bad for [men] ... oh wait, they don't bleed for days every month or go through pregnancy and childbirth and cellulite and having to shave legs and underarms daily. No. I don't feel bad for them at all." 

Now fill in where [men] is one of these: gays, blacks, lesbians, Americans, children, et al. If it sounds offensive, you're not doing a good enough job making your point.

nonmember avatar Dave

What a bunch of bs. My sex life with my girlfriend is great. I am very attentive to her and make sure she is satisfied always. However, I have a high testosterone level and my sex drive is slightly higher than hers, so I'm not giving up masturbation. Besides, it's great for the prostate and can help lower my chances of prostate cancer. Hey if you want your man to obey your every order, good for you. Won't work for me.

1-10 of 12 comments 12 Last