Some of us see masturbation as a beautiful thing. The most thrilling solo dance. Like a waltz with your hand. Others may truly feel it makes you go blind and grow hair on your palms. Those people clearly are out of touch ... with themselves. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Particularly if we overdose on porn. Men, I'm looking at you. Overdoing self-pleasure when watching unattainable porn sex can make you disinterested in making sweet love with an actual person. It takes away from the beautiful tango you could be doing with a lover.
Out of this, an anti-masturbation movement was born so that lovers can be more lovely when it comes to lovemaking. I can't argue with that kind of thinking. But I don't think we should retire our solo trysts or porno love either. And just like many relationships, this thought is complicated.
The Frisky's Josephine Ledger profiled a piece on how it's a good thing men are reflecting about masturbation. One guy, Greg Barris, was quoted as saying, "I’m resetting my dick and my brain," when referring to abstaining from self pleasure, porn, and even sex with another person. A guy named Henry said when he doesn't masturbate for a long stretch of time it's like being on antidepressants. So not diddling with himself made him feel more "alert, younger and far more attracted to women, better able to communicate with them, better able to perform in bed." Wow. Throw out your Lexapro and shut down YouPorn.
This issue of masturbation seems more focused on men. Perhaps because most women don't masturbate nearly as much as men do. Maybe that's because we're such internal kittens and men have a bone protruding out of their pelvis. Poor things. Perhaps we should feel bad for them ... oh wait, they don't bleed for days every month or go through pregnancy and childbirth and cellulite and having to shave legs and underarms daily. No. I don't feel bad for them at all. But I do feel bad for us women. Because some men just aren't fucking us as good as they can be because they are all screwed up on porn. It's what the other sex uses to masturbate most of the time.
Ledger wrote how she masturbates to the thought of a lover -- past of present. Oddly, I've never spoken to another woman about this but I wish I spoke to her because that's exactly what I think about when I get romantic with myself. Once or twice Ben Affleck but only when he's in the character he plays in The Town. Oh and Dave Grohl. Maybe Jack White. Yeah, David Duchovny. But these are real men, not porno stars doing unrealistic things in unrealistic situations. Porn essentially puts your sex expections on drugs. You need more, more, more, harder, faster, bigger, and while this could sound sexy I mean it in the least sexy way imaginable. It makes men fantasize about women who aren't "real" -- it makes us not be passionate in the way we should be passionate. Maybe too much porn makes men bad lovers, not better ones. Ledger's boyfriend admitted he had a porn problem so he stopped masturbating to it. Switched things up and only thought about her instead when he took matters into his own hands. You can guess what happened -- their sex life "skyrocketed."
When anyone uses the word "skyrocketed" to describe something it makes me want to try it. I think all women and men should therefore try this anti-masturbation to porn movement. Heck, reduce the self-love a little to maybe "re-set" your private parts and your brain like Barris said. You can still watch some porn here and there. Just not obsessively. You won't suffer. Your sex life could be better, even if it's already awesome. Worth a try.
Do you think too much masturbation, particularly to porn, makes sex suffer?
Image via Courtney/Flickr