My 30 Dating Dealbreakers Mean I'll Be Single Forever

One great thing about getting older is that I know what I want and don't want in a relationship. After you've had a few serious relationships, and a few non-serious ones, and they haven't worked out, you do tend to end up with an intractable set of dealbreakers. After all, you've been there, done that, and don't want to be there or do that ever again. The problem is that the older you get, the longer the dealbreaker list becomes. Until you've run out of every person on the planet.

My actual list of dealbreakers -- containing issues both large and small -- is so exhaustive these days that the chances of my meeting a man who doesn't have a least one or two of these dealbreakers is virtually nil. But hope springs eternal.

Here are 30 absolute dealbreakers:

1. He stares at his cellphone screen while we're together.

2. He drinks too much. I can't define "too much" but I'll know it when I see it.

3. He smokes.

4. He doesn't exercise -- ever.

5. He's really into watching sports -- especially anything having to do with wrestling, football, or race car driving.

6. He likes to stay out late. A lot.

7. He can't hold down a job.

8. He's a trust fund baby who has never had to have a job.

9. He's got money issues, is always broke, or in major debt. He gambles.

10. He smokes pot or does any kind of drug.

11. He has a history of cheating.

12. He is SO gone after he lies to me for the second time. He'll get ONE warning.

13. He watches a lot of porn.

14. He's shady about introducing me to his friends or family.

15. He's wishy-washy on commitment.

16. He has to run decisions by his mom.

17. He hates his job and complains about it all the time.

18. He loves his job and is dedicated to it 24/7.

19. He broke up with a serious girlfriend within the past three months.

20. He seems even the tiniest bit gay.

21. He's got anger issues.

22. He's obsessed with status and money and cares about things like bottle service, brand names, and who was seen with whom.

23. He stares hungrily at other women while we're together.

24. He lives more than an hour away.

25. He doesn't get my jokes.

26. He watches crappy TV.

27. He's racist or homophobic or misogynist.

28. He's over 30 and still trying to "find" himself.

29. He's allergic to animals.

30. He's got depression or other mental health issues.

I know, I KNOW. I have just excluded every single male in the country. And the sad thing is, there's probably more. But I don't want to keep you all night.

On the other hand, I don't care if he's tall, what he wears (as long as he doesn't stink), or how much money he makes so long as he can support himself. Nor do I care if he's bald or balding. Or even if he has a small dick! I mean, I wouldn't care much anyway. Yes, I'm willing to date a bald, short, lower middle class dude with a small package -- as long as he doesn't do any of the above. Doesn't that count for something?!

What are your dealbreakers?


Image via David N. Cooper/Flickr

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CLM3345 CLM3345

I actually agree with all of these! I think you can still run some decisions by your parents. My dad is really smart so I still call him on a lot of different decisions I'm making. I hate it if dudes are too clingy.

nonmember avatar bless

I like your list

amnew... amnewlon8982

My hubby has none of these qualities. He's 25 and I'm 30 and he found himself with me.

amnew... amnewlon8982

Or should I say he found himself when he found me. He was 22 and didn't know how much Jr really wanted a grown up relationship and I was his first serious, like marriage serious, relationship. And it worked and continues to work. He grew up fast and to my standards, which were hard to meet because I was a single mom with a deal breaker lost a mile long having just come out of a marriage that was based on lies. His, not mine.

nonmember avatar Some Guy

Mental health issues are out? That's 20% of the population right there. Has to have a job, but he can't hate it or love it and being ambitious is out. If he was otherwise perfect but had animal allergies that's a automatic disqualification? Aren't we a demanding little princess. He would probably take to drinking or drugs just from being around you.

hh0y13 hh0y13

Sorry, Im already married to that guy.  My husband would fit your list - all except maybe the "crappy tv" issue - but that is my opinion.  Its fine thought because he does not really care for what I like to watch either.  Its ok.  We have more than one tv. 

LostS... LostSoul88

I agree with most of them

nonmember avatar guest

Well,i wonder what the woman making the list looks like ? and what kind of entitlement issues they have? Then you have the last asinine,condescending paragraph most of which no guy can do anything about.No wonder so many guys are addicts and so screwed up these days they have to put up with clueless B#@CHES like you! No wonder no one wanted to put their name to the post.

prplecat prplecat

I'm waiting for a guy to come along, post HIS dealbreakers, and get eviscerated.  *lol*

nonmember avatar blh

Most of these are smart. But the TV one and the sports one is stupid. You don't have rk agree on everything. And I certainly wouldn't discount a good guy BC he's allergic to animals.

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