I Dumped a Guy When I Learned of His Shady Past -- Wouldn’t You?

heartWhen it comes to dating, we women have all sorts of deal-breakers. I have a friend who won't date a guy if he smokes certain cigarette brands. Odd, right? It's not the fact that he smokes that irks her, but rather which ones. Well, to each her own, I say. I have certainly had my fair share of reasons for turning a guy down. I'll never forget one relationship that crashed and burned for something I never saw coming.

One spring day, I happened to meet a guy I'll call Mike. By all superficial appearances, Mike seemed great. He was cute, witty, and most importantly, seemed really into me. I thought, "Jackpot!" Even better, he said he was studying to be a chef. How cool is that? Things started off well enough. Our dates were fun, sweet outings along the lines of picnics or hitting matinees. I thought, "What an old-school romantic." Well, that's what I thought anyway. Turns out, our sun-filled, afternoon dates were hiding a deep, dark secret.

Of course, I didn't know it at the time. After seeing each other for a few weeks, I started to get suspicious when I realized we NEVER ventured out at night. NEVER. I'd suggest a late dinner, and he said he liked to eat early. A concert? He wasn't a fan of anyone playing. And forget about hitting a club like the rest of the people our age. He wasn't into that loud, hectic scene -- or so he said.

Needless to say, I was sure he was hiding some double life. I went through a litany of two-timing scenarios. He was dating someone else. He was dating someone else I know. What if that someone else was a man? Oh, my gosh, he is bisexual and he is hiding his male lover from me. Finally, during an evening time phone call -- the only kind of interaction I had with him after dusk -- I confronted him. I wanted to know what the hell was going on. "Why can't we go out at night?" I whined. He tried to change the subject. When that didn't work, he gave me some lame excuse about studying and getting enough sleep for his morning classes. I called bullshit, of course.

Finally, he'd had enough of my incessant pestering and blurted out, "Look, I'm on tether, okay!" There was a long, silent pause in the conversation as the wheels turned in my mind. "Tether? Do you mean HOUSE ARREST?!" I said. Of course the next thing out of my mouth was to ask what in the world had he done? The answer? Armed robbery. More stunned silence.

I am a bit embarrassed to admit this -- but that was the last time I ever spoke to him. I know some people would say that makes me a terrible person. And believe me, there are times I have felt guilty about cutting things off so abruptly. But to be frank, I was more than a little freaked out. I wanted to probe him for details -- who did you rob? Did you use a gun? Did you have a partner in crime? None of which I asked. I just made up some lame, awkward excuse about why I had to get off the phone and that was it.

I was young and at that point in my life, this was not something I knew how to deal with. The really pathetic part? I probably could have dealt with him being a two-timer, better than a criminal. I just didn't feel comfortable dating someone who had committed a crime like that. Oh well. I hope Mike is doing well and eventually found a girlfriend much more understanding than I ever was.

Would you break up with a guy if you found out he was a felon?


Image via bixentro/Flickr

breakups, dating


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Vegeta Vegeta

Seems like he was trying hard to make his life better and not embarrass himself or the author. Airing your dirty laundry isn't something everyone is comfortable with sharing with someone they've only known a few weeks.

nonmember avatar CrystalMP

I had an ex boyfriend who was charged with armed robbery for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. You never really know what might have actually happened unless tou were there. But I guess if you didnt really know the guy I can underatand getting out while your still not attatched

nonmember avatar April

In high school I dated a guy from a group home for troubled teens. About 3 weeks in, he said that his therapist told him that he had to tell me what he did to go to the group home. It turns out he had sexually molested his younger sister. That was a deal breaker. I could have handled almost anything else

nonmember avatar blh

You did EXACTLY the right thing and you shouldn't be ashamed at all. Too many women go for losers or stay with them when they can get so much better. I was one of them. You deserve an honest good guy, not a THIEF. I have had the extreme misfortune of knowing these types of people and 90 % of them never change. And if you're not a good person, you certainly won't be a good boyfriend/girlfriend.

tuffy... tuffymama

Don't be ashamed for being smart! Ever! Listen to your inner voice; that is God knocking. Pay no attention to people who tell you otherwise.

jalaz77 jalaz77

Yup I would.

amp1017 amp1017

My boyfriend of 3 years is a convicted felon. I don't judge him by his past. He did those things and made those mistakes when he was a kid and running drugs and passing bad checks was "cool" at that age. It's been a VERY long time since he has been in trouble. He works, pays child support and provides for me. He is clean and has been for a number of years. What he did before me doesn't determine his future with me.

Choco... Chocodoxies

Don't be ashamed! If he wasn't willing to deal with the time, he shouldnt' have commited the crime. Part of being a criminal is the way that you are treated in society for doing the deed, and make no mistake, you deserve the mark of humiliation for armed robbery. It isn't that hard to NOT commit a felony and it is not as if this happend years before and he had repented and proven he could function in society. This guy was STILL on house arrest. That is like dating the criminal while they are still in jail for the crime. I am positive you will get a hundred comments from women who badmouth you for your decision, but this is the internet so it isn't as if you can see that they married a winner.   Sure, maybe Jesus would have turned the other cheek, and been understanding, opening his heart to the man and offering forgivness... but even Jesus wouldn't have dated him.

nonmember avatar Jenna

If I found out the guy I was dating was under house arrest, I probably wouldn't jump to conclusions and assume the worse of him, but to be on the safe side, I would not continue dating him.

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