What to Do When You're the 'Emotional One' in Your Marriage

Love & Sex 6

The good and bad of being the emotional one in your marriageIn my marriage, I'm what you might call "the emotional one," or "over-emotional" depending on who you talk to. And I'm totally okay with that, especially since my husband is the complete opposite. 

But what I'm learning is that every quality we have can help and hurt a relationship. The challenge is how you find balance in something you love about yourself so that it actually helps and not hurts your marriage.

So as the emotional one, I'm the one who celebrates, who whoops it up for big and small things, which I think is wonderful to have in a family. And I'm all for honoring feelings and the ability to express them in a safe way.

But being super expressive has its downsides, many of which I wish I could change and a few that have caused issues in my relationship, especially now that I'm "super expressive with a side of hormones." I'm pretty sure having four kids has added a whole new layer to how I express and deal with my emotions.

For example, once I get spun up or upset about something, especially when I'm PMSing (what's up with that?), I can get escalated pretty quickly into a tizzy of loud talking (sometimes yelling) and tears.

It's sort of like someone blew up the Hoover Dam.

I do my best to rebuild things as quickly as possible, or separate myself from the situation so that I can breathe and think, but hey, I'm human, and unfortunately I'm not always able to keep it together.

I can also be really sensitive and often take things too personally. Instead of just rationally saying something about whatever was said or done or communicating my feelings appropriately, it becomes a BFD, when really it's not even a deal at all.

I'm pretty sure the first step to dealing with anything is identifying that you have a problem, which in this case is two-sided: I want to be emotionally available, but I don't want to let that interfere with my relationship with my husband.

But the next step is creating coping skills and cues to help keep myself in check as best I can. I'll share those with you next week.

How do you deal with being overly sensitive in your relationship?

 

Image via Yayra Hernandez/Flickr

marriage

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nikol... nikolita87

Wow, it's as if you can read my mind! Everything you wrote hit home for me. I try to handle it in the same way too- breathing, removing myself from the situation, etc. But also as you mentioned it is not a perfected art. We're human. And that's okay but I'm still trying. I think being conscious of trying can work too. It's just one more thing to think about but it's worth it if it helps.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

I get overly emotional too sometimes and take it out on my boyfriend. It usually happens when I'm stressed or overwhelmed with something else and there's no other outlet for it. I just have to constantly remind myself that making my boyfriend be my punching bag all the time isn't good for either one of us. To deal with it, I've started keeping a diary and when I absolutely NEED to talk to someone about my problem, I preface by saying something like "Sorry I'm going off on a rant right now but I'm so angry/frustrated/upset that I just need to talk about it."

ZamEnt25 ZamEnt25

Note for the Author: If this is happening around your period, maybe you have PMDD? The reason I say this is because this happens to me too! I either get overly angry or VERY emotional like a broken dam! I have been eating better and exercising and trying different supplements to make it better. I am not an advocate of antidepressants, but they work for some women.

Rachelle Rinn Shurtliff

I'm the emotional one in our marriage.  And I am so glad that my husband is even and stable!  We don't need two of us in the marriage.  lol

tbruc... tbrucemom

I used to be overly emotional and sensitive but then I went thru a divorce and it made be "tougher". I think when you go thru something so draining it makes the smaller things seem like not such a big deal.

Angie... AngieHayes

I too get upset over things I don't think people give a second thought... I can't help the way I am though, just learn to deal with it.

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