What to Do When You're the 'Emotional One' in Your Marriage

Love & Sex 6

The good and bad of being the emotional one in your marriageIn my marriage, I'm what you might call "the emotional one," or "over-emotional" depending on who you talk to. And I'm totally okay with that, especially since my husband is the complete opposite. 

But what I'm learning is that every quality we have can help and hurt a relationship. The challenge is how you find balance in something you love about yourself so that it actually helps and not hurts your marriage.

So as the emotional one, I'm the one who celebrates, who whoops it up for big and small things, which I think is wonderful to have in a family. And I'm all for honoring feelings and the ability to express them in a safe way.

But being super expressive has its downsides, many of which I wish I could change and a few that have caused issues in my relationship, especially now that I'm "super expressive with a side of hormones." I'm pretty sure having four kids has added a whole new layer to how I express and deal with my emotions.

For example, once I get spun up or upset about something, especially when I'm PMSing (what's up with that?), I can get escalated pretty quickly into a tizzy of loud talking (sometimes yelling) and tears.

It's sort of like someone blew up the Hoover Dam.

I do my best to rebuild things as quickly as possible, or separate myself from the situation so that I can breathe and think, but hey, I'm human, and unfortunately I'm not always able to keep it together.

I can also be really sensitive and often take things too personally. Instead of just rationally saying something about whatever was said or done or communicating my feelings appropriately, it becomes a BFD, when really it's not even a deal at all.

I'm pretty sure the first step to dealing with anything is identifying that you have a problem, which in this case is two-sided: I want to be emotionally available, but I don't want to let that interfere with my relationship with my husband.

But the next step is creating coping skills and cues to help keep myself in check as best I can. I'll share those with you next week.

How do you deal with being overly sensitive in your relationship?

 

Image via Yayra Hernandez/Flickr

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