cheatingThere seems to be a lot of talk lately about why men are allowed to cheat on us. If we get fat, they are allowed to cheat. If we so much as look at them cross-eyed, then it's like totally OK for them to step out on their marriage vows and insert their penis into another woman, right? I mean, it's only fair.

As women we vow to obey, serve, cook dinner, tend children, and look hot while doing it. I can't be the only woman who pities these "poor" men stuck in loveless marriages with overweight sea hags who don't cook dinner, can I?

I mean, ladies, come ON. It's our job to serve our husband's every whim, right? So, with this in mind, I decided to come up with a short (OK, long) list of ALL the reasons it's perfectly acceptable for a man to cheat on you. All is fair in love and war, right? And if you aren't holding up your end of the bargain, why should he?! See below:

1.) You don't go to the gym: Skipping the gym means you are fat, you fatty fatso. And since you vowed to stay thin, well, you know, you totally deserve it.

2.) You DO go to the gym: Who are you trying to look hot for, huh? He is suspicious and that suspicion drives him away ... right between another chick's legs!

3.) You don't cook enough dinner: What kind of lazy wife would let her man starve? The kind who is going to end up DIVORCED while your old husband frolics with his newer, hotter, cookier wife.

4.) You DO cook dinner: Are you remembering to ask him if he likes those olives you put on the pizza? No? Well then, you can't REALLY expect him to stay faithful. Besides, cooking is boring. Where is the magic of those early date nights at a city bistro?

5.) You don't dress up for him: If you are in sweats all day, you totally aren't keeping the HOT in mother (it's in there somewhere, right?) and will probably find yourself staring down his mistress in the not too distant future.

6.) You DO dress up for him: After all, this means you spent money and money is the number one reason couples fight. Why fight when you can cheat?

7.) You wear sweats to bed: Where is the magic? The lingerie? The teddies? The sexiness you used to exude? It's YOUR fault for letting that magic go and he had to go find it somewhere else. Of course.

8.) You don't wear sweats to bed: It all circles back to fat, and honey, put those sweats on because you don't look good naked. Being next to your fat body all night would drive any man to cheat.

Sigh. We women just can't win, can we?

Have you heard any of these gems?

 

Image via denharsh/Flickr