Sex Confession: Wife No Longer Attracted to Husband Because "He's Fat"

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man shadow"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

Can we re-gain sexual attraction after it's lost? That's what Julia* is wondering because she's been having a hard time being excited to have sex with Peter*, her husband of nine years. They have three kids and are generally happy, but Julia says that Peter has gained about 30 pounds in the last few years (maybe even more) and it's making him look sloppy. "He's fat," she says and she is is slightly repulsed by him and never wants to have sex with him. When they do, she says, it's a chore. Let hear more from Julia.

I feel like a terrible wife. I've talked to Peter about his weight but he doesn't seem to care. He eats so much junk food when he's at work and it's made him gain 30 or more pounds. He's sloppy and sweaty and smelly and I feel like he's turned into a slob version of his former self. This isn't just about sex, though it is a very big deal to me. He shouldn't be overweight for his health. We have three kids who want to run around with him.

And when he does want to have sex, I'm grossed out. It just doesn't feel intimate anymore. His huge belly is in the way and he gets really sweaty right away and it's hard for me to be in the moment and get into it. He's fat and it's distracting. What also gets to me is that he used to tease me when I was pregnant that I wouldn't be able to lose the weight I gained, but I did. Each time. And part of it was because I wanted to look good, feel good, and be healthy. It makes me sad that Peter doesn't want those same things.

We've talked about his losing weight and he says he just can't. He tried. He does go to the gym but he also eats junk food and drinks beer and soda all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried. I've tried to accept it. I've tried to get him to lose weight and nothing is working. I don't want to leave him -- I love him. But I want to be attracted to him. I want our sex life back, but he needs to make some changes to help me with that.

What advice would you give Julia? 


*Names have been changed.

Image via jaqian/Flickr

marriage, sex confession


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Thomas Mrak

Give him a chance, be supportive.

If he doesn't want to put in the effort to take care of his health, he is probably neglecting other things.

I'd leave him if he refuse to do something since the people you spend a lot of time around affect your well-being.

nonmember avatar guest

She needs to tell him that not only is she not physically attracted to him, but is also concerned with his health and relationship with his children. If he doesn't want to do it for himself, he needs to do it for his children. And if he loves his wife and wants to continue to have sex with her, he needs to do it for her too. He doesn't have to give up all his junk food and beer, but he needs to limit it. Once he gets started for his wife and kids, he most likely will continue doing it for himself. He needs to know that if he doesn't get health and lose the belly, Julia may withdraw emotionally and intimately. She may not leave him (at least not immediately), but it will hurt their relationship severely. For some people, looks can be a deal breaker. It's easily fixable. Why not try to maintain your relationship?

nonmember avatar Me Ex-H Was Fat

She really needs to communicate with him about how this makes her feel and possibly go to counseling. My ex-husband was the same way. The fat was extremely unattractive to me, but on top of that I felt resentful that he didn't want to be healthy. He had other health issues related to the weight gain, and he just wouldn't address the weight issue despite the toll it was taking on our relationship. I ended up leaving him, because he did eventually go to counseling, but by that point I was done. Don't wait until it's too late to fix things!

SaphireH SaphireH

Wow, my husband gained about 50 lbs in the last 4 yrs and i dont love him any less nor do i find him any less attractive. Sure a small part of the time im bothered by the stomach he gained during sex but him on top never lasts long because we changed positions alot to make sex more interesting its not that big of a bother. With having 3 kids we dont have a ton of sex anyways but when we do it amazing. He also keeps up with our kids with no issues. He has no intentions of loosing it and yes his diet is awful but none of it changed his personality which is why i fell in love with him. Call me a fake or whatever but this is my truth i love him just how he is and thats what matters

nonmember avatar krelia

Everytime I hear a story like this (or vice versa with a husband losing interest in their wife). I think to myself what the person looks like. Are they model of fitness and sexy to then pass judgement on their partner rather than offer support to help them out?

Caera Caera

I think Julia needs to stop being such a self-centered, shallow bitch.

nonmember avatar crystalMP

Bwaha @caera my thoughts exactly

Rando... Randomlady

Julia needs to stop being a self-centered, shallow bitch? That's really harsh and I don't see the situation being like that at all.

Ok anyways, what she could do is maybe instead of pressuring him she can make an effort to involve the whole family in a diet. She can cook more healthy meals and even freeze some stuff so he can bring it with him for lunch at work and cut back on some of the junk food he eats. As far as sodas go, she can just buy some of those things you add to water to flavor it and it might just do it for him. It has to be a whole family effort, otherwise what's the point. He might just get angry at her for trying but if they all do it then noone feels singled out. They can even try including more family activities that involve more than sitting around a tv, like going outside for a walk or something.

Mary8S Mary8S

Maybe you can offer to change something he doesn't like about you in exchange for his losing weight.  Is there a secret sex fantasy he'd like to fulfill in exchange for 10 lbs?  Sorry to hear it's affected your marriage, but I think you should try to be honest with him and work on it... even if it means you learning to love fat.  Good luck.

youth... youthfulsoul

I think the changes that need to be made lie within you and your acceptance of this man you claim to love. God forbid you ever gain weight.

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