"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.
Can we re-gain sexual attraction after it's lost? That's what Julia* is wondering because she's been having a hard time being excited to have sex with Peter*, her husband of nine years. They have three kids and are generally happy, but Julia says that Peter has gained about 30 pounds in the last few years (maybe even more) and it's making him look sloppy. "He's fat," she says and she is is slightly repulsed by him and never wants to have sex with him. When they do, she says, it's a chore. Let hear more from Julia.
I feel like a terrible wife. I've talked to Peter about his weight but he doesn't seem to care. He eats so much junk food when he's at work and it's made him gain 30 or more pounds. He's sloppy and sweaty and smelly and I feel like he's turned into a slob version of his former self. This isn't just about sex, though it is a very big deal to me. He shouldn't be overweight for his health. We have three kids who want to run around with him.
And when he does want to have sex, I'm grossed out. It just doesn't feel intimate anymore. His huge belly is in the way and he gets really sweaty right away and it's hard for me to be in the moment and get into it. He's fat and it's distracting. What also gets to me is that he used to tease me when I was pregnant that I wouldn't be able to lose the weight I gained, but I did. Each time. And part of it was because I wanted to look good, feel good, and be healthy. It makes me sad that Peter doesn't want those same things.
We've talked about his losing weight and he says he just can't. He tried. He does go to the gym but he also eats junk food and drinks beer and soda all the time. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've tried. I've tried to accept it. I've tried to get him to lose weight and nothing is working. I don't want to leave him -- I love him. But I want to be attracted to him. I want our sex life back, but he needs to make some changes to help me with that.
What advice would you give Julia?
*Names have been changed.
Image via jaqian/Flickr
Going to baseball games
Riding bike rides in the nice weather
Playing outside after work/school
Going for walks outside