6 Dating Tips That Might Sound Crazy But Really Work

Inspiring 10

Dating can be an unappetizing stew of disappointment, frustration, and dashed hopes no matter where you do it. But it can be all of that with a dash of psychosis and the desire to never ever hear the word "date" again if you're doing it in a place like New York City. So it's no wonder that, by the time a woman or man gets to be a certain age and hasn't found "the one" yet, he or she can be "commited to dying alone" -- as a friend of mine recently put it. However, there are some success stories. A friend of mine recently got married in her 40s. The media would have us believe the odds of that are nil. But my friend followed some basic -- yet kinda crazy -- rules.

Here are six ways to not let the dating game get you down.

Never get bitter. No matter how many stories my friend told me about awful guys who dumped her for baffling reasons, or who simply disappeared one day, or who turned out to be total jerkwads, she never let it get her down. She still considered love and marriage something she could have and would have. She still smiled, still laughed, and still flirted, and still dated. She still LIKED men.

Don't let them waste your time. That said, my friend gave guys a year at most. If it didn't seem seriously like it was moving towards marriage after that, she cut them loose no matter how much she liked them or how much they promised things would get serious soon.

Each man is a new man. My friend's motto all during her dating days was, "One man doesn't deserve to be punished for what another man did." No matter how egregious a boyfriend behaved, she never for a moment held that against the next boyfriend. That means even though she was cheated on in one relationship, she still trusted the next guy.

Keep trying even if it didn't work last time. My friend had a thing for dating guys long distance. She did it over and over. And it never worked out. Yet she kept trying -- and I'm sure I'm not the only one who thought she was nutso. Yet the guy she ended up marrying lived in Italy when she met him online. She knew what she liked (foreign guys) and she wasn't going to let the fact that it hadn't worked out in the past stop her from trying that again in the future.

Never compromise yourself. My friend has had all kinds of guys try to change her over the years -- one wanted her to lose weight, one said she was "too happy," one didn't like her spiritual hippy-dippy side. But she never wavered in not changing what she liked about herself. Eventually, she found someone who loved it all. But even if she hadn't -- she still would have loved herself.

Don't feel rushed. Despite the fact that my friend was closing in on 40, she still retained an optimistic attitude about finding love and marriage. And she wasn't going to let society, her friends, or her family, rush her into settling down with someone she didn't feel right about. After each break up, she still felt like she had plenty of time. She knew it was about WHO not WHEN.

What are your tricks for finding love?

Image via Emily Rachel Hildebrand/Flickr

dating, marriage, love


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nonmember avatar MissRight

Thank you for this article. I'll be 37 this year. Never married, not dating anyone right now and it can feel hopeless at times.

nonmember avatar HS

A lot easier said than done! However, the one that I've felt the most recently is not changing myself. As I approach 30, I've been feeling more and more comfortable just being ME. It makes total sense that if a guy doesn't like YOU than it will never work. But if u just be urself and find a guy that loves u being u then life will be so much easier. However, I'm also at that point of ur one friend who said she's committed to dying alone lol!

nonmember avatar AF

Love ALL of these wonderful tips. I especially appreciate the last one, given I'm 41 and still single. But like the person highlighted in this post, I would rather be with the *right* man than with just any man just for the sake of being married.

I would love to hear how she created long distance dating opportunities because I'm definitely open to meeting someone outside of where I live, but am not sure how to make that happen.

nonmember avatar Renee

There are certainly plenty of details like that to take into consideration. That is a great point to convey up. I offer the thoughts above as basic inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you deliver up the place crucial thing shall be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around things like that, but I am sure that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Both boys and girls feel the of just a seconds pleasure, for the remainder of their lives.

nonmember avatar Darrell

The larger dilemma is, how do you get the romance back?When she reads it, she will automatically be sent into a dream where she replays the memory in which you are speaking about.Show of hands, how many males will hit the couch and fall asleep like content cats after that amazing meal?Go someplace fancy.When it comes to the card attached to it say a thing sweet.The other challenge is that all relationships are different, so every person's idea of romance is unique.But, it's not truly the large repair for continued romance, and these items don't call for any work from males.However you might be able to get some guidance from your regional connection guru also but just recognize it's a diverse sort of advice.But, as time goes by you get comfortable in the day to day routines, job stresses, children and other commitments that take up all your time.It's the thought and just that tiny effort that makes us really feel specific!Drive to exactly where the carriage is.Which would be ok and in fact really sweet.Ice skating is a romantic activity.Little text messages that would make them consider of you all day lengthy.From there you can pretty a lot take more than.If you have a fire place make positive that is lit.Some persons are just a bit "slow" when it comes to romance and romantic gestures, which can make salvaging a connection a lot harder than it should really be.

nonmember avatar Cate

Just enjoy your life, stay active, open and positive. Be yourself and stay away from negative people - don't waste your time. Volunteer work can be very rewarding, and you meet people. Mix it up, chin up and keep going!

nonmember avatar J

Totally agree with all points, except I'm not too sure about the "do something even if it's not working thing. Everything else was right on point though! I'm a 32 year old woman and while I've definitely worried about finding The One in time to have three kids, I'm not going to marry just any old schlep with a Y chromosome. I'm loving being single and dating right now and I know without a doubt that it'll happen when it's meant to be!

nonmember avatar TwentySomething

As uplifting as this was to read, your friend sounds like the exception no the rule. I actually agree with all of the tricks except for trying the same thing over and over again.

Charles Bryant

How are you responding to the conflict between "Merry Christmas" and "Happy holiday"?

nonmember avatar Rosamelia

I don't see what's so great about getting married in the first place. Not being married doesn't mean being lonely (and the opposite is painfully true also; many times people get married but each are on their own). That said, I must agree your "friend" took the right steps; she must have a hell of a personality not to feel down over being rejected so many times though.

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