Ever since the Oscars ran a few weeks ago, I've heard nothing but criticism for Ben Affleck's now infamous comment about his marriage during his speech.
"It's good. It is work, but it's the best kind of work. And there's no one I'd rather work with."
Seriously? We're getting upset with that? And we wonder why there are so many marital problems in this country.
I've been quite open and honest about the hard work happening in my own marriage every week in my "Staying Married With Kids" column and have gotten my fair share of criticism. And I'll be honest: I don't really get it.
We grow up with this "happily ever after" nonsense drilled into our heads thanks to fairy tales and societal norms that tell us that we must grow up, and get a job, and get married. And if we don't, we're a failure.
So many of us do that. We do exactly what we're supposed to do. But no one prepares us for how hard marriage can be. And how extra hard marriage with kids can be.
If you're sitting here reading this thinking, "I have no clue what she's talking about," then consider yourself lucky. Or completely ignorant.
Because I think most people, or at least most married people with kids, would say exactly what Ben Affleck said to Jennifer Garner.
And quite frankly, I wish more people WOULD HAVE said that, and would say that now. For some reason, we feel obligated to make it seem like everything is okay from the outside. That it's all cupcakes and roses, which, hey, if it is, more power to you, but if it's not, 'fess up. Be honest. For yourself and for your kids.
I believe wholeheartedly that we need to be honest with our children when it comes to relationships, so that when they grow up and get married and have a hard time (like most of us), they understand that it's normal. And they are not failures if they need counseling or it doesn't work out.
And, better, that they know what to look for in a mate and they understand what they're getting into when they do find someone.
So, Ben Affleck, don't listen to all the haters, the people who would have you think that your speech was somehow inappropriate.
There are many of us who appreciate your candor and your honesty. And agree with you 110 percent.
Do you think marriage is hard work?
Image via Getty Images/Kevin Winter
Ashley Is a Widow Who Stays Strong...
This Hot Dad Wants to Vacuum Your Rug
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
KStew Refuses to Shower
Comments 9
I totally agree that marriage can be hard. It's a job sometimes that you have to work at, a skill to perfect that will has ebbs and flows. Just like the vows say- through good times and bad. I think those of us who talk about how hard it is aren't quitters and those mocking the people who are happy are just a sad lot.
And as for the whole thing about doing this for money- what have women's magazines been doing for the last 50 or so years? Exactly- using personal experiences from their writers and people interviewed for articles in those magazines to talk about private experiences like marriage. Ugh. We write about these matters to relate, help others and find mutual ground. Writing is a job no matter what the subject. Are marriage counselors exploiting those who go to them because they receive payment for the counseling sessions?!