Your Sex Life Could Suffer If You're Married to Your Soul Mate

When we think of soul mates, we think of people like, say, the Twilight characters Bella and Edward. They spend every moment together, they never argue, they have the same interests, ideas, views ... everything. And, of course, they have explosive sex, no matter how many times they have it. But one sex expert says the idea that the best sex is with your soul mate is all wrong. Perhaps that's why Bella and Edward aren't real.

Sexpert Tracey Cox writes in the Daily Mail that:

The couples who have the closest, soul-mate connection and the best relationships often have the worst sex lives. Why? Because the same achingly wonderful intimacy that makes us yearn to merge as "one" obliterates desire by completely neutralizing sexual chemistry.

I have to agree. There is something about having a wonderful relationship that is close, supportive, healthy, communicative, etc., that makes the sex life, well, kind of meh. It's almost as if you've already fulfilled your desire to "merge as one" emotionally and mentally, so there's no real driving need to do it physically too.

Some of my friends have admitted that the best sex they've ever had was actually with guys they didn't like at all. I think most of us have had that hot, sexually-exciting and perfectly awful relaitonship. As Tracey puts it:

Your heart might soar when you hear your partner describe you as their best friend, but it can be the kiss of death for your sex life.

But what to do about it? Sex with your non-soul mate might be hot, but who wants to marry a guy you have great sex with but otherwise don't want to be around? Tracey suggests not insisting on "fusing" to the point where you are one person. Couples should give each other space so that each person is an individual with their own likes, dislikes, views, and interests. In fact, there should be a certain amount of "anxiety" and challenge in the relationship.

Sounds good, but easier said than done. Sometimes sex isn't the most important thing. If you've got a solid relationship with someone you trust, respect, and whom you do everything with, I'm not sure there's a need to inject some challenge and anxiety into things just for more sex. But maybe that's me.

Do you have great sex with your soul mate?

Image via Tanjila/Flickr

commitment, sex, sex drive


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

tbruc... tbrucemom

First of all, there's no such thing as soulmates.  However, I understand what they're saying.  Sex with my first husband was very loving and emotional, but not particularly sexually gratifying. Sex with my fiance, who I was not in love with when we first became sexual, is very sexually satisfying.  Don't get me wrong we love each other now and express it afterwards and when we're not in the bedroom, but sexy time is all about doing the deed.

MammaSam MammaSam

If you feel satisfied without having sex, what is wrong with that? My partner ans I love having sex, but its the intimacy, not the physical feelings we enjoy the most. We have more fun playing around with each other than we do actually "getting off". We do still have needs we have to contend with every so often, but on th most part we don't need sex. And we are bot thtlat. Besides having babies, really we would be happier I'd we didn't have toactually have sex.

MammaSam MammaSam

We are both ok with that. *

nonmember avatar CityKitty

Totally disagree. My husband & I have been best friends since age 3, finally got married 33 yrs later after both of us had failed marriages on our own and our sex life is amazing. Totally disagree with this article. But guess I'm just lucky that way.

MammaSam MammaSam

I can't explain that very well, it sounds bad. we so enjoy one another, we just would prefer if we didn't HAVE to have sex to appease our bodies needs. If that makes sense.

the4m... the4mutts

I see the point on that. I disagree for ME, but it totaly makes sense that this could happen

Unyk07 Unyk07

I disagree! Hubby & I have amazing sex! We are best friends & we consider each other soulmates! I've known him since elementary... We dated for 2 & a half yrs. & we've been married for 5 yrs. If you say soulmates don't exist, you probably haven't found yours :))

nonmember avatar Ipso Factoid

If you don't believe in soulmates, maybe it's because you're the one lacking a soul.

There's no such thing as sex, between soulmates. That's what the term "making love" is reserved for.

nonmember avatar Joshua

I may refer tha i meet my soul mate, we are xtremely compatible, we not argue, same tastes, hobbies, character,joys and fantasies thats why we have an amazing sex (we love kinky sex) we enjoy ourselfs in ways that we never had before. You can meet your soulmate and have fantastic sex.

nonmember avatar melmcl

I agree with a lot of these ladies - my hubby and I are best friends, compatible and we have the best sex! Sex with a connected partner should become better with time. He knows my buttons, I know his and we're comfortable with each other. It should get better with time, not worse.

1-10 of 14 comments 12 Last