When we think of soul mates, we think of people like, say, the Twilight characters Bella and Edward. They spend every moment together, they never argue, they have the same interests, ideas, views ... everything. And, of course, they have explosive sex, no matter how many times they have it. But one sex expert says the idea that the best sex is with your soul mate is all wrong. Perhaps that's why Bella and Edward aren't real.
Sexpert Tracey Cox writes in the Daily Mail that:
The couples who have the closest, soul-mate connection and the best relationships often have the worst sex lives. Why? Because the same achingly wonderful intimacy that makes us yearn to merge as "one" obliterates desire by completely neutralizing sexual chemistry.
I have to agree. There is something about having a wonderful relationship that is close, supportive, healthy, communicative, etc., that makes the sex life, well, kind of meh. It's almost as if you've already fulfilled your desire to "merge as one" emotionally and mentally, so there's no real driving need to do it physically too.
Some of my friends have admitted that the best sex they've ever had was actually with guys they didn't like at all. I think most of us have had that hot, sexually-exciting and perfectly awful relaitonship. As Tracey puts it:
Your heart might soar when you hear your partner describe you as their best friend, but it can be the kiss of death for your sex life.
But what to do about it? Sex with your non-soul mate might be hot, but who wants to marry a guy you have great sex with but otherwise don't want to be around? Tracey suggests not insisting on "fusing" to the point where you are one person. Couples should give each other space so that each person is an individual with their own likes, dislikes, views, and interests. In fact, there should be a certain amount of "anxiety" and challenge in the relationship.
Sounds good, but easier said than done. Sometimes sex isn't the most important thing. If you've got a solid relationship with someone you trust, respect, and whom you do everything with, I'm not sure there's a need to inject some challenge and anxiety into things just for more sex. But maybe that's me.
Do you have great sex with your soul mate?
Image via Tanjila/Flickr
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