Fear of being alone is one of the main reasons people make awful decisions about relationships. Believe me, I know. After a 10-year relationship ended, I felt like I'd forgotten how to be alone. I wasn't scared of it exactly -- but I didn't know what to do with it. It made me anxious and gave me the creepy-crawlies (emotionally). So I spent more time than I care to rehash here being around pretty much anyone who would have me. Which just led to more angsty creepy-crawlies. So I think I can see what's driving some of Taylor Swift's serial dating ... she's told InStyle UK that her big fear is ending up alone.
It's not unusual for a young woman to date a lot -- but I was surprised when Taylor went straight from Conor Kennedy, which seemed kind of serious (she did buy a house near his family's house), to Harry Styles. And the reason for her man-hopping might be more than just looking for the next big hit song. Apparently she's scared of ending up alone "in a marble bathtub." Hey, Taylor, it could be worse. You could end up alone in a sewer. She told the mag:
My fears circle around me making the wrong choices and messing this up for myself. I don’t wanna end up being awful and intolerable. Alone. Laying in a marble bathtub by myself, like sad, with a glass of wine just complaining that my life ended up alone ... That’s my fear. And that’s why I live my life the way I live my life because I’d so much rather feel everything than end up like that.
But Taylor has nothing to fear. There is nothing more alone than being with the wrong person. In fact, I've learned to love being alone. I also love being with people. But being alone gives me time to really do things just for me -- whether it's yoga, working out, reading, writing, meditating, or just thinking. In fact, I wonder how people who never have time alone even know themselves at all.
The fact of the matter is, the worst person you can be "awful and intolerable" to is yourself. Fear of being alone can make you do terrible things -- everything from try to control everyone around you (thus making you awful and intolerable) to putting up with things you shouldn't to being with people who make you miserable. There are far worse fates than being alone. In fact, being alone, and being happy, is one of the best things that can happen in this life.
As philosopher Blaise Pascal put it, "All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone."
Do you fear being alone?
Image via InStyleUK