Sex Confession: Wife Upset That Husband Talks About How Hot Other Women Are

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woman walking"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

Some couples have a very open relationship where they can tell each other anything -- and by anything I mean everything. It's great to have good communication -- necessary even. But what if that communication includes inappropriate thoughts about other people? Tara* is a 20-something new mom who has been married to Tim* for six years. They have a solid relationship, Tara says, but Tim says things sometimes that are really starting to bother her. Tim seems obsessed with commenting on the looks of other women, even Tara's friends, and it's making her feel inadequate. Let's let Tara explain.

I feel silly about this because talking about how hot other people are has always been something Tim and I did. Mostly about women, and I would join in, too. We'd joke and say if we ever had a threesome, or if I was ever to be with a girl, we'd love to be with so-and-so. It was all fun and games until it wasn't anymore ... for me. I stopped doing it but I'm not sure Tim has realized that I'm not happily participating in our little fantasy talk anymore. He goes on and on about how hot my friend is, how she has perfect boobs, how he'd love to see us kissing -- all things we used to do but I've changed. I'm over this.

He does it with strangers, too. The waitress. The girl at the grocery store. Always whispering something about their looks in my ear thinking it's a turn-on or a joke or something I'm still into. I just nod and say nothing. It makes me sad he hasn't noticed I'm not responding like I used to. And all this with our newborn daughter right there. It also makes me feel like he doesn't think I'm attractive anymore -- that he needs to talk about these other women because he's no longer turned on by how I look.

I know I'm hormonal from the pregnancy and being a new mom, but I still wish he'd take my feelings into consideration without me having to tell him. I know I should just tell him, but I don't want there to be an argument. And one of the things we said when we were trying to have a baby is that we don't want it to change us. We saw change as a bad thing. But I see now that it's not. I love this change -- we change every day and that's a good thing. I just don't know what to do.

Do you think Tara should talk to Tim? What advice would you give her?


*Names have been changed.

Image via Public Domain Photos/Flickr

marriage, sex confession


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nonmember avatar Chelsea

I literally laughed out loud when I read this. Really? You expect him to just...figure it out? I'm sorry but no. Grow a pair and speak up.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

Be honest with your husband. Tell him you're just not into that anymore and that he's allowed to think other women are good looking (I'm sure you do it with men too), but tell him you'd appreciate it if he just kept it to himself. Or you could say that having your daughter has helped you see your relationship in a new light.

Aeris... AerisKate

I agree with the others - you definitely need to talk to him about it. 

2nino... 2ninos4me

speak up or suck it up . he is not a mind reader

xreds... xredstarsx

I could have written this except I have told mine. It didn't change anything. It really sucks knowing he is going to work with his sexy co worker. Men suck!

eupeptic eupeptic

A couple thoughts I have are that you were secure about how you looked in the past and now you've become insecure about your looks. Now, instead of focusing on changing your own attitude about yourself so as to improve the amount of confidence that you have about your body you are blaming your husband. You can make him stop commenting on how other women look but first you should ask yourself if that will change how you feel about yourself (feeling insecure about your looks... and that won't change for the better as you age unless you change your attitude), or will that simply enable you to more easily ignore your own issues that are causing you to feel insecure about your looks? Wouldn't you prefer to be confident in who you no matter what rather than dependant on judgments made by others in order to feel good about yourself? (If you prefer the latter than you are making yourself a slave to others. If you want to be happy in life don't become a slave to others. Become independent of the judgments of others. You are unique, beautiful, and worthy of love no matter what others think of you. Know this, and always remember this!)

And do share your thoughts about how attractive you feel with your husband, but try not to tell him what to do or not do because he is not the one causing you to feel the way you feel. You are choosing to feel the way you feel by placing a high value on looks and by taking his opinions personally. You don't need to put yourself through such grief.

maf_225 maf_225

I personally think there is a bigger problem than him making jokes about other females. She isn't comfortable talking to her husband about something that upsets he is you husband nothing should be off limits and there should be no fear. The only time I get the whole oh crap I can't tell him is just before he sees the credit card bill...

easun... easunshine

Men can't read our minds. No amount of our wishing for this to happen has changed the fact that they cannot. Talk to him. Even if there's an argument.

Rosas... RosasMummy

He can't read your mind! You need to tell him

nonmember avatar ThatGirl

Good grief. This woman is going to be raising a kid and she doesn't even have the guts to tell her husband what she does and doesn't like. That ought to be a fun ride. Even more fun is trying to live with one of those women who act resentful and pissy because you just couldn't telepathically figure out that she no longer enjoys the same things she used to. personally, I think the whole 'we need to tell each other every single thought that enters our minds' mantra is overrated. Some thoughts are fine to be kept in your head, especially if it involves wanting to fuck one of your spouse's friends, or thinking that another woman is prettier than your wife. Really? How is my relationship supposed to be better with my husband because I know that he fantasizes about my best friend? It's can have a very close relationship and still have some private thoughts. Even Siamese twins can have their own private thoughts, so can you.

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