"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.
Some couples have a very open relationship where they can tell each other anything -- and by anything I mean everything. It's great to have good communication -- necessary even. But what if that communication includes inappropriate thoughts about other people? Tara* is a 20-something new mom who has been married to Tim* for six years. They have a solid relationship, Tara says, but Tim says things sometimes that are really starting to bother her. Tim seems obsessed with commenting on the looks of other women, even Tara's friends, and it's making her feel inadequate. Let's let Tara explain.
I feel silly about this because talking about how hot other people are has always been something Tim and I did. Mostly about women, and I would join in, too. We'd joke and say if we ever had a threesome, or if I was ever to be with a girl, we'd love to be with so-and-so. It was all fun and games until it wasn't anymore ... for me. I stopped doing it but I'm not sure Tim has realized that I'm not happily participating in our little fantasy talk anymore. He goes on and on about how hot my friend is, how she has perfect boobs, how he'd love to see us kissing -- all things we used to do but I've changed. I'm over this.
He does it with strangers, too. The waitress. The girl at the grocery store. Always whispering something about their looks in my ear thinking it's a turn-on or a joke or something I'm still into. I just nod and say nothing. It makes me sad he hasn't noticed I'm not responding like I used to. And all this with our newborn daughter right there. It also makes me feel like he doesn't think I'm attractive anymore -- that he needs to talk about these other women because he's no longer turned on by how I look.
I know I'm hormonal from the pregnancy and being a new mom, but I still wish he'd take my feelings into consideration without me having to tell him. I know I should just tell him, but I don't want there to be an argument. And one of the things we said when we were trying to have a baby is that we don't want it to change us. We saw change as a bad thing. But I see now that it's not. I love this change -- we change every day and that's a good thing. I just don't know what to do.
Do you think Tara should talk to Tim? What advice would you give her?
*Names have been changed.
Image via Public Domain Photos/Flickr