'School' That Teaches Wives How to Be Mistresses Gets an F

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I tell you what, women have it tough these days. First, a woman is supposed to be such an incredible girlfriend that she finally wrangles a dude into marrying her. Then she has children and has to be the best mom ever or every other woman who has ever pushed a child out of her loins tells her everything she's doing wrong. Plus, she's supposed to work -- and not just any work, mind you, it should be something deeply fulfilling. And she shouldn't expect the guy to support her or she's a gold digger or lazy. Oh, and she should do the vast majority of the cooking and cleaning and child caring. But just when you think it's ALL done and you've finally managed to do and be everything, someone comes along and tells you're still not doing ENOUGH. Because, ladies, you need to be your man's MISTRESS as well as his wife! Le sigh.

Sarah Symonds, who is famous for being the mistress of chef Gordon Ramsey and a bunch of other men, has opened a "Wife School" for women who want to keep their husbands faithful. Yes, a woman who has wrecked or nearly wrecked many a marriage wants to tell you how to keep yours intact. Uhhkay.

Sarah told the Daily Mail:

It’s all about 'the skills.' I call it the ESF rule: Men need to Eat, Sleep, and Fornicate. Give them those in abundance and you might just get a monogamous husband.

Think you could ever ask your husband to change a diaper or take out the garbage? Think again, silly fool! Cook him a nice meal, let him take a nap, and then screw his brains out. Had a long day of work and childcare and are too tired to give your man a lap dance? Hey, you don't want your man messing around on you, do ya?!

She continues:

Marriage should be likened to a high powered job, once you land that job you know you need to show up daily, put a huge amount of effort into your role in order to keep it -- and prosper within it -- otherwise there is always the risk that someone may come along and take it from you.

You need to treat your marriage like a job, ladies. Not your man. He just gets to eat, sleep, and fornicate. So after you've become your man's wife, mother of his children, and then his mistress, what next? His dog? His houseplant?

Hey, I've got an idea. It's called "Husband School." It teaches men to grow up and stop acting like babies. It teaches men that marriage is about compromise, maturity, and sticking through the tough times. It teaches them that marriage means not cheating. It teaches them that there's more to life than sex -- like having someone there to support you through life's inevitable travails, and eventually its pain, sickness, and death.

Haha. Yeah, I know. No guy would ever enroll!

Would you go to Sarah's Wife School?


Image via minds-eye/Flickr

marriage, love


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BlueJane BlueJane

I don't know how I feel about her "school" but I've watched her show "The Mistress" and I appreciate her support in getting women out of these relationships.

JoeyN... JoeyNicole

I assume Sarah knows so much about being a wife because she's famous for been the sideline whore. If she knew so much, she would be a wife not a mistress.

Todd Vrancic

I'm pretty sure her "wife school" would not accept me.

ruby_... ruby_jewel_04

She sounds like a delusional witch.

JessL... JessLogansMommy

OK, so maybe she's not the best example to be setting for "Wife School" but a lot of women out there could benefit from something like this.  There are too many women who are comfortable to just pull off their granny panties and lie back twice a month and feel that they've done their "wifely duties."  

If you aren't your husbands fantasy then he's going to have another one.  Not saying he's going to cheat, he's just not going to be thinking about you during his morning shower. 

redK8... redK8blueSt8

Am I missing something? I think the authors reaction is full of condescending hostility.

The quotes she uses to belittle the concept is rediculously responded to with negative assumtions. Men need food, sleep, and fornication. Much like women do. And as a wife, lovingly providing those three also gets you those three, and in no way what-so-ever implies the man won't change a diaper or take out the trash, or that the wife shouldn't/can't ask him to!

As for the second quote, uhm, hell yeah! You don't get married and then slack off in the stuff you did pre-marriage. I think far too many women think that once they get married that they can treat their husband however good or bad their mood dictates and he's just supposed to shut up and take it because he liked it and put a ring on it. Not!

I really do not understand the hostility and offense at the idea that a wife should be giving to her husband.

CPN322 CPN322

I have no respect for women like her and therefore could not learn a damn thing from her. I also would NOT want her to benefit financially in any way from her being the kind of person she is and thats exactly what is happening when people enroll in her class.

Bruic... Bruickson

If someone feels like they have to do these things and be perfect to keep their man from cheating then they are probably with the wrong man. I'm all for keeping the spark alive in my marriage but sometimes I would like to just eat, sleep and fornicate too. Marriage is a two way street and I think this "wife school" is putting all the responsibility on the woman. I did not get married to cater to my husband. I love doing nice things for my husband and making him happy but I sure as hell expect the same from him in return.

Mandy Swanda

And, what exactly is thehusband in your scenario responsible for?  Maybe if he looked at his relationship as more of a partnership he would be doing things to keep his wife in the mood.  
I never understand this line of thinking.  Like, why should a woman have to perform a duty?  Shouldn't the husband be working to romance his lady?  If he was, the wife in your scenario wouldn't just lay back to fulfill her *duties* she would be more than happy to take a romp in the marital bed. 

jkm89 jkm89

No school necessary. It is not hard to keep a man happy, I repeat, NOT HARD! I don't get the confusion. The only women who have unhappy husbands are women who aren't trying (unless he has unresolved mental issues or something, then there's not a lot you personally can do). This isn't rocket science.

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