Your Husband's Naughty Online Habits Are Not Cheating -- Get Over It!

Love & Learn 66

online pornOnline porn is one of the sad realities of most marriages. I am sure there are many men out there who don't look at online porn. But they are probably dead. The vast majority of others have and will utilize the service again and again.

It's not cheating. But many women hate it. A woman I know actually left her husband for a time. From her anger, I assumed he must have been looking at child porn or something equally shocking and horrifying. "Nope," she told me. "It was just boobs." Just boobs, eh? And why is that so bad?

One CafeMom reader said that her husband's porn habit is really harming her marriage. Her case is unique because she is a new mom, but a lot of others weighed in as well. Many said porn is no big deal, but others said he is an addict! He must be stopped!

I say, they need to chill out. I get it. Pornography can be really annoying. I will say I minded my husband looking at it a lot less a few years ago when I felt confident about my body and looks. Now, I have less self-esteem in that department and it makes me paranoid that he finds other women more attractive than me.

But I still get it.

Honestly, there are a lot of times I don't feel like having sex with someone besides myself, too. I have my own likes and dislikes and I use porn as well. I just use a different kind. Men are visual. Women are more auditory. I will read erotica and get the same effect. So wouldn't I be a hypocrite to complain?

It's not that porn is never a problem. If a child sees it or your husband can't seem to stop or you are going for long stretches with no sex and he is constantly looking at porn, then yes, by all means, be angry. Have a chat with him. Go into counseling. There are porn addictions and people with serious issues in that department.

But the average man, looking at a few nude photos or videos a day isn't an addict. If it really bothers you, ask to be included. Ask him to show you what it is he likes and try to tap into what about it turns him on. If you listen, you might learn from his porn and make your relationship even better.

Does it bother you when you husband looks at porn?


Image via ericnvntr/Flickr


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peanu... peanutsmommy1

I find porn disrespectful to me and to our marriage. I don't ask that anyone else understand my feelings, but I also ask that other people don't tell me what is "normal" for me and my relationship

the4m... the4mutts

I have no problem with normal porn viewing by men, as long as I dont have to see it. It turns me off.

But you telling other women to get over it, and basically telling them how their marriage should work? Get off your soapbox.

B1Bomber B1Bomber

If a woman is sincerely bothered by her husband viewing porn, he should stop out of respect for her.  The basis of marriage is putting your spouse ahead of of yourself, and his alone habits are clearly not doing that.

nonmember avatar Angie

Whether or not it's destructive to your marriage depends so much upon what kind of agreements you've made about it prior to getting married. It is expressly off limits, no questions about it, in my marriage, so yes, it would be very destructive.

nonmember avatar crystalmp

I agree with peanutsmommy1. To each their own but as for my relationship thats a no go

Zenia6 Zenia6

I am perfectly fine with watching porn with my husband, but if he felt the need to watch it "daily" & without me, no matter anyone else's opinion on the subject, I would be pissed. No one else gets to decide what is acceptable in my marriage.

Gypsy... Gypsyqueen4life

I'm not picking on anyone, but too many women have rules about what their men can or can't do & what is disrespectful. You get bent if a man views porn, playboy, sports illustrated, etc but you can fantasize about these love stories & actors (The Notebook, Channing Tatum, etc)? It's VERY similar! There is a difference between it being obsessive viewing of porn & just normal, healthy "alone time". I do not consider porn cheating, or for that matter going to strip clubs. The majority of men & yes, WOMEN "look"  or fantasize on occasion & It's not like they are physically or emotional attached to either, it is an outlet that is honestly quite normal. It becomes a different situation if they are going out & picking up women or connecting with strangers online or planning rendezvous & trysts & outwardly cheating. If they aren't cheating & if you have a healthy sexual relationship with each other, pick your battle ladies. Looking isn't what kills relationships, it takes a whole lot more to disrespect or destroy something that should be stronger than that.

randh... randhferedinos

I expect better from my spouse than that, maybe it's just me. But I know my job is to do my best to look good and give him attention. If he's going online to fulfill himself, there are multiple problems there. Also we are Christians and both agree that the mind is capable of leading us astray. "If any man (woman) looks at another lustfully, they have already committed adultery in their mind"

LostS... LostSoul88

I think porn is disrectful to the wife. 

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