Sex Confession: I'm Fine With Having Sex Just a Few Times a Year

Love & Learn 28

shadow couple"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

There are some people who want to have sex every single day. And I think many would actually do so if there were more than 24 hours in a day without over eight of them spent working and hopefully at least seven of them sleeping. But some would rather have sex be just an occasional thing. Like Julia, a 20-something married mom of one, who admits she thinks sex is highly overrated. She thinks sex is too fussy, too complicated, and should be reserved for very special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays. If you don't have it all the time, it's better and more exciting when you do, she says. I'll let her explain.

I've never been a very sexual kind of person. Though I will say I've had plenty of sex, probably too much back in my younger years before I met my husband. When Joe* and I got together, we would have sex a lot, like most couples do when it's new. But then as time went on, the sex became less and less, and we were both completely fine with it. We've talked about it and both really like having sex a few times a year, mostly on special occasions. We still kiss, we even "make out" and cuddle and hold hands and all that kind of stuff. We both masturbate on our own, though I only have those urges about once a month. But when it comes to having sex, we like to do it on our anniversary, birthdays, and sometimes another special moment during the year depending on the circumstances.

We are still an intimate couple, we are in love, are extremely blessed parents to a sweet little boy, and it works for us.

I often feel a little odd when friends tell me how they want to have sex with their husbands more. I feel like I can't tell them that my husband and I don't -- that we prefer our few times a year sex, but I don't want people to be judgemental or think something is wrong with us. We are happy. There are no extramaritial things going on. It just works for us like this. And ... when we do have sex ... it's incredible because it's not something we have all the time, so it's like it's new.

What do you think of this confession? Do you have sex more than a few times a year?


*Names have been changed.

Image via Bubble Fishh/Flickr

marriage, sex confession, sex


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nonmember avatar Michelle

It's funny how our society thinks this is "odd" first child absolutely destroyed my sex drive, and while I know my husband wants more, he has been a patient saint. As long as you are both fine with it, fuck the naysayers!

Vegeta Vegeta

Most Japanese people only do it like 5 times a year. It's just not a high priority. In America it's so over-sensationalized that people think they have to do it a lot to be normal.

nonmember avatar Saoirse

Wow... I am not sure what to say. That seems like a fine mechanical approach, but not healthy. Kind of like they gave up on the intimacy, regardless if they hold hands, kiss, or not. If it works for them, then it works. But I would be concerned if that was they case in my life and know there was someone else involved in our marraige.

Flori... Floridamom96

As long as it works for both partners that's all that matters. It really isn't anyone elses business.

zandh... zandhmom2

We have sex a lot more than a couple of times a year but if this work for both her and her husband then it's fine.  Who's to say what the right number of times is.


tbruc... tbrucemom

If they both are ok with it, then who cares.  I think it's a little odd and can't help but wonder if there's something else going on especially since they also masturbate. I personally like a happy median between everyday and only on special occasions!

nonmember avatar Common.Sense

Yeah, she THINKS he's okay with sex a few times a year. I'm sure the other women he's with are doing a great job of doing what his wife won't. Don't be fooled, people, this is the price of monogamy. If you don't attend to EVERY SEXUAL NEED of your partner's, they WILL seek satisfaction elsewhere, and they WILL be justified in doing so. If sex is unimportant to you, then let your partner do this "unimportant" thing with somebody else with your blessing (because they will do it regardless!).

curly... curlygirl31

This womans husband i think is lying to her about being okay with this. I have never heard of a man being okay only having sex a few times a year. Maybe an elderly man but not one who is young in their 20s or 30s and they only have one child not many. This just seems strange to me.

nonmember avatar blue

Actually, it's a myth that men have through the roof sex drives. Many men have very low sex drives. If they are happy and it works for them, fine. There is NO "rule" when it comes to this.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

If it works for this couple, then good for them. Although I do agree with some of the other commenters that the husband could be lying about being ok with this. Personally, this would not work for me. My boyfriend is going to be in Europe until April (he left in January) and I'm already wound so tight from lack of sex, so I couldn't imagine anyone voluntarily abstaining except for a few times a year.

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