Marriages Don't End Over Just 'One' Thing Even When It Seems Like It

Love & Sex 22

What's the straw that's breaking your marriage's back?As you might be able to read from my past "Staying Married With Kids" columns, I'm really trying quite hard to fix my past wrongs and work on moving forward in my marriage, not just for the sake of my kids' happiness, but my own as well. 

But I have to be honest and say that my husband isn't pulling his weight, which wouldn't be such a huge issue if he was apologetic or even warm toward me.

That's not the case, however, and so I'm sitting here wondering how long you keep trying before you give up hope.

Let me be clear: Neither one of us is perfect and we've made our fair share of mistakes. But I'm really doing what I can to make things work, which for me means no crazy fights in front of the kids, talking about what's bothering me without attacking him, and doing my best to be thankful for everything he does.

I'm not going to lie. It's exhausting to have to think about this all the time, especially when you don't feel like you're really getting very much in return.

But I'm really dedicated to making positive change. Or, at least I was.

And while there's no real major fights and we both sort of just do our thing and everything is copacetic, it's not necessarily better or happier. It's just not what it was before.

And then just last night, he did something that showed he really hasn't changed his ways. Nothing that might be seen as a deal breaker for most people, but in our relationship it absolutely is, because it's something that he keeps doing over and over again, something I've told him he just can't do because it dramatically affects my already stressful daily existence as a sometimes solo full-time working parent of four kids.

The worst part is that instead of understanding why it's a problem, he has no idea why it would be such a problem. So I end up looking like a lunatic or, in this case, a really mean parent, for putting my foot down.

Well trust me. I've let a lot of stuff slide. I've compromised more than I wish I had. But at what point do you get to say, "If this happens, I'm done"?

I'm coming to learn that the straw that breaks the camel's back isn't necessarily the biggest or the worst. It's the one that keeps coming back time and after time with no realization of its potential damage.

What are the deal breakers in your relationship?

 

Image via xikita/Flickr

marriage, divorce