Marrying a Guy Whose Family Is Just Like Yours Means Double the Drama

Love & Learn 8

mother interferring with coupleAs someone in love with love for the majority of my life, I wasn't exactly discriminating about the background the men I dated came from ... until I started thinking in terms of marriage. What kind of man would "get" my assertive, often boisterous, food-obsessed, theatrical, extremely opinionated family? (Wouldn't blame you if that description drums up a flash to scenes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding ... My fam's kinda like that, except small and Eastern-European/Jewish.) That's when I set my sights on finding a guy who had relatives who were -- at least in their own way -- similar to mine. That way, he wouldn't feel like a total fish out of water when contending with my family, right?

Well, I found that guy in my future husband. And yes, he can totally empathize with my family's drama. But his ability to have that kind of empathy means that sometimes, we're dealing with double the drama.

Which leads me to the question -- is it better to be with someone whose family is a lot like yours? Or does it just mean you're doubly stressed and taxed by the same behaviors you've grown up around and felt suffocated by? I have to admit lately, in the midst of the joy that is planning a wedding, I've been feeling the truth lies somewhere inbetween ...

Maybe it's that coming from the same kind of background makes it easier to understand one another for the most part ... but the price you pay for that is that yup, it can also make your life occasionally harder. Then again, by the time you're old enough to be in a serious relationship or married, perhaps you're already so adept at handling/ignoring/manipulating an upsetting family situation that you're a pro even dealing even when they're coming at you from all sides!

But more importantly, I feel like all couples have to learn how to cope with outside forces as a team. To present a united front. And that's something you can and must do, regardless of whether your families have way too much in common or are seemingly from totally different planets.

Is your family's background just like your partner's? Do you think it makes things more or less stressful?

 

marriage, love

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Alexa... AlexaAdams

I married a man with a drastically different upbringing and family. It puts major rifts between us because we don't agree on a lot because we weren't raised to feel the same. I don't get along with most of his family and they dislike me. If I could change anything about my husband it would be for his family to be more like mine.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

Hell no! My family is extremely relaxed, easy-going, and low key. My boyfriend's family on the other hand (his mother and maternal grandmother) are batshit crazy! His mother is a control freak and is overall just not a nice person. I couldn't believe some of the things that have come out of her mouth. I've been with my boyfriend for years, and his mother honestly still makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I'm convinced his grandmother has good intentions, but she is completely overbearing and is just exhausting to deal with. She's a sweet lady who genuinely cares, but she can be a little much sometimes. This has led to my boyfriend wanting to spend for time with my family, but me being hesitant and reluctant to spend time with this family. Honestly, I am ok with this arrangement. Spares me a headache.

nonmember avatar Cici

Our families are as different as night and day. I come from a loud sometimes obnoxious lower-middle class traditional Hispanic family. He comes from a wealthy, upper class formal, caucasian family. Fortunately everyone gets along, and we love each others family. I have to admit at times I envy his upbringing as I would have loved a more stable living environment where money wasn't an issue and he in turn envys the close familial bond and open relationship I had with my parents. I feel like those differences help us learn from each other and so far we've been able to agree on how we would like to raise our children based on our upbringing and families (almost) 100%.

jalaz77 jalaz77

Our are way different. It does make it more stressful as his mom is passive aggressive, disorganized, lacks drive and kind of pathetic. Thank god my hubby has a spine and balls so he puts her in her place when needed. Yes his family DRIVES ME NUTS. I try to remember she raised him but he was clearly like his dad. His dad passed before we got together. I am actually shocked at how different him and his mother are.

zonie... zoniechick

Our families are on total sides of the spectrum. My family is more easy going accepting of everyone and not harsh or judgemental. His family is the opposite, uptight, ultra conservative and all about appearances. I grew up in the city, while they are small town people. It has caused issues, in fact I have pretty much written his parents off all together b/c of the judgemental, holier than thou attitudes.

nonmember avatar Jessica Lynn

My husband has that "perfect" American family. His father is a contractor, owning his own construction company. His mom has always been a stay at home mom. There's two kids, a girl then a not, six years and ten days apart. My family...eh.... My father was always a drunk, I'm the product of my father cheating on his wife, the mother if four of my siblings. My mother had three with three. It's just a mess come Christmas with ten grandkids, eleven kids (spouces, his wife's children and spouces). Oddly, he completely understands my family and can deal with them almost better than I can.

the4m... the4mutts

Our families are 100% different from eachother. But I would think if mine, were like his, my life would be sooo much more enriched!

The extra drama would only apply if your family is dramatic to begin with. His family is not. So if mine were like that, we would have 2 incredibly beautiful extended families.

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