As someone in love with love for the majority of my life, I wasn't exactly discriminating about the background the men I dated came from ... until I started thinking in terms of marriage. What kind of man would "get" my assertive, often boisterous, food-obsessed, theatrical, extremely opinionated family? (Wouldn't blame you if that description drums up a flash to scenes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding ... My fam's kinda like that, except small and Eastern-European/Jewish.) That's when I set my sights on finding a guy who had relatives who were -- at least in their own way -- similar to mine. That way, he wouldn't feel like a total fish out of water when contending with my family, right?
Well, I found that guy in my future husband. And yes, he can totally empathize with my family's drama. But his ability to have that kind of empathy means that sometimes, we're dealing with double the drama.
Which leads me to the question -- is it better to be with someone whose family is a lot like yours? Or does it just mean you're doubly stressed and taxed by the same behaviors you've grown up around and felt suffocated by? I have to admit lately, in the midst of the joy that is planning a wedding, I've been feeling the truth lies somewhere inbetween ...
Maybe it's that coming from the same kind of background makes it easier to understand one another for the most part ... but the price you pay for that is that yup, it can also make your life occasionally harder. Then again, by the time you're old enough to be in a serious relationship or married, perhaps you're already so adept at handling/ignoring/manipulating an upsetting family situation that you're a pro even dealing even when they're coming at you from all sides!
But more importantly, I feel like all couples have to learn how to cope with outside forces as a team. To present a united front. And that's something you can and must do, regardless of whether your families have way too much in common or are seemingly from totally different planets.
Is your family's background just like your partner's? Do you think it makes things more or less stressful?
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Comments 8
Hell no! My family is extremely relaxed, easy-going, and low key. My boyfriend's family on the other hand (his mother and maternal grandmother) are batshit crazy! His mother is a control freak and is overall just not a nice person. I couldn't believe some of the things that have come out of her mouth. I've been with my boyfriend for years, and his mother honestly still makes me nervous and uncomfortable. I'm convinced his grandmother has good intentions, but she is completely overbearing and is just exhausting to deal with. She's a sweet lady who genuinely cares, but she can be a little much sometimes. This has led to my boyfriend wanting to spend for time with my family, but me being hesitant and reluctant to spend time with this family. Honestly, I am ok with this arrangement. Spares me a headache.
*more time not for time
Our families are on total sides of the spectrum. My family is more easy going accepting of everyone and not harsh or judgemental. His family is the opposite, uptight, ultra conservative and all about appearances. I grew up in the city, while they are small town people. It has caused issues, in fact I have pretty much written his parents off all together b/c of the judgemental, holier than thou attitudes.
The extra drama would only apply if your family is dramatic to begin with. His family is not. So if mine were like that, we would have 2 incredibly beautiful extended families.