Marrying a Guy Whose Family Is Just Like Yours Means Double the Drama

Love & Learn 8

mother interferring with coupleAs someone in love with love for the majority of my life, I wasn't exactly discriminating about the background the men I dated came from ... until I started thinking in terms of marriage. What kind of man would "get" my assertive, often boisterous, food-obsessed, theatrical, extremely opinionated family? (Wouldn't blame you if that description drums up a flash to scenes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding ... My fam's kinda like that, except small and Eastern-European/Jewish.) That's when I set my sights on finding a guy who had relatives who were -- at least in their own way -- similar to mine. That way, he wouldn't feel like a total fish out of water when contending with my family, right?

Well, I found that guy in my future husband. And yes, he can totally empathize with my family's drama. But his ability to have that kind of empathy means that sometimes, we're dealing with double the drama.

Which leads me to the question -- is it better to be with someone whose family is a lot like yours? Or does it just mean you're doubly stressed and taxed by the same behaviors you've grown up around and felt suffocated by? I have to admit lately, in the midst of the joy that is planning a wedding, I've been feeling the truth lies somewhere inbetween ...

Maybe it's that coming from the same kind of background makes it easier to understand one another for the most part ... but the price you pay for that is that yup, it can also make your life occasionally harder. Then again, by the time you're old enough to be in a serious relationship or married, perhaps you're already so adept at handling/ignoring/manipulating an upsetting family situation that you're a pro even dealing even when they're coming at you from all sides!

But more importantly, I feel like all couples have to learn how to cope with outside forces as a team. To present a united front. And that's something you can and must do, regardless of whether your families have way too much in common or are seemingly from totally different planets.

Is your family's background just like your partner's? Do you think it makes things more or less stressful?

 

marriage, love