10 Ways to Get Used to Being Alone Again After a Divorce

Inspiring 7

I've never lived alone before.

No, stop staring at me like that -- I swear, I have good reasons. I got pregnant and waddled from an apartment I shared with my ex back to the house I lived in with my parents so that I could go to nursing school and get a job that pays more than "do you want fries with that?"

Then, I met and married my husband shortly after graduation, when we bought a condo together. So in all those years, I was always living with someone.

But July, we decided to divorce after nearly 10 years of marriage and I moved into my own place. Which means that I'm in the process of learning how to live on my own. I couldn't be happier, but it's hard to get used to sometimes. Here's how I'm learning to live alone after my divorce.

1) Get thee a tool box. One thing everyone needs when they find themselves living alone again is a tool box with all the basics to fix things around the house. Then ask everyone you know if they have any duplicate tools they can donate. Make sure to get a book on simple home repairs, too.

2) Get an AAA membership. I'm a car fiend, but I know very little about fixing them. So instead of finding yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere with no one to call, get an AAA membership and they'll come help you.

3) Reach out to friends and family. Make sure that people know you're learning to live alone again and that you're really feeling it. Divorce is a terribly lonely process and having people around who know you're hurting is never a bad idea.

4) Write it out. When you're feeling blue, write it out. Write about the divorce and what you're going through. Doesn't matter if you do it in a blog or in a journal. Just let it out.

5) Make a list of all of the things you want to do. Start small - maybe you want to get some wall art of your own. Or maybe it's painting a room or taking a trip. But make a long list, put everything down that you've not done (and want to) and begin to complete it.

6) Use this as an opportunity to purge. Not just your stuff, mind you, but your head and your heart. Dump the friends who make you feel like crap and move forward.

7) If you're not coping well with the divorce, don't hesitate to find a therapist who specializes in divorce situations to guide you through this hard time.

8) Set up weekly "dates" with friends and family so you have something to look forward to. Doesn't have to be anything fancier than movie night, but it helps to have something positive to focus on.

9) Remember, above all else, that this is your life and you alone dictate how you spend it.

10) Get involved with all those things you had to put aside during your marriage. Maybe it's something as silly as getting green pepper on your pizza, but do it because now you can. No one will stop you.

What would you tell someone learning to live alone again?

 

Image via waitscm/Flickr

divorce, marriage, love, living together

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baham... bahamamama61

Love your independence:) Keep your door open to company, and get involved with a project:) Stay busy, and make some new friends:)

junecat junecat

I am going through the same thing except I've been married twice as long.  I can't tell you how excited I am to NOT have to take care of a grown man any more.  I want to take painting lessons, go to the gym, entertain and just be able to do what I want when I want.  Thanks for your tips though!  Never thought of AAA.  I would tell you to enjoy learning to be independent!!


 

tbruc... tbrucemom

Car maintenance was a big one for me after my divorce (was married 28 years) so I agree with getting AAA. It was nice not having to make big dinners any more and eat cereal for dinner if I wanted. I had time to take long leisurely bubble baths, go for walks, listen to the music I like, watch what I wanted on TV, etc.  I'm a football fan and my ex wasn't (weird I know) so I went to sports bars and watched games and bought merchandise of my fav team along with my fav band and displayed them in my apt. (my ex didn't like any of that). Il lost 30 lbs. and bought cute clothes. What really got me thru this difficult time though was my children. My daughter was 13 at the time and my son was 21 and was away in the Marines but he called me just about every day to check on me. It's been almost five years and I'm engaged now to a wonderful man and moving out of my apt. and in with him. My daughter is going away to college and my son is out of the Marines and lives in my city and is married.  Life goes on even though it doesn't seem like it at the time.

nonmember avatar Julie

Be kind to yourself as you're learning to make your new place your "home". It's taken almost a year to feel like I'm going "home" instead of just going to the place where all my stuff was. Have friends over and start making memories as soon as you can.

Marisa Jade Cardenas

I love reading your posts, especially this one. I am learning to live alone after my husband and I decided to split up back in October. There are things I love about it-getting to decorate my room the way i want instead of having bare walls because "we can't afford to decorate" or buying new bedding because I can. Being able to come and go as I please is nice too-no ome to answer to, but then there are the little things that I miss, like having someone to cook dinner for. I do not miss being with him or the way he made me feel, but it's still an adjustment being on my own. Kudos to you for not letting it get you down, I am trying hard to look at it in a positive light as you are.

nonmember avatar Deidra

i am about to go through the same thing with my husband soon to be ex. we have had our share of problems but i thought it was getting better until he cheatef with a stripper. this article has really given me confidence that i can live alone after ive spent time at my parents home. i am sooooo hurt and broken.

nonmember avatar RABBIT

I WANNA LIVE BACK ALONE ALSO. I ENJOYED IT BT I ALWAYS EITHER HAD SOMEONE OVER OR I WZ GOIN 2 DER HOUSE 2 SPEND DA NITE FA AT LEAST 4 MONTHS B4 I ACTUALLY SLEPT ALONE N MY OWN PLACE & DAT FIRST NITE WZ HARD BCZ I WZ SO USED 2 LAYING NEXT 2 SOMEONE.I THINK I DDNT FALL ASLEEP UNTIL 5AM. I GOT USED TO IT A LIL BIT THEN I MOVED N WIT MY NEW G.F. N DA NEXT 5 MONTHS. TRUST ME I WISH I CUD LIVE ALONE AGAIN BT RITE NOW IM LOOKN FA WRK. ITZ BEEN A HARD PROCESS BT IMA B READY FA IT AGAIN. IM STILL LIVIN WIT HER & SHE IZ SWEET BT I JUX MISS LIVIN BY MYSELF. IT DSNT MEAN DAT I DNT STILL WANNA B WIT HER I JUX WANNA KUM ND GO AS I PLEASE

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