GirlsThis week on Girls, Lena Dunham had a very sexy affair with the older, wealthy doctor who owns his own brownstone played by Patrick Wilson. The show incited a massive online debate about whether someone who looks like Dunham -- not conventionally gorgeous -- could land someone like Wilson -- a veritable Ken doll. So contentious was the debate that writers for other sites weighed in on it. 

Emily of XO Jane weighed in with her piece: I Look A Lot Like Lena Dunham, And I've Banged Super-Hot Guys. The piece was a fascinating study in the amount of contempt our society seems to have for women who don't look like Kate Upton who -- guess what? -- still manage to have active sex lives.

So, yes, a boring, staid, recently separated doctor COULD be sexually attracted to the young, vital, and wild girl played by Dunham. At least in a sexual way. But would they ever be a couple?

Like it or not, the reality is, most couples fall somewhere around the same number on the old scale of 1 to 10. Mismatched couples happen, but they are rare. Still, have you ever heard the old saying that in every relationship there is a "reacher" and a "settler"? That obviously exists for a reason.

The truth is, people are in relationships for all kinds of reasons and only one of them is looks.

So while we may be naturally drawn to a person who is of equal attractiveness to ourselves, we also may be attracted to someone who is hilarious or smart of exciting or fun. There are any number of components to attraction, so it is insulting to insinuate that a woman of average beauty could not "land" a man of conventional attractiveness or at least get him into bed.

This is especially galling when the woman in question is obviously fun and vivacious and different. Why would that not appeal to a man who probably spends a lot of time being "good"? Sometimes the "other" is just what we need...

Still, what if they were more than a couple night stand? Would that be possible? The XO Jane writer seems to think so. And it is possible. But maybe not likely. 

Sex and relationships are about more than looks. That's a fact. And women of all shapes and sizes get laid. Gasp! And while many couples do tend to have the same level of "hot, they don't always.

There is a man I currently know who is undoubtedly not that attractive. His personality is also wretched. So recently when he began dating a pretty hot woman, many of us were shocked! Floored! Scandalized! But you know, maybe she sees something in him we don't.

"She's hotter than any woman I ever though he would get," my husband said to me. Yes. She is. And lucky him. But maybe, just maybe, lucky her, too. For seeing something the rest of us don't. Maybe being lucky in love is about seeing past things others miss.

Do you think most couples have the same level of attractiveness?

 

Image via HBO