We have all had sex dreams. Admit it. It's OK. Our subconscious picks up a whole lot of craziness and somehow, inevitably, turns it into sex, sex, and more sex. I have had dreams of all shapes and sizes, some of which were hotter than others.
Sex dreams run the gamut. They can be hot. They can be gross. Sometimes they can even involve celebrities. Sometimes they even include a real-life orgasm (lucky us!). But what do these dreams really mean?
The Stir spoke exclusively with Kelly Sullivan Walden of Dreams Cloud, a site that allows people to log their dreams and have personal responses to them. Walden helped us decipher 10 sexual dreams and what they might tell us about our wide awake lives.
The reality is, sex dreams aren't REALLY about sex, says Walden. "Sex happens to be a metaphor for intimate connection, integrating or embracing the qualities we ascribe to the person (or animal, vegetable, or mineral) in our dream with which we are joining," Walden says. "In addition to the healthy need to blow off steam, I look at every dream (as did the late Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung) from the perspective that everyone and everything is an aspect of the dreamer—and sex represents intimate connection, not necessarily lust, as one might assume."
Here are 10 common sex dreams and what they might mean:
- Dreams of sex with a celebrity: Who HASN'T had this dream? You are hot and heavy with George Clooney and ... yum. Anyway, it's not always what it seems, says Walden. "I think of a celebrity as a 'celebrated' aspect of self. If I’m having sex with a celebrity, then I’m connecting deeply with power, influence, and glamour. I’d consider the qualities of the celebrity and the role they play in my dream—as it may be revealing an aspect of myself I am slated to embrace, as I walk the red carpet of my own life."
- Dreams of sex with a friend's husband: This is one of those dreams where you can barely look at the person the next day. But never fear. It's PROBABLY not a wish for infidelity. "First, what qualities does this man exhibit? Any man in my dream represents the masculine aspect of myself that might normally be suppressed (i.e., courage, bravery, heroism, strength, power, safety, accountability, or security). The great thing about dream sex is that no one gets in trouble, and no one gets hurt," Walden says. Of course, NEVER tell your friend. Seriously.
- Dreams of sex with a family member or something equally repulsive: Yuck. "After waking up from a dream like this, it would be a good time to remember that dreams are SYMBOLIC, not literal," Walden says. "Did you recently have a fight with this person? Joining with him (or her) in your dream could be symbolic of reconciliation, empathy, or merging with (understanding) their point of view."
- Dreams of sexual problems (inability to perform or sexual deformity): If you have a dream like this, Walden says to ask a few questions of yourself: "Are you feeling impotent at work? Are you venting out frustration at not being able to rise to the occasion of an opportunity recently presented to you? If this were my dream, I’d ask, 'Where am I feeling powerless or ineffective in my life?'"
- Dreams of sex with an old boyfriend: It's all about tapping into what you left behind, Walden says. "By the light of day our lives are lived in a linear fashion, where one relationship ends and another one begins. However, in the dream time, the rules of engagement are completely different. As we dream, all the complexity of our emotion bursts forth from beneath the bed. Perhaps it would be inappropriate to explore lingering feelings for an ex on Facebook in the light of day, but it's perfectly appropriate to do so as we sleep and dream."
- Dream where she has an orgasm and it feels real: Lucky you, Walden says. "We can learn a lot about sexual dreams from the Senoi—a dream based, native culture in the highlands of Malaysia. The Senoi were considered by renowned anthropologist Kilton Stewart to be a highly enlightened dream tribe. The Senoi embraced love and sex in their dreams as a way to 'grow the soul.' In fact, when the Senoi had sexual dreams, they were taught to move toward the loving objects and enjoy them to the fullest. They were also encouraged to have orgasms in their dreams! It didn't matter who or what the object was, it could be a relative, a friend's spouse, an animal, or a doorknob (though I don’t think the Senoi had doorknobs). The Senoi believed all dream images were aspects of the self that needed to be integrated and loved."
- Dreams of sex with an animal: Walden says: "In dreams, sex with an animal represents embracing my wild side. The animal aspect of ourselves represent untamed, undomesticated expression. I’d ask the question, 'Where might it serve me to be a bit more unrestrained, authentic, and self-expressed in my life?'"
- Dreams of sex in an adventurous place (outside, etc.) with your spouse: "If this were my dream, I’d see this dream as a message to see my husband (and my masculine side) from an out of the box perspective," Walden says. "It may simply be a prescription from the dream realm to literally add some spice to my marriage, go outside the boundaries of my normal comfort zone, and maybe learn a new trick or two." Also, TELL your spouse this one. It can only make things hotter.
- Dreams of cheating on your spouse: Dreams are for experimenting. So let loose. And enjoy, Walden says. "You are a multifaceted, multi-dimensional, multi-layered, multi-orgasmic being, who has chosen to be monogamous. That is a noble task. Your nighttime escapades are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should be quite proud of all the aspects of yourself you've been 'embracing' in your dream time that’s making you a more whole and powerful woman. There is no unfaithfulness or promiscuity in dreams because everyone and everything in your dream is an aspect of YOURSELF! Your dreams are the ultimate 'Hall Pass'!"
- Dreams of sex with a woman: No. This doesn't mean you are secretly a lesbian. Walden says: "I typically associate women on women sexual dreams as a symbol of deeply connecting with the sensual goddess within; embracing one’s own deep feminine; and fulfilling a need for nurturing and gentleness."
Have you had any of these dreams? Wondered what they meant?