8 Life-Saving Tips for Surviving a Divorce

Love & Learn 6

No one ever said divorce was easy. Or if they did, they should be smacked down. Hard. Because it's not. Even though my husband and I are still friends - mostly for the kids, but also because we like each other as people - it's tough.

Whether you're at the beginning of the divorce, when all things must be done! right! now!; during the middle of a divorce, struggling to find your way again; or at the end, when all is said and done, it can be hard to remember which way is up.

Here are my best tips for someone who is going through a divorce.

1) Remember, you didn't cause the divorce. Divorce is NEVER the result of one person, no matter how you may feel. You both got married, you both are divorcing. There's rarely any "bad" guy.

2) You are NOT a failure. Many of us feel like we've failed because we couldn't make it work with our spouse. It's sort of ingrained in us, I suppose, to feel that way when something major doesn't work out. Your marriage didn't work out. Doesn't mean you failed.

3) Try not to be hurt by those who choose sides. Sometimes, even your very best friends can decide your partner was "right" and choose to side with him (or her). There are no sides, only people. And while it will hurt, I always remind myself that it's a nice way to find out who truly loves you.

4) The days when you can't even get off the couch to brush your teeth will happen. But they will also end. You will find your way again.

5) Try your best not to become jaded. This is a hard, hard time, but it doesn't mean that the pain will last forever. It doesn't mean you failed, you're a bad person, or you'll never be happy.

6) This isn't the end of you. I've been working really hard to remind myself that I am a good person who deserves love, just like the next person, and that I will, once again, find it.

7) Do one thing every day that makes you happy. Whether it's making a craft, taking a hot bath, or reading in bed until late at night, do it. And don't feel guilty about it.

8) Reach out to people when you're hurting. Don't isolate yourself. It's really easy to hide in your bed all day, hoping this is all a dream. Instead of allowing that to continue, text someone, tell them you're in pain. Sometimes, even that act alone can help you find a bit of reassurance that people DO love you.

What advice would you give to someone who's trying to survive a divorce?

 

Image via Foxtongue/Flickr

breakups, divorce, marriage

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Coles... Coles_mom

This is generally true- however #1 is too broad a statement. I fought tooth-and-nail to save my marriage. He wanted out, he got out.

nonmember avatar Heather

Sorry you're going through this Becky! You're one of the few bloggers on this site that I actually like reading! You've got talent:)

EmmaF... EmmaFromEire

I kinda disagree with you sass about #4. Sometimes those days hit you when you least expect it, it happens. And sometimes you need those wallowing days! Everyone needs time to grieve for the marriage that's ended, but i guess there's no right or wrong way to do it!

nonmember avatar janie

& children??



&try not getting off the couch or out of bed when you have little people who depend on you for everything. No one else is there to help. Parents are dead, other family too far away. And "daddy" decided to bail. My only sadness or pity about the whole mess is for children.



nonmember avatar derryn

disagree with #1. when one partner has an affair and decides to end the marriage, its pretty hard for the other partner to "share" the blame, even if there were issues in the marriage. i never got a chance to talk these through or work on them. very difficult

nonmember avatar Cassandra

Very good advice, however I also disagree with #1. My husand had an affair and chose the other woman. I tried several times to save my marriage and he just wasn't having it.

Catherine Osborne

Damn you for blaming the victim. My former partner had an affair, and left his family of 13 years with nothing and homeless. I was a devoted wife.

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