How You Lost Your Virginity Supposedly Matters More Than You Know

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rose petals on a bedThere's enough anxiety about having sex for the first time without worrying that somehow, however it goes down will influence your sex life -- for the rest of your life. But that's exactly what researchers from the Universities of Tennessee and Mississippi are claiming in a new, totally annoying study.

Apparently, people who "were most emotionally and physically satisfied the first time found their sex lives the most fulfilling," while "those who reported higher levels of anxiety and negativity with the first time reported lower overall sexual functioning." This based on talking to a few hundred undergrads about when and how they swiped their v-card. Face. Palm.

I'm someone who took the whole v-card thing really seriously, because I didn't want to do it with just anyone. I waited, because I wanted to avoid ending up in an emotional basketcase, all because the guy didn't care as much as I did. I waited 'til I was in love and monogamous -- but not yet married. So, clearly, I felt -- and I still feel -- the first time should feel right.

More from The Stir: In Defense of Having Sex Before Marriage

But for most people, it doesn't necessarily. For most people, especially those who lose their virginity in their mid-teens, it's awkward, weird, embarrassing, painful perhaps, emotionally tough, disappointing. And, most likely, more people than not experience anxiety before/during/after! And that's okay! It's more normal than not! (Geeze, I feel like Judy Blume.)

A not-so-perfect first time definitely doesn't mean the end of the world -- or the end of your sex life forever! That's just plain ludicrous. And clearly a fearmongering tactic to try to brainwash young people to wait. Even though making mistakes -- yes, even when it comes to losing ther virginity -- is an important part of growing up and learning who we are, in and out of bed.

What do you make of this study? Do you think your first time actually has any bearing on how fulfilling your sex life will be?


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nonmember avatar blue

I actually agree with the premise. I don't see how that just isn't common sense. Sex is an emotion experience. As much as our society tries to say you can screw whenever you want, and don't have to be changed by it. I don't buy that. ANYTIME you share something with a person, especially something so intimate...negative feelings can impact the future.

shewo... shewolfalpha

I am sure this could be true.  My first experience was terrible. I was 18 all my friends had already lost their virginity and I hadn't so I decided to get it over with with a friend. It was awful. :( I feel like I am always trying to get what I missed out on.

Rosas... RosasMummy

I lost my virginity when I was 15 to a guy who I really liked but had never shown any interest in me before that night and I just thought 'I want it to be you anyway' and I lied and said I had already lost my virginity. We r still together almost 6 years later. I recognise now though that what I did wa stupid I'm just lucky it worked out so well for me.

blunt... bluntcakes

theres truth to it. im only 23 and lost my virginity when i was almost 19 with a guy i was with on and off for almost 4 years. i didnt love him when we first had sex  that came after and it wasnt a negative experience but it also wasnt a beautiful one per say. but now before sleeping with a guy i want to have wonderful feelings for him. 

corri... corrinacs

What kind of study is that.  Most people are totally awkward about it the first itme.  And if you aren't, then you are lying to yourself LOL.  APparently, some ppl don't even know HOW to do it.  When I was going through ART treatments, there was seriously talk in a pamphlet about people who just don't know how to have sex right.  They coudln't get pregnant because the man wasn't even IN the woman.  Facepalm

nonmember avatar LizzieBorden

Correlation is not causation. The negative feels one experienced during their first times does not necessarily translate as a cause. It's possible that a negative or apprehensive attitude/feelings towards sex affect the first time and subsequent interactions rather than a negative first time experience actually causing a less than stellar sex life later on. This study lacks any real scientific operation.

tuffy... tuffymama

What blue said, exactly. As a veteran of therapy and group counseling, and a former facilitator for females in group counseling, I can tell you that the circimunstances of and surrounding the first time are hugely important. I can personally attest to it. Regardless of false bravado and what the biased MSM beats into us day in and day out, sex DOES have long term emotional and spiritual consequences. Let it be with some one you love, so that the consequences are the kind you can live with.

tuffy... tuffymama

*circumstances. (Holy cow! How did that happen? LOL.)

the4m... the4mutts

LoL while it may be true for some, it sooo was not true for me. My best friend and I decided to "just do it" it was daytime, akward, and got interrupted by my parents getting home. We did it once more about a year later. But in between that time, I had really good sex with a bf for several months.

I have never had sexual issues that derived from sexual experience. The only issue I had was sleeping around a lot, thanks to a dumbass mother, and her dumbass views on how you know if youre "hot"

Caera Caera

It's annoying when things don't conform to your narrow world-view, isn't it Maressa?


Of course it matters and will have an effect. Only idiots and those deep in denial would say otherwise.


Which are you, "author"?

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