Every couple is different. It's something we are all told from the moment we start to consider marriage and babies, and the reality is, it's true. Every couple IS different. We have absolutely no way of knowing whether we are looking at a happy couple or a miserable one from the outside. The truth is, there are rarely any absolutes in life. But there might be in sex.
Married couples who have "sexless marriages" are, indeed, unhappier than those who have plenty of the between the sheets action. But just what constitutes a "sexless marriage"? I know for my husband, if we fall below once a week, he starts to get pissy.
It may sound bad, but it's true. There is a lot of door slamming and whining and "why aren't you paying attention to me?" But you know what? I'll take it. There are worse things that can happen.
Having known many couples over the years and having heard some of their intimate stories, I know that every couple has their magic number. Whether it's once a week or once a year, there is a bare minimum that is required to keep the magic alive.
Once you fall below that number, you start to feel less desirable, less attractive, and generally less. And that is NOT good for any marriage.
Having spoken off the record with a few friends on this subject, I am aware that once a week isn't the norm. But every couple has their "hmmm, why are we not being intimate?" moment. For me, I would start to get antsy around two weeks. I would start to feel neglected and like he didn't love me or find me attractive.
Once you reach that point, there is trouble. And if you go beyond that point? Look out. Sure, there are extenuating circumstances when people get sick or have a baby or travel for work, but in general, even in busy times, couples need to find their magic number and stick to it. If yours is one week like mine, you better find the time to get between the sheets even if it isn't what you want to do at that moment.
The person with the higher sex drive or who needs it more often is the one who wins in this case. Even if you don't feel like it, once you get started, it's usually true that sex is pretty fun.
So figure out your magic number and figure out your spouse's and then make your sex happen that often. Trust me. It will save your marriage.
How often do you and your spouse need to have sex?
Image via danielmoyle/Flickr
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Comments 41
This week, none. Last week, I think 6-8 times. Ha..it usually evens out for us.
yeahright-Doesn't your father-in-law ever sleep? Does he sleep in the same room as you? Is he an invalid and requires 24 hour care? Are you so loud that he would hear a blow by blow of your lovemaking? I'm at a loss as to why having a grown man sleeping in your house would keep you from having sex with your husband. Maybe you're resentful of him living there and that's keeping you from wanting to have sex with your husband.
It's really hard to be in a relatively sexless relationship, but it happens not by choice sometimes. He has ANOTHER doc's appt next week to see what could be causing his ED, but it keeps getting worse instead of better. That doesn't mean that I'm going to head out the door. I love him in health and sickness, even though we haven't taken those vows. He would stand by my side if the shoe was on the other foot.