Married Couples Who Have Sex Less Than Once a Week Are in Trouble

sexEvery couple is different. It's something we are all told from the moment we start to consider marriage and babies, and the reality is, it's true. Every couple IS different. We have absolutely no way of knowing whether we are looking at a happy couple or a miserable one from the outside. The truth is, there are rarely any absolutes in life. But there might be in sex.

Married couples who have "sexless marriages" are, indeed, unhappier than those who have plenty of the between the sheets action. But just what constitutes a "sexless marriage"? I know for my husband, if we fall below once a week, he starts to get pissy.

It may sound bad, but it's true. There is a lot of door slamming and whining and "why aren't you paying attention to me?" But you know what? I'll take it. There are worse things that can happen.

Having known many couples over the years and having heard some of their intimate stories, I know that every couple has their magic number. Whether it's once a week or once a year, there is a bare minimum that is required to keep the magic alive.

Once you fall below that number, you start to feel less desirable, less attractive, and generally less. And that is NOT good for any marriage.

Having spoken off the record with a few friends on this subject, I am aware that once a week isn't the norm. But every couple has their "hmmm, why are we not being intimate?" moment. For me, I would start to get antsy around two weeks. I would start to feel neglected and like he didn't love me or find me attractive.

Once you reach that point, there is trouble. And if you go beyond that point? Look out. Sure, there are extenuating circumstances when people get sick or have a baby or travel for work, but in general, even in busy times, couples need to find their magic number and stick to it. If yours is one week like mine, you better find the time to get between the sheets even if it isn't what you want to do at that moment.

The person with the higher sex drive or who needs it more often is the one who wins in this case. Even if you don't feel like it, once you get started, it's usually true that sex is pretty fun.

So figure out your magic number and figure out your spouse's and then make your sex happen that often. Trust me. It will save your marriage.

How often do you and your spouse need to have sex?


Image via danielmoyle/Flickr

marriage, sex


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Wheep... Wheepingchree

This week, none.  Last week, I think 6-8 times. usually evens out for us.

nonmember avatar yeahright

My husband and i are in a sexless marriage. Not by choice, though. His dad lives with us now and lets just say, this is the worst arrangement in my life! Absolutely no time to ourselves. His dad is only in his mid-fifties, but you'd think he would take a hint sometimes.

nonmember avatar MomofTwo

Sounds like we married the same guy :-) One week, if it goes over I am constantly reminded of it until it happens!

tbruc... tbrucemom

yeahright-Doesn't your father-in-law ever sleep? Does he sleep in the same room as you? Is he an invalid and requires 24 hour care? Are you so loud that he would hear a blow by blow of your lovemaking? I'm at a loss as to why having a grown man sleeping in your house would keep you from having sex with your husband. Maybe you're resentful of him living there and that's keeping you from wanting to have sex with your husband.

Blues... Blueshark77

It's really hard to be in a relatively sexless relationship, but it happens not by choice sometimes. He has ANOTHER doc's appt next week to see what could be causing his ED, but it keeps getting worse instead of better. That doesn't mean that I'm going to head out the door. I love him in health and sickness, even though we haven't taken those vows. He would stand by my side if the shoe was on the other foot.

nonmember avatar NoWay

@tbrucemom ... I agree. When my father-in-law spent the night, we would have "sneaky quiet sex" and it was fun and exciting ... like a couple of teenagers sneaking around. Hehe :) With the exception of travel or illness, we have never gone more than a week without sex. Sometimes we have sex 7 nights in a row. I guess we both have high sex drives.

CPN322 CPN322

We try to have sex at least once a week but sicknesses and being busy with work and school has made it a little hard. Depression doesn't help either.

tbrucemom - perhaps he is sleeping in the room right beside theirs and they have thin walls. You don't know so stop judging. You didn't even answer the question.

linzemae linzemae

My body cramps and bleeds right now if we try. So its been almost 28 weeks for us. Before I got pregnant we were only about once a month.

nonmember avatar yeahright

Tbrucemom- you are so right. I am resentful of him being here. I can't stand the thought of having sex with my husband with him in my house. He makes inappropriate comments about my chest and other things. My hubby is getting tired of the constant complaining that his dad does. We don't want him to be homeless and sleeping in his truck but honestly we're at a loss of what to do to help him anymore. Financially we cannot afford to take care of him. But his dad expects it cause he took care of my hubby when he was younger. But i think a parent taking care of a child is what you're suppose to do when you become a parent. To live with your adult child and his family and expect to be taken care of is a whole different story. My fil has other children that he could stay with if need be. Our apartment isnt big enough for five people.

nonmember avatar SJ

I seem to have gotten very lucky. After 13 years together (10+ married) we still make love 3-5 times a week. It's been that way steadily since we've been together. 7 years younger, his drive is a bit higher than mine at 46, but after a minutes of passionate kisses I'm all for a roll in the hay. We have another couple we are friends with that only do it once a month or so. She seems to feel each and every time needs to blow her mind, and be more intense than the last. Their marriage is on very shaky ground ): Sex is free. It's fun. It's exercise. What's not to love??

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