Real-Life Dominatrix Tells How to Bring '50 Shades' Sex Into Your Bedroom

paddleNot everyone understands the world's obsession with Fifty Shades of Grey. At first look, it seems like just another cheesy, romance novel. Well, it has become so much more than that for one simple reason. That best-selling book series has given millions of women a tantalizing peek into a taboo world. In fact, it has inspired readers to think about sex in an entirely different light.

Problem is, most people are still too shy or just too clueless about BDSM (Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism) to create their own Red Room of Pain-inspired nights. So we've enlisted the help of an expert to show you how to bring whips, chains, and nipple clamps into your bedroom. New York-based dominatrix Mistress Darcy (mistressdarcy.com) walks The Stir through how to turn "vanilla sex" into a passion so hot it would make Anastasia Steele jealous.

More from The Stir: 15 Sex Tips For Women (From Men)

If you are intimidated by the thought if it, that's normal. Before Mistress Darcy was Mistress Darcy, she too had many reservations. "I thought it was pretty freaking weird," she admits. But if something about Christian Grey's sex sessions jumps out at you, "that little tickling in your tummy that's saying, 'This is interesting' is a sign. That’s a flag going up that deep down somewhere that you might actually really be into this." Though she admits, it's not always easy for a women to ask her man to get kinky, so here is how to get started.

Has Fifty Shades of Grey inspired you to liven up your sex life?


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Hurri... HurricaneTalia

My husband and I have been into BDSM for years. Long before the Fifty Shades of Grey craze. BDSM in the truest form brings you a relationship that richer in Trust, Respect, and Intimacy than the typical relationship or marriage. People are often surprised by that.


I will proudly admit to being whipped, tied up, and having my limits pushed regularly. I wish people would do their research before trying out some of these things. It gets such a bad rep for how it's portrayed by people who are ignorant to even the most basic tenets, when in reality it is such a wonderful, intimate, amazing thing.

Lauren Wasinger

" most people are still too shy or just too clueless"


Or just not interested in it. I know it's a big thing now, and I'm not trying to bash it, but let's not try to make it sound like if you aren't having BDSM then you're naive or scared. Many people just aren't into it. Some people are. And either way is cool.

Heath... HeatherJo11

I thought once upon a time that I just wasn't into it. Turns out I was just clueless. Cause once you explore it, you get interested & then you're into it for good..Could never go back to all vanilla, all the time now. Though I will say I have been into it since way before all this fifty shades stuff.

there... theresaphilly

I just can't believe that people were not having this type of sex before this book came out. Guess I am one of the few with a freaky ass mind. I always knew about bondage, S & M and Sadism since I was fifteen. Did not dabble into it, but at the age of twenty I was doing all that Christian Gray stuff, reading about others finally attempting these things makes me wonder what their sex life is like?Use your sexual brain that is why it's in your HEAD!

LadyM... LadyMinni

As a very devoted submissive I would just like to insert something into this: Don't confuse BDSM and D/S. They are not the same thing! D/S is domination and submission, it does not automatically entail sadism. The reason most people who get hurt doing BDSM do, is because they don't understand what it is. Trust trust trust people! You cannot just pick up a flogger and start going at it. This article is for people who want to play bondage because they think they're badasses.


If you want to play at BDSM, I seriously recommend that you find yourself a real life dominant/submissive pair and talk to them. My master had me talk to his dom friends and their subs so that I was really sure of what I was getting in to -and I already knew a lot about it! I ask you, please, to not go off of an article on the internet or a book of fiction. I know too many subs who have been hurt by wannabe doms who read 50 Shades and think they know what they're doing.

nonmember avatar Master Greg

Most of this advice is irresponsible and should be discarded. As someone who has three decades of experience in the lifestyle, I'm appalled that people new to the lifestyle would be told by a professional dominatrix (aka: actress paid to play a role, not a lifestyle dominant) to use works of fiction and kinky movies as guides. Go to a fetish site and fill out the kink surveys, preferably with your partner. Join BDSM groups--there are tons on Facebook, for example. I don't know what sites I can plug here, but I can name plenty that would be great--they have opportunities for you to interact with people who live the lifestyle responsibly. As far as "50 Shades" goes: it's Twilight fan fiction with a psychopath with mommy issues as its main character, and it is a totally irresponsible and inaccurate portrayal of BDSM. Please don't use it as a guide.

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