5 Household Chores My Husband Is Not Allowed to Do

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husband choresRemember that Shel Silverstein poem about the dishes? The one where the boy gets out of having to dry the dishes by dropping one on the floor? Well, I thought it was genius when I was a kid, but I would never have tried it. I am way too much of a perfectionist to mess up a job like that. Anything I was going to do, I was going to do well. 

My husband, on the hand, isn't quite like that. Generally we have an equal division of labor in our house. He works, I work. He puts the kids to bed and handles baths, and I do it on my nights. But there are some things I just won't let him do.

Not because he CAN'T do them. Mind you, my husband is a brilliant scientist with a graduate level education and a high level job. But he can't seem to figure out how to scrape pots. Or separate laundry. Or cook. So he doesn't. Here are five chores my husband is no longer allowed to do in our house. See below:

  • Make the bed: I am sorry, but how hard is it really to make a bed? If you ask my hubby -- he of wet towels on the bed, blanket-hogging, top sheet-eschewing ways -- it's pretty dang hard. Every time he makes the bed, it looks terrible. It's messy and wrinkled. The pillows are in the wrong places and the top sheet is still crumpled at the foot of the bed. I'll just do it, thanks.
  • Do the dishes: Seriously, this one is just confounding. My husband can't figure out how to wash a bowl. Or hand wash our expensive German knives (NOT the dishwasher). Forget the wooden spoons and wooden salad bowls and for some reason he STILL leaves anything hard "soaking" in the sink until I can get to it. Again, I'll just do it myself and let him mow the lawn instead of screaming at him for being inept.
  • Cook: Just no. The one time I gave dinner over to him this year, he bought bison steaks rather than ground bison for the chili. It tasted fine, but was kind of a visual fail. So I'll handle dinner while he handles bedtime.
  • Laundry: As long as there are places to put clothing, I don't mind doing the laundry. And doing it myself is 1,000 times better than dealing with his inability to separate or to remember that laundry is in the wash, building up mildew. He can take out the trash and mop the floor while I fold and put away the kids' clothing.
  • Set the table: Again with the half-ass! Agh! Just let me handle it. There are PLENTY of chores to go around.

Are there any chores your husband isn't allowed to do?

 

Image via maureen lunn/Flickr

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Rootbear Rootbear

It's not that my boyfriend isn't ALLOWED to do laundry, its just that I absolutely love it. It's one of my favourite things. I enjoy shopping for new detergent, and folding and all that junk. He did the laundry one time and I actually got upset. I'd also rather he didn't cook. Not that he does a shitty job, but its just my thing. Once in a while he'll cook and that's fine but I just like my time in the kitchen. hahaha

nonmember avatar Emily

Mine claims he has a laundry system-I gotta call BS on that one! We're getting married in April (and living apart until marriage, we're old-fashioned that way), and I cannot wait to override his laundry. He has no problem with this. Dishes are also my territory, because his best dish method is procrastination! He does pull his weight though, he's a good cook, he doesn't mind other things like vacuuming or the cat boxes or the bed, but we have a deal: I hate yardwork. He loves yardwork. His territory is the outside, the vehicles, etc., and mine is the inside.

SaphireH SaphireH

ya my hubby has been banned from laundry, the one and only time i had him help me while i was nursing our daughter was a disaster. i went to change the wash over to the dryer and i noticed there was all this gel like substance all over the clothes and i was finding huge clumps of it in the washer. turns out it was diaper gel from a pee soaked disposable that he had thrown near the laundry as he was going for the trash and missed unknown to me, got burried in the laundry and stepped on and it blew apart and he had just scooped up the laundry and pitched it in with out checking it for anything like binx, toys or money in our pants so he missed all of the gel. i only know he didnt wash an actual diaper because the rest of it was at the bottom of the stairs. since then he isnt allowed near the laundry

nonmember avatar Richard

Sasha, How often do you ask your husband how he's doing, how his day went and take an interest in him? Some men tend to treat doing house work like walking on broken glass if they feel their wife isn't treating them with respect, love and encouragement. It zaps their self-confidence and makes them feel like no matter how they do it, it'll be wrong. I don't know you, but based on what I've read here you sound like you treat your husband with considerable contempt--and not just because these chores are done incorrectly.

nonmember avatar Jessica

I was so surprised to read all these responses! Actually, I feel like that post could have been written by me! The intent is not to be condescending, but honestly, I don't like to eat on filthy, greasy plates, and he is insulted when I re-do a chore he has done because things are still messy/dirty. It all comes down to paying attention. I know my husband is extremely smart...he is extremely focused and successful at his job, but at home, he pays no mind to what he is doing. Even when he tries to do something sweet...for example, tonight, he made tea for me. The tea kettle was broken so he went in the basement to get a totally filthy mug, which he proceeded to make tea in. I don't get it! This is a man who has a PhD from an Ivy League university! I love him to pieces, but if I want things to be clean, I just have to do things myself! Also, he is hurt when I point out things he's missed, so I would rather spend a little more time on chores and keep the peace.

MissL... MissLadyA

My mister does alot around the house. It may not always get done the way I wanted, but hey, if its clean, picked up or put away, who am I to complain. It could be worse- he could be sitting upstairs 'gaming' out. We have a pretty equal division of stuff to do in our home. We do what we like and/or good at. I absolutely love cooking- he doesnt- while I hate to do dishes- cue dramatic swoon of eyes and faint- he loves doing dishes!!! I dont like walking the dogs, but when he does, I clean the outdoor kennel =) There is no dictation and we are happier for it. But hey- to each her own right.

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