Cheating used to be so cloak and dagger. I mean, you'd have to go hunting for receipts or check bank statements to see if your significant other was stepping out on you. Now, though, thanks to the influx of social media sites and smartphones, you barely have to turn around to see what your partner's been up to.
So should you? Should you check in to make sure your partner is being faithful?
My vote is no.
With the availability of information at our fingertips, it can be tempting to see what our partner is doing in his or her off-time. He could be chatting with an ex, or chatting up someone he met on Facebook. He could be exchanging naughty pictures! You just don't know.
Until you do. And when you do know, you can't unknow that sort of thing.
I'm not suggesting that we turn a blind eye to our partners, pretending that the possibility of infidelity doesn't exist. Far from it. I'm merely suggesting that there are other, better ways to determine whether your partner is being faithful.
Namely, by asking him or her. Based upon his or her reaction, you should be able to tell one way or another if something is up.
I'd rather be accused of being "crazy" than accused of invading my partner's privacy. I think even now, in the age of the Internet, people deserve their privacy. If he's talking about me to another woman? Maybe he needs to vent to a female ear. If he's talking about a hot chick to a buddy via Facebook? He's being human.
And frankly, I don't need to know about it. Planting seeds of doubt is hard to turn back from.
If, by all means, your partner acts cagey when questioned about cheating, ask for proof. But ask for it -- don't go seeking it out. Because what you might find could be the answer ... but more likely, you'll just find out that your partner is human.
And if he should catch you snooping through his or her private emails, calls, texts, and Facebook messages? Well, that's a hard one to get over.
I say let sleeping emails sleep and do your communicating with your partner, not with a computer.
What about you? Do you check your partner's email or Facebook?
Image via NathaniaJohnson/Flickr
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Comments 39
He leaves his facebook logged on and I know his email password, but I've never checked to see what's going on. If he was up to something I wouldn't have such easy access. A lot of the time when he gets a text message he asks me to read it to him if he's driving or otherwise occupied. My phone doesn't have a lock on it so he could easily see my texts, calls, emails, etc. He's never given me a reason to doubt him and I don't have any sneaking suspicions.
I feel bad for the ladies who have been cheated on. It would make trusting someone again very hard. I have to say though I've known more ladies who cheat than men. I have about equal numbers of male and female friends, and it just seems like the females would be harder to trust.
My husband and I don't hide anything from each other....we share email accounts and facebook pages. We have nothing to hide.
I did-found out about his girlfriend -now he is my ex.
@Coles_mom, behavior changes like that (changing passwords and especially locking the phone) need to be addressed. Not by snooping, by having a frank conversation about his behavior. I understand why you wouldn't want to bring it up, but that feeling you have in your gut is meaningful. You could probably point out a few other behaviors that concern you, if you sat down and thought about it.
As for the article, I'm in no position to answer. My husband has me write work/private emails, fiddle with his iPhone, get on his Facebook and post things, log into his financial accounts and made transactions, etc. I sent him a spreadsheet with every email/financial account I have with usernames and passwords (in case I die and he needs quick access), and he can check my email through my unlocked iPad when I'm not home. There are no secrets in our house.