Sex Confession: I Really Like Anal Sex But My Husband Doesn't

Say What!? 160

no"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

There are some things that couples can disagree on and it's no big deal. Say one doesn't like chicken and the other loves it. All they have to do is make chicken for one and make sure the other one has enough food to be called a meal. But what happens when that thing you can't agree on is anal sex? And in this case, it's the woman who loves and the man who is saying no thanks. Tracey* is a 30-something mom of one and wife to perhaps the only man in the universe who doesn't want to have anal. I'll let Tracey share her back-door denials.

I like anal sex. There. I said it. No, I love it. My friends think that is completely weird and gross. But dare I say I like it as much if not more than regular sex. My husband Chris though. Hates it. All my friends tell me how their husbands essentially beg them to have anal and they hate it and here I am with the husband who isn't interested in anal at all. It's too messy, he says. Too complicated or something. And it kind of annoys me that he won't satisfy me in that way once in a while. 

Chris is a great husband. I love the guy. And we used to have anal about twice a month when we were first together. I've always been a huge fan of butt play -- dildos, fingers, vibrators. But I had never had anal sex until I met Chris. I always thought he was into it, too, until one day he said no to it. Then the next time, he said no again. And that trend continued. When I asked him about it he told me that he didn't like it, that it felt too planned, too much worrying about the clean-up, mostly because he can't come from anal, so we usually have vaginal sex after that but he has to clean his penis before we can do that.

We've tried starting off with vaginal but then he can't get hard enough for what is essentially round two of anal. And I want anal! I feel like I just said anal a million times, but I'm not sure how to handle this situation and mostly I feel really alone. I can't be the only woman out there who likes to have anal sex, can I?

I also feel like I do things I don't particularly love to do for my husband -- namely blowjobs -- to make him sexually happy. Why can't he do this for me?

What do you think of Tracey's confession? What advice would you give her?


Image via sboneham/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Samantha

Stop giving him blowjobs, or anything else you dont like to do. Then when he gets frustrated & asks why, you can explain to him that its not pleasing to you, so why should you do it? Its a selfish mindset in a partnership, and he needs to know that.

nonmember avatar Cass

Sounds like your husband is being selfish. Try explaining the things you do that you don't enjoy and see if he understands. As long as it is not causing him pain or severe stress, it seems like reasonable give and take.

nonmember avatar owwie

The first time I had sex, it hurt, but I kept going and it was worth it. The first (and last) time I tried anal, it hurt so bad after an inch that I cried. Literally started sobbing. It took about 2 minutes to get it in the while way the first time I had regular sex, and 10 to barely get the head in for anal. Not for me lol.

nonmember avatar Ergo

Admittedly I'm more than a little naive on the subject, but why not use a condominium during anal and then just take it off when you're ready to switch to vaginal? Wouldn't that eliminate cleanup, and therefore a large part of his argument? To me that makes it more like the blowjob analogy, then the time and dislike from one partner is equal....

jkm89 jkm89

Ooooouuuuucccchhhh! You crazy lol.

kelti... kelticmom

Coming from another girl who likes anal play, I must say that I don't believe the "well I give him blowjobs" reasoning is quite fair. After all, you are asking him to put his dick in a place that poop comes out. It's a bigger mental block, and it may not excite him AT ALL, in fact it can make him not have an erection. I would say, get more toys, let him use a dildo on you. You can't force someone to be aroused by something that they obviously have no interest in.

Erin Kull

Since you are married, maybe you should see a counselor. I love anal and if the person I cared about refused to do something I really wanted (not due to an emotional reason or trauma), it would make me wonder why he wouldn't try. Especially if you do something for him you don't particularly enjoy. I feel couples should try to please each other. It shows you care. And I agree with the above commentator who suggested using a condom and having anal to please you and then taking it off so he can enjoy vaginal sex. I know some women enjoy giving oral sex but some do not, yet they do it to please their partner. I know you can't force someone to enjoy something but this will lead to future problems.

Wheep... Wheepingchree

I agree with kelticmom and Erin.

nonmember avatar passer by

"Tracey* is a 30-something mom of one and wife perhaps the only man in the universe who doesn't want to have anal".......and this wild generalization is the reason that women are a joke and aren't taken very seriously.You need to meet some more guys honey because ALOT of dudes ain't into doing that.

nonmember avatar blue

I don't think love is forcing your spouse to do something they don't enjoy...so you can get pleasure. I think love, is finding something new and fun, that you BOTH totally enjoy and get pleasure out of. Here's the thing, he did try. For quite a while he WAS doing this, just because you wanted. He gave it the college go, so to speak. It didn't work. So what? Find something new, for god sakes. Marriage isn't all about everything YOU want. I HATE giving oral sex. It seriously makes me need to vomit. My husband does not demand this, or have bitterness toward me. I did try many times, and I just can't. He respects MY BODY and ME. Respect, is not making someone do something they genuinely do not enjoy or take pleasure in. Nor, is it love. We find other things to keep us happy, and we have a healthy sex life. Sex should only be mutually pleasurable and wanted. He can't even keep an erection he hates it so much, lady. YOU are the one being selfish, and you are focusing entirely too much energy on one act.

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