'The Rules' Is Back With These New Ridiculous Tips on Dating

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Hey gals, remember those chicks who wrote The Rules? That's the dating book from way back that told women how to bag a man. I'm probably the only woman I know who didn't read it, but I remember a lot of my friends spouting its tenets to never call a man, to make sure to always hang up first, and to stay on the phone less than 10 minutes. But who talks on the phone anymore?! So the authors of the book, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, are baaaack. And they have a whole new set of rules for the digital era.

In their updated dating book, Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating, the women stick to their tried and dried tripe that women should always let the man chase her and take the lead in showing interest. Not always so easy now when most of us are tied to our smartphones and computers 24/7.

But Fein and Schneider have come up with new "rules" by which a woman can successfully ignore a guy even though she's got him at her social media fingertips. Let's see ... according to the Rules gurus, a woman should:

Never initiate contact with a man. Not even on a dating site. "Let them come to you," says Fein. Which essentially means you can't select your own partner. See someone who suits you? Forget about it. Wait for the guys who want you -- even if it's all guys you don't want. You have NO say in your future husband, gals. Isn't that the way it should be?

Once he makes contact, ignore him. "Let the mystery build," says Fein. Ahh, yes. The "mystery." Like the mystery about whether or not you're interested, whether you're online, or whether or not you're even alive. I'm sure guys appreciate that.

Don't text him back. At least, not right away. Young women are given permission to text back after half an hour. Older women need to wait four hours. So if, say, he texts, "Are we still on for dinner tonight?" do NOT by any means answer for more than four hours. Hey, by that time, maybe he'll have finished his dinner alone and he'll be really into you! Bwahahahah! Gotcha, sucka!

Never email after midnight. That's right. He writes, "Goodnight, it was nice seeing you today" at 11:59 p.m., do NOT answer until the next day. If at ALL. There is simply nothing like starting out a relationship with a guy wondering where the hell you were all night. And if he gets in touch after midnight to tell you he's in the hospital and needs help -- well, he's shit out of luck, I say.

Don't write on a guy's Facebook wall or try to friend his friends and family. Hmmm. Well, I admit some people can take "Facebook marking" to the extreme. But it seems odd you can NEVER write anything on his wall. Might as well just not friend him. Then he'll wonder why you didn't. But, hey, best keep the relationship fraught with uncertainty. (I'm sure Ellen and Sherrie would agree.)

Poor modern day woman. She's told to take charge in every aspect of her life. Want a raise? Ask for one. Want to eat dinner at a cool new restaurant? Make a reservation. Want to have money? Go to college and earn it.

But when it comes to dating, she's still expected to sit around and not make any choices for herself. But I'd be hesitant about following the advice of these two. The authors once said that "a Rules marriage is forever." Yet Ellen Fein got divorced.

Do you follow The Rules?


Image via Emily Rachel Hildebrand/Flickr

dating, love