Wedding Announcements Telling People They're NOT Invited Aren't as Cruel as They Sound

Say What!? 49

pile of wedding invitationsUsed to be that when you weren't invited to a wedding, you found out by not receiving the save-the-date and/or wedding invitation. You'd assume you just didn't make the cut due to budget constraints/parents' friends of friends and fourth cousins taking up 90 percent of a couple's guest list/having only chatted once with the person since 2002 ... on Facebook. And you'd move on.

But NOW, there's a whole new wedding trend: Sending what can only be described as the anti-invite. As in, an announcement that informs someone that they're not invited to be a part of your Big Day. If you're thinking, "What the $(&(#&! ...?!!" ... no, you are not alone.

Evidence of such a thing appeared in a recent letter in "Dear Prudence" on Slate.com, which read ...

Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I'm not invited to the wedding of a friend. Both of these came out of the blue; I had not precipitated them by asking if I was going to get an invitation. Apparently, it's a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn't make the cut that they aren't going to witness the special day.

Ouch, so uncalled for! But, wait, maybe not. Hear me out ... As a bride struggling with the very overwhelming concept of paying for my own wedding with my groom and doing our best to manage our guest list and living in an area where people tend to be very asserting and assuming, I have to say, the issue here cuts both ways. All too often, people will assume that they're going to be invited to a wedding. Act entitled to an invitation. Obviously, if they weren't really going to be invited, behavior like that definitely puts the bride and groom in an awkward spot and could very well precipitate some kind of diplomatic response like the anti-invite. Though I wouldn't ever advocate going to the extent of sending something like the "Dear Prudence" letter describes.

That's of course only one scenario. If a "wouldn't-be" guest never said or did anything to make the couple think they thought they'd be invited, then why in the world would any couple in their right mind go out of their way to let them know they weren't invited? Maybe they think they're being helpful? Thinking their non-guests would prefer to hear, "No, don't save the date -- go ahead and make other plans!" than nothing at all? But that's just crazy. Because making a big show of telling someone they're not included only serves to add insult to injury.

Do you see the point of sending an anti-invite to a wedding -- or any party for that matter?


Image via Claire S./Flickr

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nonmember avatar handy

I saw the Dear Prudence letter as well. No, there is NEVER an excuse to send an "anti-invite".. If people assume that their invitation was lost in the mail and speak to the host/hostess about the event, then the host/hostess can apologetically explain that they were keeping the guest list down for whatever reason.

And for heaven's sake!!! Don't ever follow the asinine advice of the article that Prudie linked to that suggested asking a non-invited person to shop for shoes or pick out a color scheme. You don't ask someone to help out for an event they are not going to be invited to. Sheesh!

rhps2000 rhps2000

Seems cruel and narcissistic and serves to make them look foolish if the folks who got the card didn't expect or want to be invited. This kind of thing makes me happy we eloped.

femal... femaleMIKE

could this new trend be a new way to make "bridezilla" feel even more special. I think these are unnessary.

jagam... jagamama0710

That seems incredibly rude. I would never send a "you're not invited" notice to anybody for anything. If I didn't want them to come, I would simply not invite them. 


Why are people so obnoxious when it comes to weddings? Ugh. 

the4m... the4mutts

No. That's rude as hell.

nonmember avatar Rosaline

Wow. That is very rude. I would probably post that letter on reddit or something and cut off contact with such selfish people. Total b****!



We actually had a wedding invitation by word of mouth by the bride's mom and we did not go because we felt it was rude if we "crashed" the wedding since we didn't get an invite by the bride and groom. But to send someone an "un-invite" letter, that is just so mean and rude.

kisse... kisses5050

is this something from The Onion? This can not actualllllly be something real....no way have  people reallllly beccome this rude and self centered.

schlis schlis

How rude!

PRIMA487 PRIMA487

This isn't fake? If this is real I'm with femaleMike something a bridezilla did to look even more stupid.

jalaz77 jalaz77

I would send a card saying 'thank you'!! Aaaand leaving it blank. Haha. Wow that is funny that people waste their money on something like that.

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