Used to be that when you weren't invited to a wedding, you found out by not receiving the save-the-date and/or wedding invitation. You'd assume you just didn't make the cut due to budget constraints/parents' friends of friends and fourth cousins taking up 90 percent of a couple's guest list/having only chatted once with the person since 2002 ... on Facebook. And you'd move on.
But NOW, there's a whole new wedding trend: Sending what can only be described as the anti-invite. As in, an announcement that informs someone that they're not invited to be a part of your Big Day. If you're thinking, "What the $(&(#&! ...?!!" ... no, you are not alone.
Evidence of such a thing appeared in a recent letter in "Dear Prudence" on Slate.com, which read ...
Recently I received two separate announcements letting me know that I'm not invited to the wedding of a friend. Both of these came out of the blue; I had not precipitated them by asking if I was going to get an invitation. Apparently, it's a trend for brides and grooms to tell people who didn't make the cut that they aren't going to witness the special day.
Ouch, so uncalled for! But, wait, maybe not. Hear me out ... As a bride struggling with the very overwhelming concept of paying for my own wedding with my groom and doing our best to manage our guest list and living in an area where people tend to be very asserting and assuming, I have to say, the issue here cuts both ways. All too often, people will assume that they're going to be invited to a wedding. Act entitled to an invitation. Obviously, if they weren't really going to be invited, behavior like that definitely puts the bride and groom in an awkward spot and could very well precipitate some kind of diplomatic response like the anti-invite. Though I wouldn't ever advocate going to the extent of sending something like the "Dear Prudence" letter describes.
That's of course only one scenario. If a "wouldn't-be" guest never said or did anything to make the couple think they thought they'd be invited, then why in the world would any couple in their right mind go out of their way to let them know they weren't invited? Maybe they think they're being helpful? Thinking their non-guests would prefer to hear, "No, don't save the date -- go ahead and make other plans!" than nothing at all? But that's just crazy. Because making a big show of telling someone they're not included only serves to add insult to injury.
Do you see the point of sending an anti-invite to a wedding -- or any party for that matter?
Image via Claire S./Flickr