When a couple gets engaged, the first thing that happens is the stress. Planning a wedding is incredibly, incredibly stressful, and many might be tempted to just shorten it all and get the wedding over with so they can move on to being married.
Apparently most couples manage to resist this urge. Huffington Post just ran a survey showing that the average length of an engagement is 13 to 18 months. Despite this desire to rush to the altar (believe me, I remember it), most couples do wait. And they are lucky they do.
A short engagement (six months or less) really only makes sense if you have already been with your spouse for a long time and the marriage is just a formality. Otherwise, especially for couples who have been together a year or less, a long engagement -- more than one year -- is very important. Here are five reasons to be engaged for more than one year:
- You have your whole life to be married: When you are first getting married, you want forever to start RIGHT NOW. But trust me, 10 years into this whole marriage thing, you are married a long, long, long time if you are lucky. There is no reason to rush into it.
- Weddings are stressful: It takes time to plan a wedding. If you are eloping or having a small wedding, by all means, have a short engagement. But some venues book up two YEARS in advance. So if you have your heart set on it, it's best to wait.
- Engagements end: Sorry to burst your happiness bubble, but as someone who was engaged two times before the third one stuck, I can tell you that an engagement is hella easier to call off than a marriage. Give it time. Let it settle. Plan together.
- It's a fun time: You are only engaged for one VERY brief period of your whole life. People are happy for you and loving and excited. It's a special time in anyone's life, so why rush into the marriage portion of the show that will, if you are lucky, last longer than even the unmarried part!
- You need to know each other: For some people, six months into a relationship, they get engaged. Six months later they get married and then six months later they are pregnant. Eighteen months together is NOT enough time to know you're compatible as partners and parents. It just isn't. I have heard that it takes three full rounds of each season (three years) to get to really know one another. That's a good rule of thumb.
Did you have a short or long engagement? Why or why not?
Image via Maggiejumps/Flickr
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Comments 20
You should only be getting engaged because you are ready to be married. If you are ready to be married then get married. Why delay things with a long engagement? My husband and I were married at 19 & 20 after 8 months together. That was almost 19 years ago. I am very grateful to have found him and married him when I did, although sometimes I wish we had gotten together sooner.
We were only engaged for 3-4 months. We had been together for a while before (2 years? I don't remember, we weren't living together or anything, but it was a while), but the reason for the short engagement was that his father requested it, due to his failing health (we would have married 4 months later). He died just over a month after we were married, which surprised everyone but himself. I was so glad we took the challenge!
FYI, if you are not seeking a specific venue or Catholic wedding (with all the classes before), it's not an issue. We paid less than 50% on the reception because we took one of their cancel/unreserved times so close to the date, and the church was fine about it. It was a Friday or Saturday night in May, that just happened not to be booked, and we had several local options. There were actually no issues, not even with the plane flights, hotel, cake, etc, which we booked as soon as we had the date.
I just got engaged over the holidays. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 1/2 years. We have been living together for half of that time and have a child together. We decided together to get engaged and the ring is a family heirloom. The engagement will be short i guess by this article lol. We will be getting married in April. That is 4 months. I am pretty sure I know what I am doing since we have done everything from a long distance relationship to living together in a nearly 4 year period. In the military life we have been dating longer than some people's relationship, engagement, and marriage together.
My ex husband proposed 4 days after we met... and we waited 2.5 years to get married. And now he's my ex-husband....and we probably never should have gotten married.
My husband propsed after one year; and we married 8 months later. This marriage is WORLDS different; far better, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. He is my best friend and truly my partner - something I'd NEVER experienced before.
So, yea... waiting to get married doesn't mean god damned thing.