Spending Time Away From My Husband Makes Me a Better Wife

Say What!? 4

Spending time away from your husband can make you a better wifeThis past week, I confessed that time away from my kids makes me a better mom. Talk about unpopular opinion. Apparently we're supposed to want to be around our kids all the time -- otherwise, we're terrible mothers. 

But the more I thought about it, especially since I'm headed out of town this week, the more I realized the same principle applies to spouses. Absence may make the heart grow fonder. But I think it also makes it a lot more tolerant.

In my piece that was published earlier this week here at The Stir, I wrote that I really wish I had worked more when my kids were babies because so many of the memories I have of their babydom are jumbled together. That's mostly because I was with them almost nonstop, and when that happens, you often don't have the opportunity to enjoy quality, individual time with them.

And no, I don't count changing poopy diapers as quality time. Sorry.

But now that I have a more regular work schedule and they are in school or (sometimes) with a babysitter, the moments we have are quality time -- not just me doing laundry while the kids are playing in their room.

The same goes in a marriage or any other relationship. If you're always together, doing the same exact stuff, sleeping in the same exact bed, well, things can just get really old. And I'm not just talking about your sex life, though it can certainly apply to that, too.

In my own case, I'm talking about those little quirks and habits that get on our nerves when we're around each other all the time. Like when my husband puts perfectly clean sippy cups IN THE SINK for no reason other than to get them off the table. Heck, I'm not even sure why he does it, but it drives me bonkers.

And his bedtime quirks, like sleeping with ear plugs, and needing the covers a certain way ... well, let's just say I really like when I'm able to sleep in my own bed for a little while.

What I've learned is that these things aren't going to change, really, because they're just a part of who he is, sort of like his gift-giving strategy. But when I'm around it every single day, it can be a bit taxing on us.

And don't worry. I know that I've got my fair share of quirks too. But he gets to travel for a living, so it's not like he doesn't get a break from me.

But what I've found is that when I get the chance to travel myself, I also get the chance to regroup, and it makes a huge difference in our relationship. Not only do I generally get to see friends and have fun, which is good for the psyche and the soul, but I come back thankful, appreciative, and a bit more empathetic, all of which are really important in keeping our marriage healthy.

What are your tricks for being a better wife/partner?

Image via Sean MacEntee/Flickr

divorce, love, marriage


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Mamab... MamabearC

I think there is a valid point in BOTH articles and whether you agree with it or not, if this is what works for a family to improve the quality of life and makes a family happier and healthier then why bash it?Also,as a SAHM of 4 for the last 15 yrs, I don't think you have to want to be with your kids 24/7 to be a good mom. What an unnecessarily judgemental thing to say.There is nothing wrong with wanting and taking personal time to meet your own physical/emotional/mental needs.Yes moms are amazing but yet, still human.To the author,I hope you just let those with negative comments, instead of constructive criticism or respectful opinions, go in one ear and out the other.

nonmember avatar Marija

I'm often lurking here, but I do want to say, that SOME time away (just a little bit) from something/someone is always good for deepening the relationship. Yes, it gives you space to reflect, and understand how much you love someone. It is called mindfulness and being with someone day-in-day-out, that mindfulness often (or even always) gets lost. Even buddhist monks take time AWAY to meditate, to re-centre themselves.

But reason why I wanted to comment, is to commend you Kristen on the iron will to sustain sancti-mommy comments here. It seems that too many commenters here feel the need to use the space to show-off their "righteousness" in a way that is judgemental and condemning toward the blogger. It makes me wonder what those people say to their friends and neighbours when similar opinion are presented in face. Do they shoot them down and ridicule them like they do here, or take time to re-consider and reflect on question? Either they are more tactful in-person (and don't shoot down people of different opinions) or they have problem retaining friends.
Kristen, please continue with this kind of postings (even if they *appear* unpopular), there are people out there that take this as call to reflect, not judge.

lisa57 lisa57

i SO agree with 'Marija' that people DO need to STOP criticizing and trying to be-little ALL these authors on here ('cafemom.com'). I spend almost 24/7 with my 20 month old daughter and I'm 6 months pregnant with my second child right now. When my fiance works or goes someplace that's his and my time apart to recuperate. I mean it's a little harder this way because he's working so he's still stressed and I'm at home with our daughter while creating another child inside of me, but we make it work. I can't say that some of the things my fiance does don't bother me because they do and he knows it. Also some things that I do annoy him also and I know it too, but we just deal with it. We love each other but we do spend time apart and some time apart even if its only for a few hrs a day or even if it's just going to work can still help strengthen a relationship.

Tori Amri

I just want to share my experience and testimony here.. I was married for 6 years to my husband and all of a sudden, another woman came into the picture.. he started hailing me and he was abusive..but I still loved him with all my heart and wanted him at all cost? then he filed for divorce..my whole life was turning apart and I didn't know what to do..he moved out of the house and abandoned the kids.. so someone told me about trying spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to a spell caster? so I decided to try it reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? then when he did the special prayers and spell, after 2days, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it.. anyways we are back together now and we are happy..in case anyone needs this man, his email address prophetsalifu@gmail.com, his spells is for a better life. again his email is prophetsalifu@yahoo.com.

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