10 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Right Now

Awww! 7

marriageMarriage is not easy. When you've seen people who make it 10, 15, and 30 years together, you know you are looking at two people who have fought, compromised, and stayed committed to one another through a lot. There's a lot to be learned from these people. 

But marriages don't fail from big problems, at least not all the time. Very often, people end up splitting over the small things, especially once the small things add up.

With this in mind, I asked around for advice, small ways that people can improve their love and their marriage today. This doesn't include therapy or major sucking up or any major effort on the part of anyone. These are small things that can make a big difference. So here are 10 important ways you can improve your marriage RIGHT NOW. See below:

  1. Apologize when you are wrong: Forget pride. If you realize you are wrong in a fight, admit it and say you are sorry. It will make a world of difference in terms of staying close.
  2. Imagine the other person gone during a fight: There is no better way to stop a fight than to imagine losing or missing the other person. That sadness? That tightness in your chest? That's the love you feel for them.
  3. Laugh more: For me, this is the biggest secret to 10 years of marriage. My husband and I crack each other up. We roll on the floor laughing and genuinely enjoy each other's company. This is what keeps us strong.
  4. Arrange weekly meetings: If you have young kids and two careers, there is nothing more important than having weekly "meetings." It may not be romantic, but neither is nagging, and this curbs that a lot. From a friend who has started them: "It has been very helpful from a practical side of just getting through everyday life as a team." Amen.
  5. Schedule sex: It's not romantic, but in our busy lives, it's necessary. Pencil that shite in, because you know what's less romantic? A sexless marriage.
  6. Talk about the little things: Talk about the big things, but also discuss the little things. Talk and then talk some more. The more you talk, the more you learn.
  7. Have your own life: No one likes someone with no friends. So get hobbies. Get friends. Get a life! Now! It will make your spouse appreciate you more.
  8. Remember to thank the other person: It's true. However small it seems, remember to say thanks for small things, even if they are expected. "Hey, thanks for making dinner tonight." It creates a lot of goodwill and helps each person feel appreciated.
  9. Stop yelling: No one is suggesting you stop fighting. Some fights are needed. But stop yelling. And name calling. And fighting dirty. Trust me.
  10. Hold hands: Even when you are mad at each other, just touch. Whether it's in bed or out of bed. Sometimes the simple act of touching one another can help curb angry feelings.

More from The Stir: Longest Married Couple in the World Shares Their Secrets

What is your marriage advice? How do you make it last?

 

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nonmember avatar beth

Great ideas. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and We put a lot of those ideas into our everyday life together. There are a few I would also like to implement into our relationship. Some other ideas are complement each other every now and then. It's always a great feeling (no matter what gender) when someone pays you a complement it shows they notice you. Also, be each others cheerleader. Say your significant other is up for maybe getting a promotion. Tell them you believe in them and give them your support. It makes them feel more confident in themselves.

nonmember avatar Jennifer Durbin

I have been married almost seven years and some of the things i think are great is one good deed a day for your spouse. Compliment each other everyday. It takes two to three compliments our nice words to erase negative words. Weekly dates. Sex out of the blue in the middle of the day or when your least likely to have it. Vacation every six months with just the two of you for a couple of days. Be real with each other. Hold hands and face each other and sit down when your upset and talking and use a Q&A seeing to resolve and acknowledge each others feelings and point of view. Pray together go to church together and eat together and dip chores and help with the kids together.

nonmember avatar David

Good advice. I think there are nuances to all of these tips that beg for deeper emotional exploration and expression. Check out"Going all the way" by Brian and Marcia Gleason on the Exceptional Marriage model based on Core Energetics. It encourages authenticity and radical honesty, rather than living in a stagnant masked holding pattern of habitual behavior that many couples get into. For instance: holding hands is a good thing, by all means do it...unless you don't REALLY want to hold hands! Than don't! Imagine having permission within your marriage to honor that impulse but stay in contact, see where it leads....

nonmember avatar Frank

I wrote this as advice on another forum. I will share it here.

1. Treat your spouse like you did when you were trying to get in their pants.

2. If you wouldnt do it with your spouse standing there, you shouldnt do it.

3. When you speak of your spouse to others, use only praise words.

4. Communicate. Dont argue. Just communicate. Reasonable people who love each other will try to make the other happy.

5. When times are good, use the word WE. When times are bad, stress the word WE. You are a team. If your spouse loses, you do too.

6. Dont marry the person you can live with, marry the one you cant live without.

To my wife!! An awesome lady that I dont deserve.

ladyl... ladylovebug925

Swallow your pride, talk about everything! I mean even the stuff your not proud of. The stuff you want no one to know. Then when it's their turn, listen. You'll be gad you did. Saved my marrige.

veron... veronica323303

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nonmember avatar Lena

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years. It HAS been easy. I can count the number of arguments on one hand. We're highly compatible and truly enjoy making each other happy. With good communication skills, our marriage is an absolute joy. We've watched other couples around us with the same story. It doesn't have to be a struggle. I wish that message would be presented more often.

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