My Fiance & I Are Keeping Our Other Relationships a Secret

Love & Learn 10

man and woman talkingOne of the biggest no-nos when you're dating someone new is dwelling on the past. That can mean asking too many questions about your new flame's previous relationships or talking at too much length (or at all) about your own. But if you're lucky, and you start building a relationship with that someone, there's bound to come a point at which you share more information about your romantic histories. Maybe even some of the most nitty-gritty details and darkest, deepest emotions come to the surface until there's no page unturned.

But while some couples know everything there is to know about one another's entire love life timeline, that's not the case for my fiance and me. And I prefer it that way.

That's right. Despite being together for six years, we never sat down and talked about ghosts of boyfriends/girlfriends past. I've mentioned exes briefly, in passing, in reference to this or that, and reported that back in college, I coincidentally seriously dated someone my fiance grew up with. He's hinted at hookups that happened on vacations. But nitty-gritty details? Deepest, darkest emotions? Nope. No thanks. No interest. I'll pass.

There's bound to be more anxiety and self-consciousness surrounding your S.O.'s past earlier on in your relationship, and that's definitely true for me. Back around the time we had only been together for several months, a year, even two, I definitely did NOT want to know. But as time has went on, I got more confident about our relationship and, as a result, a bit bolder, feeling like whatever happened before me was so long ago. And after all, I was the one he'd been with for six years. I was the only one his family ever mentioned -- or had ever met for that matter. So I thought, Hmm, what's the harm?

But then ... what's the point? Isn't the whole idea of beginning a new relationship that you're moving forward together? You're in love and grateful to be with someone who's a better fit than all the rest? What's the benefit in bringing up anything that came before that?

Granted, now that my boyfriend has become my fiance, I know I could swallow talk of the past better than in those earlier, more insecure days. But at the same time, it's because we're getting married that there's no reason to dig up the past. So, whether I've got more emotional strength for it now or not, I still don't want to know. No, scratch that, I don't need to.

How much do you know about your S.O.'s past? Are you satisfied knowing what you do (or don't)?


love, dating, commitment