My Real-Life Christian Grey Story: The Sex Was Hot but the Rest Was Disappointing

Love & Learn 16

I've watched the skyrocketing popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy with some bemusement. Seems like there's a lot of ladies out there just dying for sexytimes with a mysterious stranger who has a way with nipple clamps. And if all of those comments I see from women wanting their own real life Christian Grey are any indication, it appears that a lot of women believe this will be the answer to all their problems.

I just shake my head because I myself was involved with a Christian Grey-type. No, we didn't have a sex slave contract, but our relationship was based pretty much 100 percent on sex. Amazing sex, don't get me wrong. But let me tell you my story.

I met Christian (wink wink) at a swanky event. We were instantly attracted to each other, and the next morning I received a charming email asking me out. I'd just gotten out of a long-term relationship with a lovely man with whom I gelled on all levels -- except sexually. There was nothing really wrong with our sex life -- except that, towards the end, it was practically nonexistent. So I was primed for some hot bedtime fun.

Christian didn't disappoint. He was a very sexy man and he made me feel like the most desirable woman on the planet. I would barely get a foot into his apartment door when he'd tear my clothes off. I learned not to wear tight jeans because he'd rip at them so passionately that it would burn my legs. I'd wear skirts instead. Easier that way.

One night I came to his place and found a whip waiting for me. Another night, he suddenly revealed a roll of masking tape and within seconds I was bound and immobile. There was the blindfold. We spent the day sending sex-charged emails and photos to each other. No nipple clamps, thanks very much.

I enjoyed all of this immensely -- especially after my nearly sexless relationship -- but after several months, the luster began to dim and I wanted something more. Sex unaccompanied by something deeper and more emotional becomes mere acrobatics. But Christian never seemed interested in discussing hopes, dreams, aspirations, plans. Lord knows I tried, but I'd usually get a shrug and a joke in return.

The kicker came when a relative of mine got seriously ill. I had to leave town quickly, and Christian didn't bother to offer to come with me -- nor to even check my mail while I was away. I called him when I got to the hospital where my relative was being treated, only to find out he was enjoying a night on the town with his pals. It was clear my emergency hadn't bothered him in the slightest.

It went on like this for more time than I'd care to admit. I kept thinking that the sexual chemistry between us MUST mean there was something deeper there too. But there just wasn't. I began to think about my future. What would it be like with a man I could count on for sex but nothing else? Once I fully realized this, I lost much of my attraction to him. In short, I was bored. The last thing you'd think I could get with a guy like Christian. But that's what happened.

Finally, I ended the relationship. I had fervently hoped that Christian would suddenly grow up and want to discuss more serious things than who would do what to whom in the sack. But that never happened. Ladies, it takes more than sex to make a woman happy. If you can get your husband to get kinky in the bedroom, that's great. But never forget it's what he does outside of the bedroom that truly counts. My real life Christian Grey taught me that very valuable lesson.

Have you ever had a real life Christian Grey?

Image via Leshaines/Flickr

fifty shades of grey, sex


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Cindy Meyer

She obviously hasn't read FSOG or the sequels, or she would realize that her story is NOTHING like it. Christian and Ana connect (I think he realizes it before she does) on a very deep emotional level. The "old" Christian may be what this woman describes, but she would have been one of the 15... Definitely NOT what FSOG (Darker and Freed, too) is about. They are love stories that include sex. That's what makes it so gripping. This woman's story is a sex story, with, sadly, no love...

Hollie Klein

I agree with you Cindy! It wasnt just about sex. The sex part of the story is what reeled me in but the love sotry is what kept me reading and intrigued. The reason why women fall in love with FSOG books is because they imagine themselves in a loving and sexual relationship like Ana and Christians.

nonmember avatar serena

Ok...Ive kept quiet about alot of stuff like this but dude...ok. Obviously this chick was in for just sex. And look, I am a real life BDSMer. I am an actual submissive with a dom very much christians personality type. and I DO have a contract. DS isnt that cut and dried. Fifty Shades of Grey is hot and all but the only realistic part is the very beginning. Dominants are very caring people. They really take care of their subs. Lady. your man is no christian grey....there is more to men than lust. DS is about a connection of heart mind and body and please dont drag a beautiful lifestyle through the mud. I love my dom. He is a wonderful man and sex is only a very minute part of the lifestyle. The kinky fuckery is always amazing but it is rooted in a connection...your guy sounds like a booty call...real men dont do booty calls. please dont associate a lifestyle like bdsm with assholes.

Yenin Perez

Well baby let me tell you: your guy WAS NOT a Christian Grey then. Maybe a cheap copy of the main character but NOT an authentic one ;) Sorry for your experience, just keep looking :p

Robbin Hesser

So agreed...Christian Grey wasnt just about sex, he obviously loved her obviously you didnt read all the books. For the sex was amazing but what made him so desirable was that he was the whole package, he 100% took care of her every need. Maybe not emotionally in the first book but the other two it was just like WOW...It was so much more than the sex, and your guy was so not Christian Grey at all I agree with the girl above he was an erotic piece of ass. Sorry to be harsh... But hun you need to finish all the books..

nonmember avatar Melotoff

Ok so I partially agree with the stance that this gentleman is certainly not a "Christian Grey" character, although I sympathize with what you've experienced. Here's the thing though... I loved the FSOG trilogy and its all very enticing but for a woman to even consider entering into a contractual "relationship" is a sign of insecurity and a true reflection of a lack of self worth. So what if a dom is a caring individual, there's certainly only one driving force behind that. I'd opt for kinky fuckery anyday,anywhere, anytime! But I prefer to retain my control thank you very much... I'm not a machine. Mel x0x0

Melinda Jones

I agree with Serena 100%. I am in a relationship with a great Dom and he realy apreciates and takes care of me. I am in it for the kinky fuckery and as long as that is clear for both of us we do not full each other. It is trully great.

nonmember avatar Kim

I had cheated on a guy that I had no idea was the Christian Grey type... And he went way overboard... He ended up raping me because I wanted out. I had always thought I wanted to try that sort of thing out, but he made it so extreme and there was no safety words or anything... Be careful what you wish for, because there are some crazy men out there that will take any sort of want for any attention as your willingness to bow down and get smacked around...

Nicole Poston

I live a lifestyle similar to the Grey books. My dom man is very loving and caring. Anything I need he makes happen. I couldn't be any happier. If it was only about sex then it was nothing other than a good booty call! I love the lifestyle I live and the connection is very deep. There isn't a time that I have needed him that he wasn't there that includes me and my family. Being in a BDSM relationship isn't only about the amazing sex....

Rachell Spike

I had a similar "christain Grey type" only his name was encridble guy was more of the 1st book and i didnt fit his "image"  I guess Im no Ana.  :(

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