I've watched the skyrocketing popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy with some bemusement. Seems like there's a lot of ladies out there just dying for sexytimes with a mysterious stranger who has a way with nipple clamps. And if all of those comments I see from women wanting their own real life Christian Grey are any indication, it appears that a lot of women believe this will be the answer to all their problems.
I just shake my head because I myself was involved with a Christian Grey-type. No, we didn't have a sex slave contract, but our relationship was based pretty much 100 percent on sex. Amazing sex, don't get me wrong. But let me tell you my story.
I met Christian (wink wink) at a swanky event. We were instantly attracted to each other, and the next morning I received a charming email asking me out. I'd just gotten out of a long-term relationship with a lovely man with whom I gelled on all levels -- except sexually. There was nothing really wrong with our sex life -- except that, towards the end, it was practically nonexistent. So I was primed for some hot bedtime fun.
Christian didn't disappoint. He was a very sexy man and he made me feel like the most desirable woman on the planet. I would barely get a foot into his apartment door when he'd tear my clothes off. I learned not to wear tight jeans because he'd rip at them so passionately that it would burn my legs. I'd wear skirts instead. Easier that way.
One night I came to his place and found a whip waiting for me. Another night, he suddenly revealed a roll of masking tape and within seconds I was bound and immobile. There was the blindfold. We spent the day sending sex-charged emails and photos to each other. No nipple clamps, thanks very much.
I enjoyed all of this immensely -- especially after my nearly sexless relationship -- but after several months, the luster began to dim and I wanted something more. Sex unaccompanied by something deeper and more emotional becomes mere acrobatics. But Christian never seemed interested in discussing hopes, dreams, aspirations, plans. Lord knows I tried, but I'd usually get a shrug and a joke in return.
The kicker came when a relative of mine got seriously ill. I had to leave town quickly, and Christian didn't bother to offer to come with me -- nor to even check my mail while I was away. I called him when I got to the hospital where my relative was being treated, only to find out he was enjoying a night on the town with his pals. It was clear my emergency hadn't bothered him in the slightest.
It went on like this for more time than I'd care to admit. I kept thinking that the sexual chemistry between us MUST mean there was something deeper there too. But there just wasn't. I began to think about my future. What would it be like with a man I could count on for sex but nothing else? Once I fully realized this, I lost much of my attraction to him. In short, I was bored. The last thing you'd think I could get with a guy like Christian. But that's what happened.
Finally, I ended the relationship. I had fervently hoped that Christian would suddenly grow up and want to discuss more serious things than who would do what to whom in the sack. But that never happened. Ladies, it takes more than sex to make a woman happy. If you can get your husband to get kinky in the bedroom, that's great. But never forget it's what he does outside of the bedroom that truly counts. My real life Christian Grey taught me that very valuable lesson.
Have you ever had a real life Christian Grey?
Image via Leshaines/Flickr
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