My Husband Had to Move Out for Me to Realize How Much I Love Him

marriageMy husband and I have been living apart from one another for the past three months while we move from our current home to our new one that is 300 miles away. Our kids are finishing up the school semester in our current home, so Monday through Friday, they are with me while my husband stays in a hotel near his new job.

It's exhausting, it's hard, and it's overwhelming at times. The absence has made me miss him in so many ways. I miss having someone I can chat with at the end of my day. I miss having him to bounce ideas off of at night (the phone is just not the same). I miss his advice, his companionship, his friendship, and his presence in my bed, especially late at night when things get scary.

But it also has its good side.

My husband and I have known one another for 25 years. We have been friends most of that time and together for nearly 12 years. We know each other inside and out, and yes, like any couple, we take each other for granted.

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I have always assumed that I have his help and support, so I don't really "appreciate" it. Now that there is no one to pick up the ketchup on the way home from work or get the kids dressed in the morning while I finish something I am working on, I am so aware of the times he is home and the help he provides. I practically weep with joy when I hear his key in the lock and I know he is back, and I always cry when he leaves.

The times when he is home are explosive and passionate in the bedroom and loving and warm outside the bedroom. As much as I am thrilled these weeks apart are coming to a close (we are hopefully finally moving next week), I also wonder: Can we stay so close AND live in the same place?

I doubt it.

The appreciation (and the hot sex) that happens due to absence can't really be re-created once we are back together 24/7. It's such a shame.

Really, the fact is we get married and live together so long, we think the other person will always be around. But the truth is, in the scheme of things, our time together is a blip. It's so short. We SHOULD be appreciating every second. But the dishes and the laundry and the bills always seem to help us forget.

Well no more dammit. I am going to try my hardest to keep this clarity in my heart so I remember even when my hubby is driving me up a wall when he buys zucchini instead of cucumber or almond milk instead of rice milk that I am grateful and happy to have him in my life and I miss him terribly when he is not around.

I predict that promise will last about a week.

Do you appreciate your spouse?



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Karla C. Mulrenan

aww, I just went through something very similar. We moved cross country ( from east coast to west coast) and my DH moved first and then my son and I after 2 months. I missed him very much it made me appriciate him more and the time apart def brought us together even more. Distance can do good things sometimes. 

momma... momma_dani

As a wife to a Navy Veteran, I completely get it.

Pinkmani Pinkmani

Aww! My parents went through the same thing when my dad moved down south when I was in the 4th grade. He missed my birthday and a lot of events that happened. Good luck to you, it's a tough journey! I'm sure it will bring you guys closer in the end. 

tuffy... tuffymama

I actually work at not taking DH for granted. He works at least 80 hours a week, so we have little time to get sick of each other, anyway. When he's traveled, we've missed each other terribly and felt the distance keenly. Even when we were just dating, we each could tell when the other was nearby IN TRAFFIC, so having so much distance between us as in a cross-country move would probably make us both heartsick. I feel for people whose spouses are deployed or contracted overseas.

(Sasha, you should crop the pic in the story for your avi. Your hair looks great and it's much more flattering.)

Cel7777 Cel7777

I seem to be more of the "out of sight out of mind" variety than the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" one. A while back my hubby was gone M-F for work...this lasted a couple months. It actually put a huge strain on our marriage, as I got used to our (the kids and I) routine without him being here. After a few weeks of this it started to feel strange to me when he was around.

To make things even more awkward, he is the type who genuinely does become more emotional after being away, and it was harder to manage the situation when we felt completely different about it. Glad it's over now.

Flori... Floridamom96

She took your advice, tuffy!

Blues... Blueshark77

My partner and I spend so much time together now and we can definitely get on each other's nerves. I go back to my hometown for a couple weeks at least once a year and I spend the first few days complaining about his idiosyncrasies, but then after a few days I really start to miss him and can't wait to see him again. I don't know how we managed the first 4 years when we spent 4 months apart and only a couple weeks together at a time. Good thing we were good at talking on the phone and online! 

Melanie Mansfield

I appreciate everything he does, hes the reason I can stay home with our son, he works hard everyday and wants nothing more than to make us happy and thats all I want to do is to make him happy

jessi... jessicasmom1

I appreciate him in every way he makes me whole

Desti... DestinyHLewis

As a an AF wife I totally get it. But don't fool yourself. Try as you might, everyday life sets back in and that passion just doesn't stick around. Lol Till the next absence. ;-) 

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