Sex Confession: I Lied About How Many Sexual Partners I've Had

Say What!? 18

number"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

Kelly* is 30-something years old. She got married young, had kids young, and got divorced young. She's been dating and had a few serious boyfriends along the way, but no one who ended up sticking around. "Some guys just can't handle stepping into the role of stepdad," she says. But then she found THE guy -- a fantastic man named Don* who has kids of his own, loves hers as if they were his own, and wants to marry her. All sounds perfect, right? Except for the little white lie Kelly told Don when they first started getting serious. She told him she had sex with five men in the past. And that's just not true. Read on to hear more from Kelly herself.

I'm so happy in love. So deliriously happy! I met the man of my dreams, he's so cool and loves me and my kids and I love him and his kids -- I even love his ex-wife who is a great woman and mom and really supportive. But I may have screwed something up in those early days that I'm not sure if I can undo ... or even if I have to or should but now that we are taking the leap into real seriousness -- marriage -- I feel like I should tell him the truth.

When that dreaded question about how many sex partners I've had in the past came up, I said five. And five is just not the number. It's about four times that number. I'm not going to apologize for my "number" -- I'm a healthy, smart adult and I made my decisions and am not regretful about my past. What I am regretful about is not just telling Don the truth. I have no idea why I blurted out five. But I did.

I'm assuming Don told me the truth when he said he slept with around 20 women. I answered first though, with this mythical five, and when his number was similar to mine, I instantly regretted it. But we didn't linger on the topic, and moved on. It bothered me then, but I forgot about it. Until now.

I'm afraid if I tell him the truth now, he will think I've lied to him about other things and I haven't. I haven't been more true and honest to anyone in my entire life ... with this one exception. But not telling him the truth is bothering me. What should I do?

Do you think Kelly should tell Don the truth? Or just let it be because it really doesn't matter?


*Names have been changed.

Image via procsilas/Flickr

sex confession


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the4m... the4mutts

It doesn't matter. Just let it be. If you don't have STDs or random exes harassing your family, then it is a non-issue.

I heard something from an old lady a few years back. After 40 yrs of marriage, she wanted to confess that she had an affair 30 years ago! Her friend told her "you do not get to clear your conscience at the expense of someone elses feelings"

After so long, things simply don't matter anymore. Don't try to make yourself feel better at the expense of your s/os feelings. He loves you, y'all are happy. Let it be.

amiec... amiecanflie

Couldn't agree more, the4mutts. It's not like she cheated on him or gave him a disease. It was early in the relationship, bringing it up now will just make him feel like crap. 


Estel... EstellaHavisham

Yeah, not a big deal at all. I wouldn't even worry about it. 

KAV1970 KAV1970

That's why you don't discuss how many people you've slept with - isn't any of their business, unless of course you've got a communicable disease & even then you don't have to say how many you slept with. It's just "hey, this is what I have, I'm taking precautions, etc."  (obviously not in that relaxed a manner) And please tell them what you have BEFORE you start messing around. How many you've had is between you & God.

jalaz77 jalaz77

It doesn't matter how many men she has slept with unless you have a sex addiction, are a porn star or prostitute. Even if you had an STD, it still doesn't matter how many. No big deal. If he is the kind of guy that would judge you for how many men you have slept with then he isn't such a good guy.

Casey Dalbey

I don't think the topic should have come up to begin with, but now it should be left in the past. Get past the fact that gave an incorrect answer and move on.

nonmember avatar Samantha

I agree. Im with a guy who was upset with the fact that ive been around the block a few times. Sure its nothing to be proud of, but i had a daughter 2 yrs ago and decided then & there that it was time to grow up & be responsible. Im a completely different person. His reaction was horrible, when he talked to me about it (many times after) he basically called me scum. I was very offended & hurt. I asked him "am i a different person than i was before you knew? Am i any less kind, loving, thoughtful, generous, caring, funny, intelligent, ect than i was? No." i eventually snapped and told him to stfu and if he didnt like it he could leave me, anything was better than being made to feel so low about myself. I shouldnt have told him to begin with. I was just trying to be honest & share everything with him & it wasnt worth it. I still dont think hes moved past it to this day, (though i dont get why it disgusted him so badly, it wasnt that damn big of a number) but he doesnt bring it up anymore.

nonmember avatar Heidi

Don't stress. This is so minor. Some things are just better left unsaid. Significant others don't need to know everything about everything. Be happy and let it go.

CAP1015 CAP1015

There is absolutely no reason to ever bring up again. I'm a man and I don't see how/why it would matter at this point. If my fiance, wife came to me after the fact to adjust the number, I wouldn't be bothered by the fact that the number changed from 5 to 20 but I would be crazy with her "thought process' and it would make me see her as having emotional issues (true or not) and I admit it would cause me to be concerned, again not over her sexual past, but her need/desire to discuss it/talk about it.  If I found out a lot later that the number was different I would more than likely understand that a woman would feel the need to be less than truthful due to stereo-type considerations.   If this guy is as good as she says, she should forget it and never bring it up. 

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