Love & Sex

Okay, not to make a sweeping generalization here, but guys suck at presents. Calm down, I'm not talkin' bout all of y'all -- some of you are actually seem to get into the whole process of searching for the perfect gift for your wives or girlfriends.

But let's be honest -- most men are the type who spend the last couple of days before Christmas wandering around the mall in a daze, staring with panicked confusion at anything sparkly/pink/fruity-smelling: Does that look like something she would want? I don't know what it is, but it's shiny and it reeks of perfume in this store and -- hey, gift wrap is free?! Sold!

So, yeah. Want the bad news first?

She probably won't be thrilled when she opens up that random, shiny, last-minute purchase. She'll probably be weird and distant and irritable and sad for at least a week or two, until she convinces herself you'll redeem yourself on Valentine's Day, of course you will, you're not a bad guy, after all.

More from The Stir: 12 Things a Wife Should Never Say to Her Husband

But here's the good news: This year, you can avoid this common holiday couples' conflict!

Because I'm gonna go ahead and reveal what we women REALLY want for Christmas/Hannukah/Festivus, etc.

1. Something that makes us feel like you think we're incredibly beautiful. Maybe it's jewelry, maybe it's lingerie, maybe it's a scarf -- just SOMETHING that says "I love looking at you."

2. Something that makes us feel like you think we're incredibly smart. Maybe it's a first edition copy of The Catcher in the Rye, maybe it's a month of philosophy lectures, maybe it's a subscription to the NY Times. This gift should say, "I value your intellect and opinion."

3. Something that makes us feel like you think we're incredibly funny. Maybe it's a silly t-shirt or an ironic wall-hanging or a box of witty note cards -- something that says "You make me laugh."

4. Something that makes us feel like you think we're incredibly good at being a mom. Maybe it's a bracelet with a charm for each kid, maybe it's a framed family portrait, maybe it's a studio recording of your kids singing a song just for her. (Okay, maybe that last one is asking for a lot, but you get the idea.)

5. Something that makes us feel like you think we're incredibly deserving of a break. Maybe it's a day at the spa, maybe it's a personal chef for a week, maybe it's a month-long tropical getaway with her girlfriends. (Okay, maybe that last one is asking for a lot, but you get the idea.)

Happy shopping, boys!!

Ladies, what do you REALLY want for Christmas from your man?

Image via hermanturnip/Flickr